Am I crazy for continuing this??

Okay, so here's my dilemma... Today is my birthday, I just turned 26. I have been in this long distance relationship for almost 4 years (2200 miles away). In the beginning things were great. About a year and a half ago he started getting funky on me, he has a really high stress job and was always at work. Well one night in a drunken rage he said to me that he thought he was in love with a co-worker. It tore my world apart. I've always been faithful and loyal. I was always the one to cower and allow him to demean me (I figured he was just blowing off steam cause of the stress, yes my BIG mistake). Well after he said that he said

"he needed a break to get his head all situated"

Alright... I was so hurt. He wasn't calling like he used to, I knew he was around her. Well I figured that I'd go out and try and have some fun to get my mind off things. Well I sorta became dependent on alcohol to keep my real feelings at bay. One night I went out to the bar with a friend and met some guy. I just wanted to be friends and he was aware of the situation I was in. One night he and I were out just talking (yes, I was very very very drunk) and emotions starting running deep ( I was crying over this situation with what I thought was my ex boyfriend) I was completely delusional wound up having unprotected sex, ending result... I got pregnant.

I was scared out of my mind. I knew I made a big fat mistake and now I wasn't the only one now who would suffer for that mistake. I knew what had to be done, which scared the hell out of me. Not only did I have to tell the 'ex', cause I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself but had to give my baby back to God to hold onto until things were better.

When I told him, he cried... He got upset and scolded me for 'cheating' on him! I was like WTFF are you kidding me? Anyhoo, things got real weird but he wanted me even though all that junk. Problem is, since then he's thrown it in my face time after time. He gets drunk and yells at me for being a 'whore who got knocked up when I cheated on him'.

That's never been the case. I've finally stood up for myself, I am at my breaking point. I've lost a lot of self esteem and I am not a weak person. I told him it has to stop or I am gone. He's been alright since I went off on him. But, I'm starting to feel like somethings up and wrong. I've wound up in sticky situations because of the paranoia of the past where I've made mistakes but corrected them.

So now that you have some background, my question is this... I am 26 years old today. I am feeling like I have been stuck the past 4 years waiting for this relationship to go somewhere, but hasn't yet. I told him this year I wouldn't wait anymore, if things didn't change I would have to let him go. I am constantly paranoid (because I made those mistakes), I'm becoming resentful, I love him with all my being but I am running out of time, patience, and I feel like I am wasting my life.

Any advice for me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • number 1: NEVER and I mean NEVER put your life on hold for ANYONE!

    number 2: if he can't get over the fact that he broke up with you and you slept with someone, weather it be an accident or not, then I don't think your relationship will work...the past is the past, people make mistakes, if I were you I wouldn't ahve even told him, its NONE of his business what you do when you aren't dating

    number 3: I think that if he's going to treat you this way at a distance then who knows how horrible bad it could be in person - now with that being said, usually when people are distant from one another they tend to judge, assume, etc...when they are together things can be completely different.

    you need to sit down and think, long and hard about your situation...why hasn't your relationship AFTER 4 YEARS moved past where it is today and where it has been, why isn't he making any effort to get you closer to him and be with him, do you want to live your life thinking that this guy is going to always bring up the past of you gettin pregnant, he needs ot realize none of that would have happened if he treated you with some respect and if he had not told you he thought he was in love with his co-worker, shame on him for making you feel bad about your decision - you alreayd had to go thru enough getting an abortion.

    does he make you happy? does he support you and your decisions? is he forgivefull? can he understand that the past is the past and people make mistakes and people can change? will he ever get over the fact that this situation happened? does he actaully love you for who you are - have him make a list of why he loves you, or just ask him over the phone...is there any effort from either one of you to becoming closer to one another(living and emotionally), can you forgive him for thinking he was in love with someone else? is he actaully in love with this girl or you? are his words the foundation of his actions (does he say he loves you and then shows you thru the things he does)?

    you have a lot of questions to ask yourself before deciding what to do...remember this is my opinion and my advice on what to do, in the end you are the person that will decide...just really think what it is that makes you happy and how you see yoruself either with or without him in the future, really take some time to think and hey grab a close friend and try to open up to them about it - venting is always good to do before making a decision, but this is on you, you need to decide what is best for YOU...take things slow - remember it was the turtle that won the race, not the rabbit

    good luck! hope this helps

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    • Coming from a guy, I am utterly impressed with your response. Thanks for much for the advice, it just fuels my already founded 'reality check'

    • Thanks lol I try to give my best advice :) good luck! if you need anything else message me or something, hope it works out for the best

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • I think it is time to move on. he has a stressful job, give him time. It will all pan out down the road.

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  • There is no point for you to be in this long distance relationship. You've already wasted 4 years, don't waste anymore time. He treats you like garbage because you let him get away with it. He doesn't respect you. He views you as his possession. That's why he got so upset after he dumped you and you had sex with another guy.

    You need to meet someone local. Someone you can see multiple times a week in person. Someone you can hold and talk to in person.

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    • Thanks for your advice, appreciate it lots.

What Girls Said 4

  • You gota cut your losses and leave him. I know 4 years is a long time I was ina relationship for 4 .5years you really do feel so attached but you have to end this. Its not working , you have to leave him and stop drinking so much find another way to deal with your heartbreak get a hobby I found joining the gym, reading, hanging out with my friends and this site very useful obviously you have to party but your over doing it.Cut off all contact and leave him he's not good for you and he's makin you feel bad about yourself so you got pregnant you feel bad enough about that yourself without people adding to it. Its a new year for you now do what's right for you not because you feel like you owe it to somebody just make a fresh start. At least your lucky in one way he's 2200 miles away not seeing him everyday makes it so much easier to move on. So just cut off all contact now you deserve better.

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  • there's too much going on right now with him and with you, you need to separate from him. get your own life and your own self esteem together and let him do what he wants too. you all are too entangled right now and in an unhealthy relationship. learn to love yourself and come to terms with everything in your life, without a man (and specifically without this one!). let him do what he needs to do to get his sh*t together too. then, if it's "meant to be" you'll meet again sometime, and see where things go from there. right now, there's no salvaging the situation together - you need time away from each other and time to rediscover yourselves.

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    • Thanks for your advice, appreciate you taking the time to read and respond. I will keep what you wrote in mind

  • happy birthday

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  • Oh, girl, I feel you. I lost 3 years of my life the same way you did. I think the new wonderful life is ahead, be happy and good luck to you, birthday girl!

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