When women have affairs, have they already "checked out" of their marriage?

Keen to hear from women in this that have had or have contemplated affairs. I read recently that when men have affairs, they're seeking excitement. But when women have affairs, it's usually because they've already checked out of their relationship/marriage.

Is this true?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Mostly, yes. But some of it is looking for excitement too I suppose, that creates the desire for attention, checking out creates the desire for connection.

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What Guys Said 7

  • Not necessarily, I've known many cheaters, both men and women, who are otherwise very committed to their partner.
    I'd drop her ass like a sack of shit anyway, but that doesn't always mean he/she doesn't care

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  • more true but not always. whilst more women see sex as also forming emotional atatchment some women just want the thrill too. i was with a woman for years and we both were truly in love but she needed to fuck other guys occasionally just because it was exciting. she was very honest so it was ok

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  • Generally, yes, but there are exceptions.

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  • For the most part yes.

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    • This is so hilarious!!! 😂

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    • Sorry to shatter your narrow illusions of the world when you've barley had the chance to explore beyond the surface...

      No I'm not :-) If you're this rigid at such a young age it can only mean one of two things: you've been very sheltered and world hasn't hit you yet.

      Or you've already reached your peak, and it's all downhill for you from here. Enjoy!

    • @dragonfly6516 lol sorry to burst your bubble but 40 is not the new 20.

  • Not always. Sometimes it's just a betrayal of opportunity. Hot guy is hitting on her, she's out of town, nobody will ever know. Done, and done. And the truth never comes out.

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  • fear of asking for a 3 way

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  • I think so yes.

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What Girls Said 12

  • Not always. The answers are as varied as each individual relationship is. Sometimes a woman is happy in a relationship, but not fulfilled sexually. So she might not want to leave, but still wishes she had a sexually fulfilling fling on the side. I mean, in an ideal situation, she would discuss it with her man first rather than cheat. But that doesn't always happen. And there's just no pleasing some women.

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  • I think if you truly love someone you won't have an affair with another guy. So yes I think they already checked out then

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  • I wasn't happy within my marriage but I never felt the need to cheat.
    The love just wasn't there anymore.
    My husband was the one that attempted to cheat.
    We have found our love for one another again. So happy ending for us.

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    • I followed you because answers like the one above is like a mirror of what happened to me and my spouse,,

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    • @anticipation I think I've had a similar situation to you with my husband

    • We had to start from scratch,, first we talk about what we wanted in life, interests', wants' and goals.

      I told her I embraced goals and that we aren't getting younger. She lacked urgency, I had too much of it. The nice thing is she is really sweet and sensitive, it was her sensitivity that helped us to discover compromises,

      It helped us to stop bickering and yelling, we stopped force feeding one another's will on each other. When the yelling stopped, we also realized that we were able to stimulate one another's mind.

  • No I dnt think so

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  • yes I'd say this is completely true

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  • Depends. Though most of the time yes. Sometimes they just love sex more than their husband

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  • I'm not monogamous sexually. So whenever I want to go outside of the relationship (which is open), it's because I'm looking for excitement. I'm very submissive and I don't enjoy sex as much unless I feel just a little vulnerable and unsafe. So I start to get bored when I know all of his moves and can out think him. But once I've gotten that thrill of danger for a few weeks, I'm happy with just my man for several months to a year.

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  • Yes. I'm pretty sure that your statement is correct.

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  • Yeah, sounds like it.

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  • I am not sure if it's more true for women than men, but yes, that is one reason why women cheat. Men do it too though.

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  • I didn't have an affair, I did kiss a guy while married. Or he kissed me. My marriage ended because of the kiss.
    It happened because I was too friendly. I loved my husband and I think I was getting the excitement or attention from another guy.
    I didn't check to of my marriage.

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  • there may be lots of other reasons

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