I'm currently in my longest relationship and we are struggling. I truly want to fix things because I thought breaking up wasn't an option. Advice?

So I've been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years. I met him when I was a freshmen in highschool and he was a senior and we've been together since. About a month after our 1 year anniversary, he cheated on me. But it wasn't for the sex from another girl it was literally as a favor (which is bad I know) but he didn't tell me until about a month ago. He recently told me that he has been forcing himself to be happy to hide behind the guilt of what he did to me. He has also told me that he has "come to the conclusion that he doesn't deserve me". He's also told me that every time he looks at me it's a reminder of what he did to me and then when he thinks of that he starts remembering all the other bad things he's ever done to people who didn't deserve it, resulting in a big spiral of unhappiness. I don't know how to fix this, he has told me over and over again it's not my fault. I'm not ready for him to leave me because 1) he hasn't given me the chance to try and help him and brcause it's a very sudden shock and I've been having a very hard time with it. He tells me he hates himself and it breaks my heart to try and fix things when I feel like he won't even help himself. I love him with all my heart and truly got caught on the future and thought I would spend the rest of my life with him. I still want that but I'm trying to prepare myself for the worse. Please help.


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What Guys Said 2

  • What do you mean he cheated on you as a favor? Can you explain that part?

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    • His encounter with the girl he cheated on me with was basically that her and her boyfriend did not have sex anymore and she was worried about her relationship being ruined and it somehow came to that he was going to help her out or something. He told me he doesn't remember the whole encounter that we'll.

  • a favor? sounds like he has created a way to break up with you that makes him look good when in reality he has moved on from you and is likely still cheating he is just trying to give you reasons to break up without him being the total dick. this is a classic approach it seems for him to move on from you while watching himself of guilt in the public eye. you need to know it is done and stop hanging on

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    • But would he really hold it in for 2 years? He told me the reason he waited so long to tell me is because he didn't want me to break up with him and he was afraid to lose me. But now that I've fogriven him and given him the second chance his own unhappiness is destroying him.

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