So girl I was with moves in the same circles as me now. She's related to, and is now friends with a lot of my other friends gf's. Things were going great, then suddenly things changed. She just shut off and excluded herself and eventually said she couldn't be in a relationship just now. She doesn't cope well with stress and other things in her life were causing her anxiety. She ended up in a dark place, she'd had a tough 5 year, shit relationships, low self esteem, low valuation of herself, had bad luck with jobs -she's educated at degree level and has landed herself a fantastic career in teaching now- but just compared her 'failures' to her other successful friends. I honestly tried so hard to just gave her the place to feel happy and show someone cared about her by taking the burden off her. I couldn't stop thinking about her which wasn't helped by seeing her constantly. I ended up in a bad place cause I do still madly care about her but not clinging on. So I f***ed up, acted like a child, done something that hurt her, and now carry immense guilt and shame about it. I betrayed her trust. I tried to apologise to her and honestly gave a sincere apology, she knew about it but she said I had nothing to apologise for as if she wasn't aware -100% was-. So I left it at that. Fast forward a few months, I get myself back together, but I end up talking to my friends in the pub and she comes up in conversation because she was worried she might see me at a party- she doesn't want to after what I done-. I f***ed up and it's my shame but the guilt is crippling knowing I hurt her, she's better than someone making her feel like that. I'm not sure why I'm posting here other than to vent, it isn't seeking advice to get back together. I didn't want to or hang onto hopes before I messed up. I'm aware I'll take abuse for being a **** but save yourself the energy, I've already made myself feel a million times worse than anything an internet comment can.