Am I crazy for continuing this??

Okay, so here's my dilemma... Today is my birthday, I just turned 26. I have been in this long distance relationship for almost 4 years (2200 miles away). In the beginning things were great. About a year and a half ago he started getting funky on me, he has a really high stress job and was always at work. Well one night in a drunken rage he said to me that he thought he was in love with a co-worker. It tore my world apart. I've always been faithful and loyal. I was always the one to cower and allow him to demean me (I figured he was just blowing off steam cause of the stress, yes my BIG mistake). Well after he said that he said

"he needed a break to get his head all situated"

Alright... I was so hurt. He wasn't calling like he used to, I knew he was around her. Well I figured that I'd go out and try and have some fun to get my mind off things. Well I sorta became dependent on alcohol to keep my real feelings at bay. One night I went out to the bar with a friend and met some guy. I just wanted to be friends and he was aware of the situation I was in. One night he and I were out just talking (yes, I was very very very drunk) and emotions starting running deep ( I was crying over this situation with what I thought was my ex boyfriend) I was completely delusional wound up having unprotected sex, ending result... I got pregnant.

I was scared out of my mind. I knew I made a big fat mistake and now I wasn't the only one now who would suffer for that mistake. I knew what had to be done, which scared the hell out of me. Not only did I have to tell the 'ex', cause I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself but had to give my baby back to God to hold onto until things were better.

When I told him, he cried... He got upset and scolded me for 'cheating' on him! I was like WTFF are you kidding me? Anyhoo, things got real weird but he wanted me even though all that junk. Problem is, since then he's thrown it in my face time after time. He gets drunk and yells at me for being a 'whore who got knocked up when I cheated on him'.

That's never been the case. I've finally stood up for myself, I am at my breaking point. I've lost a lot of self esteem and I am not a weak person. I told him it has to stop or I am gone. He's been alright since I went off on him. But, I'm starting to feel like somethings up and wrong. I've wound up in sticky situations because of the paranoia of the past where I've made mistakes but corrected them.

So now that you have some background, my question is this... I am 26 years old today. I am feeling like I have been stuck the past 4 years waiting for this relationship to go somewhere, but hasn't yet. I told him this year I wouldn't wait anymore, if things didn't change I would have to let him go. I am constantly paranoid (because I made those mistakes), I'm becoming resentful, I love him with all my being but I am running out of time, patience, and I feel like I am wasting my life.

Any advice for me?
Am I crazy for continuing this??
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