A few days later he visited me crying about not being able to move on but also not asking to get back together. He's only come over once before so this was a big move. I know if I made the move to get back together, he would say yes but he is too prideful to do it himself.
From the beginning of our relationship he refused to be exclusive until half way in despite not seeing anyone in that time. For that reason, I have always felt like a back up.
He always makes jokes that make me feel insecure. The jokes in and of themselves I can handle but not when I already feel so insecure due to the two prior issues I explained.
when we argue he immediately says break up with me if it's a problem and eventually that's what I did. From this information alone, I am confident in that decision but there are two things that I still think about.
1- most of his close friends absolutely hate me but the ones that don't tell me that he is clearly a much better person because of me. I think in that respect, he appreciates me a lot but is too prideful to admit it
2- I looked through his phone (I know, bad idea) and read text messages with exes. In all their final arguments, he refuses to be friends or even talk to them after they break up but he wants to stay in contact with me. Do you take that as a sign that I am special to him?