Cheating while deployed?

So ladies, I was just curious as to why it seems to be so difficult for many women to not wait for their boyfriends or husbands get back from overseas? I have seen it many times with a bunch of my friends finding out while we were in country or once we got home that their women had cheated. What's up with that?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've never been in that position so this is all going to be me projecting into the hypothetical.

    Ok, so assuming when my partner left, I was truly in love with him and had no inention of cheating while he was gone, why would I? Well, I'm trying to go on with normal life but spending a lot of time missing him and worrying that he might never come back or when he does the experience will have changed him so much that we won't connect anymore. So, I try to retain that closeness but it's a bit hard with only emails, letters and phone calls that he can't ever guarantee the exact time of. I can't call him after a bad day, I can't go to him when I'm upset and curl up in his arms to feel better, I don't get to celebrate the great things that happen in our lives with him. And I'm wondering who he goes to for companionship while he's away. Basically, I spend my days worrying about him, missing him, and feeling like we're drifting apart. Then of course there's the feeling of being on the shelf- I never get to SEE my boyfriend, never get to feel wanted the way I used to, but when I go out I can't experience that either because I'm not single. So then maybe I start to resent it a little while feeling guilty, still loving him, missing him, and worrying about him.

    Into all this confusion walks a guy who, at least a first, is there for the moments my partner can't be and doesn't necessarily expect anything romantic in return. But the connection builds up, I start to feel more connected to HIM than my partner and voila- I'm cheating.

    Then, I can't tell him because I feel like I'm taking away this huge source of comfort from an amazing guy who on top of being a good boyfriend gave up his life to become a soldier. So, I don't tell him until he gets back, thinking that's better since he won't have to deal with it while he's overseas in a warzone.

    *NOTE* I'm not justifying cheating, I personally think it's the worst kind of betrayal you can commit, especially to someone who puts their life on the line like that. Better to just break it off if you can't handle the distance rather than leading him on, letting him look forward to coming home to be with you then have his leave ruined by you stomping on his heart.

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What Girls Said 4

  • well, I know my brother is in the army and he was away for a while at basic and his wife couldn't see him for a while...its not something I wish I knew, lets just say my brother is still fairly young so he shares a little to much forgetting I'm his sister...he bought her a d*ldo. I guess he knew shed be lonley because when he left she was pregnant she got preg right before he left and had to have their first baby alone so having kids made it hard so yeah. she even said she probably would have ended up cheating not even on purpose just because she would miss him so much even though she still did and she was lonley. doesn't make much sense but yeah. pretty much its that shed be horny so much and eventually need to get laid rofl

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  • I wonder if they get impatient or worried that the guy somehow won't be as into them when they get back and that the waiting will have been "in vain"? I've never been in that position and I don't know anyone who has had this happen to them (actually, all the girls that I know whose boyfriends who are overseas seem to be head over heels in love with them and desperate for them to get back), so I can only guess.

    Rather than cheating, I think it'd be better if they somehow let their boyfriends know they are having difficulties waiting and try to find other ways to communicate or something. I don't know how difficult that is but I always think being honest or even taking a break is better than cheating.

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  • I'm sure the numbers are about the same as the guys cheating while gone as well. It's just really hard to stay faithful when you're young and separated for so long (maybe indefinitely). Plus from what my marine friend told me, a lot of the guys just get in relationships fast before deployment so they have a girl to talk to consistently and waiting for them whenever they come home. I think there are many aspects to those relationships that are a little corrupt.

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  • I can't really speak for this one, haven't been in any similar sort of situation, but try putting yourself in their shoes. It'd be hard and pretty stressful waiting for someone for a maybe long, maybe indefinite period of time while not knowing if they could be killed, hurt, etc.. Unless you're totally in love and committed, I can imagine it'd be difficult to stick with a person in such unsettling conditions.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Soldiers are the most cheated on people in the world. Part of it is that most military guys marry very early and soon get deployed after that, also their choices are not always too great.

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  • Going into the military with a girl in the states is a bad idea.

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