Got into a fight with my best friend about an ex? What to do?


I got in a fight with my best friend (warning kind of a long story, like REALLY long)

So I have a best friend who I can tell anything to... She tells me anything. She once had a boyfriend and he was a cool person. We used to go to the movies together, us 3.
Now... They broke up. She still feels something for the guy. It was a harsh breakup. She doesn't know how he still feels about it. So She has heartache, hasn't found closure yet.

Me and him still talk on and off. No flirting or anything, we're just friends. We just talk every now and then just like we do with a lot of friends, to catch up on things.
And in the meantime I still see my best friend almost daily, we talk daily.

Anyway, one day I canceled our daily call because that ex wanted to talk to me and I was like sure why not. Because it's been a while that I've spoken to him and we got along well, I didn't see any harm in it.
The people who know me, know that I just went for the direct honest approach and told my best friend that I'm going to talk to her ex for a second, because it's been some time. My best friend felt betrayed, and she wanted some space. Now she's still having her space, I don't know how it's going to go.

My question. Should I have dropped a friend, because of a best friend? is my best friend being a bit unreasonable because?

Updates:
Details: Like 6 or more months prior me and my best friend had a long talk about her not being able to move on. But 1. She's in a new relationship, 2. She didn't bring up her ex after ALL THIS TIME.
So I thought she moved on by now.

I always had this mindset of... There are people who I get along with, but I haven't seen them in months or even years. If I got a chance to catch up, I would gladly do so and cancel plans I have with people who I'd see everyday.
Of course, this person happened to be her ex, but me and that ex are still cool. I don't like to pick sides and drop a friend because of another friend (in this case, my best friend)

So please... Was I in the wrong? What should I do now about this, should I take my distance from the ex? She literally feels pushed aside.
Thanks everyone for helping me out and giving me advice and their view on this.
She told me to choose between him and her.
After thinking for some time, I decided to drop the ex and cut off all contact to keep the frienship of me and my best friend. I did tell her though that I find it ridiculous and selfish on her part and that I will never agree with the reasoning, but that my bond with her is worth more than my friendship with the ex.
She accepted that and we managed to fix this.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Im with her on this one.
    First off, i dont believe a oerson should be too close with a friends bf/gf in the first. The reason being, incidents like this post of yours.
    Being your best friend, she probably tought of you going along with the bro code on this one.
    Usually that would mean you stop talking to her ex.
    Since he is your friend too, she may not have asked you to stoo talking to him alltogether.
    That doesn't mean she doesn't expect your loyalty. So when you cancelled on her for your ex, that was betrayal.
    I would never forgive my friends if they did that to me either.
    My friends as well as my sister hadn't unfriended my ex from fb after we broke up. When i realized that later it had been a while and it would be awkward to ask them all to do it now. However i did ask them if they were still talking to her, and none did, exeot my sis. I told her to cut that out and she accepted my demand

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    • Jeez, that "bro code" of yours goes totally and utterly against the "bro code" I learned.
      And your demand of your sister was 100% unreasonable in my view.

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    • @Losalt i dont quite get your response. To what part did you actually respond?

    • Thanks for mho

What Guys Said 14

  • There's no right or wrong answer. It depends on the culture too and situation.
    In this case, I feel you should have asked if it is okay to keep in touch when the time is right. It would be best not to contact him until you ask her and she's okay with. Doesn't matter if you are just a friend, when your friends had a nasty break up, you usually should stop talking to the ex unless you were friends with the ex first. She'd be insecure and of course common to feel betrayed. As she'd feel you've taken his side instead of hers. Even that isn't true. So the question is, if you have to choose which one to keep... Who would it be? This is the worst scenario. Ideally, you should not lose a friend because of someone's break up. But some may think ex keep in touch with a friend to see what she's up to.

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  • Good to know that it's solved. But not sure of leaving a friend for another is the best thing to do. Still best friends r more important than just friends sometimes they could b stupid but ain't that the reason y v become best friends as v can b the most stupidest with them unlike others?

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  • For me it's just something because I wouldn't like it that I would never ever go out with one of my friends Ex-Wives or ex-girlfriends ever that kind it is a betrayal of friendship that you have with your friend it's kind of like a Unwritten rule now if I just saw the ex at the storms out and we started talking that's a whole different story I mean that's being her friend too but but I would never date her see an friend's EX

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  • glad its fixed but that was some BS if you ask me especially when your friend has a new guy, if she didn't or hadn't at least hooked up with a few guys then I could see her point. but after she's had a boyfriend for awhile or at least had 2-3 guys for one night stands then they should hopefully help knock the BS outta her so she can move on

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  • You are in the right and she's still holding onto her feeling for him and you are the common link so are catching the heat for it. You are fine and hopefully one day she will sane up...

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    • Right now... I haven't responded to her. Her last message was that I should pick a side... I feel so stuck. And I only talk to that Ex once every few months

    • She should not but you in a position that you have to choose. That is a very selfish act on her part...

  • You shouldn't drop them but try to talk to your friend and ask her why she can't move on like ask her what's the real honest reason

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    • She doesn't know how he feels. And I'm like hesitant to ask him about it, since he seems really happy. I don't want to bring up those memories of his break up. I feel so stuck

  • what do you mean cancelled the call?

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    • Like We'd call eachother and talk for hours every day. And I thought it'd be okay to just call that friend for an hour and then get back to my best friend

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    • @Losalt good point there

  • You definitely have the right mindset. it would sting a little at the time it happened but if she truly is your friend she would get over it and be back to normal the next day

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  • Well if you have no fillings but friends them no harm she had no right to be mad you shouldn't have to give up friends just cuz a friends has a ex

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  • You shouldn't drop any of them, but you shouldn't have told her that you'd talk to him as well. It just reminded her of the pain that she feels.

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  • You didn't do anything wrong, Your bestfriend is losing her cool because she likes this person a lot it seems and she sounds kinda insecure as well. Be diplomatic, Explain the situation to her-lucidly.

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  • if you did what you thought was right that's all that should matter not worth the hassle life is too short

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  • who cares of the past, ex is ex, friend is present.. forget the past, don't let it ruin your present.. my 2 cents

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  • you seem strong enough.

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