I want to divorce my husband. I won't because we have children. Is staying together best for them?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you are not constantly fighting in front of the children, and there isn't violence between you--and if you aren't so stressed and getting depressed in the situation--it's better for the children.

    But that's a lot of 'ifs.' A lot to consider. Of course, the ages of the children weigh into the decision also.

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    • by the way Welcome to Girls-Guys. I hope you get good insights here. Sorry you have this situation to deal with, first of all!!!

    • Thanks for the MHO. Good luck!

Most Helpful Girl

  • My parents got divorced when I was two and sometimes I hate it but honestly I would rather have grown up in two happy homes then one miserable one

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What Guys Said 17

  • You know, I'm sort of split on this as I would say that it depends on what your marriage looks like. Everyone below talks about fighting and yelling, but is that what's going on with your relationship? With my divorce, there was no fighting. There were pretty much only happy times or neutral times, but we had no sex, we had separate rooms for eight years, and my ex-wife would not stop spending. Maybe it's just the people around me, but I feel that that's a common theme with modern divorced couples, i. e. they aren't fighting, but they aren't a team either and of course, they aren't having sex.

    The reason why I bring this up is that I admit that I miss certain things. I know how much my daughters loved having our family dinners together and I feel bad for taking that away from them. I mean to be honest, if it weren't for the money issue, I think I would have put up with the sex-less life for the sake of the girls.

    I will say this though -- if you do file for divorce, just be vigilant. I had no idea how angry my ex-wife would be when I filed for divorce and it totally blew up in my face. She accused me of domestic violence, she simply refused to pay her court-ordered share of bills, and she ran up over $210k in combined legal fees -- and in the end, none of it was held against her. I don't approve of the things she did, however I think that you should be aware that as a woman, you are at a huge advantage so if you do go down the path of divorce, I highly suggest that you do everything you can to take advantage of it.

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    • We do have our disagreements at time. When we do it's very rare for us to yell because we both want our children to feel secure and happy. We both try to ignore each other's faults. But the tension has been building lately. I'm on edge when he's around. I come up with excuses to not partake in family outings. He makes me feel insecure. My husband is a wonderful amazing man. He's a hard worker and I can't imagine a better father for my kids. Part of our problem is he's a very stubborn man. When he's made up his mind on anything it becomes the law. Recently my 10 year old cried to me and said " Why does daddy always make you sad. " At that moment I realized I wasn't fooling anyone. I don't cry in front of any of my kids. But yet she still sees what's going on. I told her that's not true. I lied to her. That's not the type of home I want to raise them in. Don't misunderstand he treats me great for the most part. The real issue is I feel emotionally and physically abandon.

    • What your ex did was horrible. When woman take advantage like you said your ex did I feel it shows weakness and bitterness. I won't deny my advantage but I don't intend to use it. One of my fears about leaving is being able to support 3 kids on my own. I don't plan on collecting money that's not mine from my husband.

  • No. You're giving a false image to your children that you must sacrifice your happiness for your partner and children's. A split parentage with a mom and dad who aren't married but are happy is much a much healthier image for your children.
    I'm sorry you're in this position, I know it's not easy.

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  • Staying together is the worst you can do. Having a disfunctional relationship is damaging to the kids, they will be exposed to hostility and arguing and since you two are the role model they will consider that normal.

    Yes a breakup has a much larger impact on the short term, but its far healther then long term abuse you and your partner will inflict on each other and the family out of the frustration and other negative things you will feel towards each other.

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    • Keep in mind the above only applies if you are indeed certain your marriage is disfunctional and the only option is the way out. If its earlier stages seek marriage counseling first.

  • Probably yes but I suggest you think of ways you can improve your relationship

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  • staying isn't the best option

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  • It depends. Are you constantly fighting? On front of the kids? There are so many variables that need to be answered first!

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  • Depends on how old they are, and whether you can maintain a facade of a marriage in front of them (just how dysfunctional is it).

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  • I agree with Draachen, it is very dependent on the reasons that have brought you to where you are now. My mother stayed, but it was because she couldn't put up with my dad needing an enabler for his own self destruction. If it is abusive, get out ASAP.

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  • could you add a bit more context

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  • if you want them to hear your domestic violence everyday? it'll be much of a distraction.. however if you can make it work by being separated also then go ahead with the divorce

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    • No. We don't fight in front of them. We hide everything. They are starting to sense our tension.

    • it's basic psychology that the tensions between parents will lead to the isolation of the children and insecurity.. I mean that's something you should worry about

  • it is for the children but thank of your life and all that that you will be put through

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  • Depends on your reasons for a divorce. It could be benefical to all or harms all

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  • My parents argue everyday, it's so annoying

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  • No. And neither for you.

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  • Stay married

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  • nope

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  • Why do you want to divorce?

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    • We don't love each other the way a husband and wife should.

    • My children are noticing I'm sad all the time.

    • Well, maybe you should talk and get counseling and stuff.

      Divorce can be hard on kids, but you deserve to be happy too, you don't want to resent your kids in the future.

What Girls Said 7

  • It depends on the age of the children, somewhat. Older children may understand a bit better.

    However, any child can pickup on the discord that is inherent in an unhappy marriage. That can lead to them being unhappier than if it was done and dusted, and the divorce is finalised.

    At least, after a divorce you are free to start again when you feel the time is right. It is NEVER too late to find true happiness.

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  • Have you talked to close friends and family about it?
    I Think you should try marriage counseling. Don't get your self worth from him. Get it from your God, friends and family. Only give him love. Men treat women bad because they don't feel respect. You can only give respect if you feel loved, and you must get it from yourself, your God and your friends because men don't think with feelings like women do. They only think with logical reasons. I have been married 7.5 years. I go to counseling, self help groups and read a ton of books. One book I can recommend is love and respect.

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  • This heavily depends on the reasons you want to divorce him. There is a lot of grey area to be discussed. Something this big of a deal isn't a simple yes or no.

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  • well at least stay with him until the kids are 18

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  • From personal experience , i grew up in a home full of arguing , yelling , abuse etc. If the parents stop getting along this affects the kids. My dad stayed because of us and it was actually one of the biggest mistakes he ever made regarding us.

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  • It isn't the best option. If you stay you will resent him, and yourself even more. Why are you considering a divorce?

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  • if you constantly argue while they are around it is not a good idea to live together

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