Need advice from a GUY - Bro, how did you get over heartbreak?

Men and women handle breakups differently. There are a lot of tough guys out there who can move right along, but I hate to admit I'm not one of them.

What you women don't realize is men can NOT afford to look emotional in front of everybody. We can't get on facebook and blab all of our problems, we don't tell every person we see all about our feelings/hurt.

Most of the time we do things like get drunk or violent or something extreme when we are hurt. Criticize us all you want, but how many of you ladies respect a man who is open about his feelings? Let me put it more accurately, how many of women are ATTRACTED TO (YES I DO MEAN SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO) an emotional/sensitive men? You SAY you are...but your not.

Here's the thing. I'm real heart broken myself. It happened 6 weeks ago but I still miss her alot. But I'm in a situation where I can't afford to drink/party/screw around. At least for a few weeks. In the inside it's tearing me apart. I want to call my ex really bad, but I'm stayed tough and not contacted her for a few weeks now. I want to cry, but I CAN'T! As a 28yr old man I am not given this luxury to ventilate to the world about how I feel. Although I have a penis it doesn't mean I'm bulletproof though.

So bros: what's the best way you got over your heartbreak? Sleeping around? Drinking? What worked best for you?

The only thing that is has brought me some good distraction is strangely video games.
thanks everybody for my help. The thing is this break up happened at a bad time. I'm training for a athletic competition and I don't have time to socialize much and I can't drink. I'm also pretty impatient and short tempered. I took a girl a few days
ago and got bored quick with her conversation. I couldn't wait for the date to be over. The normal me would be thinking of ways to drill her in the mattress. But my libido to other women just isn't there.
Connein...thanks so much for your advice bro. I think I'm a the "overwhelming loss" stage so I guess acceptance stage is right around the corner.


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What Girls Said 1

  • I'm not a guy but I'll answer anyways.

    You don't have to advertise your pain but writing it down can help and you can cry in your room, if you feel like crying.

    You can write a letter to your ex...but don't send it. Burn it, keep it, tear it up in small pieces and throw it away. You can talk to a trusted friend/relative.

    My brother is going through the same thing and he is using video games to distract him, too.

    It's a distraction but it doesn't make the pain go away.

    You can try one night stands but you may just feel worse the next day and feel bad if the girl you slept with has feelings for you. (However, there are plenty of females who are just into sex with no attachment, either). And, you may just end up missing her more because you're comparing the temporary pleasure of a one night stand to the real love you had or may have had with your ex. (Have you watched the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall? Just wondering).

    Drinking helps for some but really, it can just bring up whatever it is you're keeping inside and you may end up acting like a total douche.

    I share this because I know what guys have done and I've done the same the end, the drinking, partying, and sleeping around can help for a minute...but if you want to really get over someone, you have to do the hard work of dealing with it or it will just carry into the next relationship.

    Or maybe you may just meet that one female while you're out partying/drinking that will help you forget all about your ex and realize that there's someone out there who is a better "fit" for you.

    The best thing to do, for both girls and guys, is to focus on bettering yourself. If you can't concentrate on anything like reading a book, watching funny TV shows/movies, doing something artistic/creative, then try work out. Work out your body. Go running, lift weights, push that pain out. (Increases endorphins, too.)

    Good Luck.


What Guys Said 1

  • I'm going to take some time to write this, so I hope you take it to heart.

    Yes, girls like sensitive guys, in fact they love sensitive guys, what they don't like is whiny guys. Big difference, no, I'm not calling you whiny, in fact I'm very sensitive, however the only time it becomes unattractive is when it turns into whining about your feelings rather than sharing them. As a guy, we aim to solve our problems in relationships, however the ladies need a bit more time to consider all the aspects of the problem before coming to a final resolution. Men or sensitive men have a habit of putting our issues on the table, but then when we don't get an immediate response, we get whiny, and they hate nothing more than a man that is fast becoming a girl. Sensitive is great, in fact best, but must be accompanied by confidence. You must remain solid in what you stand for, but also patient in allowing them to process the outcome over a longer period of time. In that time we get overly sensitive, or whiny.

    On to the rest, believe it or not, screwing around, drinking, and partying will only prolong what you are going through. Not only will it prolong it, it will make it worse, and if your not careful, you will find yourself in this same place in a year or 2, only a lot worse off. What your feeling is grief, it's natural and you should actually be thankful that your feeling this rather than not, it's a good indicator that your a healthy person. The 5 stages of grief are denial, "this can't be happening to me", anger "why me", bargaining, which you may or may not have already done with her, depression "overwhelming feeling of loss", and finally acceptance. You will likely jump around from one stage to the next all the while working your way to the end. Because we are people and we have feelings, memories, dreams, hopes, etc. It's normal to feel pain when losing someone close to you, when it's the closest person in your life, it's much harder. Your on the right road, I can see the anger in your letter. Get involved in healthy things to take up your time and don't compromise them next time you meet someone. Video Games is OK, but you need to get out and interact as uncomfortable as it seems. And you need to just sit and reflect and remember her, rather forget her if you will. Trust me, in this short life I've tried them all, sleeping around, drinking, or whatever. But this process of grief will treat you the best. It will teach you a very essential life skill that few people have called long-suffering. This is life, and if your looking for a quick fix, you WILL NOT find it. Take this time to learn to be happy alone, and in that, you will find many other very rewarding things.

    • I am going through something similar with this girl I am deeply in love with but she can't choose between me and some other guy. The weird thing is is that she chose him right when we were working to make our relationship better, so when I find out she apologizes and she tells me her feelings are stronger for me, but when I confront her about him she gives me attitude... I'm hurting so bad right now, I've written a story on it, I would appreciate it so much if someone checked it out..

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