I hit my drunk boyfriend?

We have been together a little over a year. I am currently 14 weeks pregnant. We just moved in together. Yesterday my boyfriend got extremely drunk and was talking nonsense. When he drinks he does this and gets pretty mean. He always tells me that he's an a-hole but thats "the way he is". Everything was fine until he started an argument with me over how I discipline my four year old and that he's spoiled. My son is not a bad kid, of course I got defensive. It set me off edge and I poured his beer out which made him completely freak out. When I reached into the fridge he slammed the door into my arm full force. I now have a huge knot and bruise. I know that I provoked this behavior but it scared me and I left after he tried to block me from leaving. He texted me breaking up with me. I went back and asked how he justified breaking up with me over that. Out of anger I went back to pour his beer out (I know that was a stupid choice). He started to grab me, push me, and backed me up into the stove. He was inches from my face screaming. I just closed my eyes and somehow ended up punching him in the face. I didn't mean to, it just happened. I've never hit anyone before much less someone I love. He had been begging me earlier that day to hit him for being an a-hole, which was just his drunkenness talking. I know nothing justifies what I did and I feel awful. It stunned him enough to back up so I could get away. He continued to scream, now more about me hitting him. How he was going to call the cops on me. I was legitimately scared and just reacted, I don't know why, I'm not a violent person. He told me not to come back or he would call the cops. He said that I'm lucky he didn't hit me back because I would be dead. I don't know what to do at this point. Any advice? He hasn't spoken to me today since being sober. And I'm scared to say anything. I know I need to apologize, and I want to. He's already told his mom who he said is done with me now too. What do I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like you both have some responsibility in this scenario, but you have waaaaay less of a responsibilty, especially when considering what he did. In fact, you have almost none at all. If this went to court, you could not be punished for arguing with him and pouring out his beer but he could definitely be punished for hurting you by slamming the fridge door on you. I think it sounds like this is not a healthy relationship to be in, it sounds like he's gearing up to be an alcoholic. This kind of sounds like the classic abusive relationship begining that we hear about in health class. Id get out as fast as possible, even if you are pregnant and love him, bc you're going to end up trapped in an abusive relationship that would be bad for you and the future child (and the current one). The part where he wants to call the police and has made verbal and physical threats to you are only in your defense and I have no clue why his mom is done with you unless he fudged the story, Id disown any child of mine who hit their SO. Id get out of that relationship and take what he did to court, and also get child support bc there's no reason you should atay with him, but he has every reason to be paying you for what he did. Good luck, I hope you can get out safely!

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    • Actually now that I think about it, you have absolutely no responsibility in this situation, you may have poured out his drink, but that in no way justifies his behavior. Im sorry for saying that.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Hello. :)
    My opinion is that you are both responsible for that situation that happened, but also I think that violence is not an answer. But situation was really out of control. But you said that he did it earlier and it was not just "one time " situation. I personally think that he overreacted because he did not expected that you'll hit him back. You should apologize to him but you should do that in front of his family or his mom, because she is mother too and she should understand you. You are pregnant and you should keep yourself from any kind of stress. Best Wishes :)

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 10

  • To be honest, you're 100% in the right. There's nothing wrong with what you did. I think he's overreacting when he says he's going to call the police, because they would actually favor you in these scenario. Especially since you have a severe bruise and legitimate reason to fear for your safety (pushing you and getting too close for comfort as you mentioned). Don't apologize. Let him apologize for his behavior while intoxicated. Alcohol has caused widespread abuse and violence over households throughout this country. It's unfortunately common. Actually, you should be threatening to break up with him if anything. I suggest leaving him for sure, move on. The future doesn't look too bright if he continues to drink. He might actually hurt you severely...

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  • You did not provoke him to hit you. He is an alcoholic and no decent man would hit a woman, especially when she is carrying his child.
    Get rid of him and file for custody and support. What is broken in him, you can't fix. And for your children's sake, choose better men in the future.
    ~JSmith

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  • To be honest it sounds to me like he was being abusive to you and you just got tipped over the edge and had to fight back.. if this behaviour of his is regular, even only when drunk I feel you may have to re-evaluate how healthy this relationship is to bring children up in.

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  • This doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship to be in

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  • Uh your with an abuser. He will progress to beating the shit out of you. You need to run, I've seen this shit before and it gets worse

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  • Call him. Demand an apology for what HE did. If he asks what he did (and he will) tell him for getting shit faced drunk. Tell him that he has a drinking problem. And you won't tolerate this behaviour.

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  • You're both shit people. Go to rehab.

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  • He deserved it. How far can one go without consequences?
    But something has to change about this kind of situations, if only for the kids

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  • Drunk or not that went way too far, he's abusive. Get far away from him for your own safety.

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  • This is the end

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What Girls Said 2

  • Oh well, he almost broke your arm and he was getting too intoxicated and he was endangering himself. Do you really want to be with someone who is abusive whenever he gets drunk? And do you really want to raise your children around that behaviour? Let him go. He's not a loss. My dad was the same exact way and I'm glad my mom left him when she was 3 months pregnant with me

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  • You both sound like complete idiots. You are an idiot for staying with an abusive asshole. He is for being an abusive asshole. Don't apologize. Don't talk to him. Run.

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