He's going back to his ex, but I still want him - can I do anything at this time?

So, I started a new job nearly a year ago, & within the first day it was like I had known this guy my whole life. We clicked on everything.
He had a girlfriend & I had a boyfriend. So never gave it any thought. Then I split up with my boyfriend but still didn't give it any thought.
Over a few weeks it became apparent that we had strong feelings for each other. On a night out we got together. We didn't have sex. He was still with his girlfriend. We saw each other again & it was obvious the feelings ran deeper than being purely sexual. A week later he tells me he's left her because he wants me. We had a perfect (if short) time together then I went away 1 weekend & he told me he wanted to go back to his ex. I was devastated. But let him go. A few days later when I returned to work he told he'd made a mistake. We tried again. Then he told me he wanted his ex back. Then he came back & told me he loved me & I was everything he wanted. Tried again. After he told his ex he was moving on, she contacts him & says she wants him back. He's left me again. I've let him go back to her. All this has happened in 4 weeks. Him & I share a lot of common interests & we honestly have an amazing connection. His ex & him... well apparently she doesn't like to do anything he does. I don't know about their relationship or anything else. Just that he's not over her & says he needs time and he's confused. I think he knows what he wants tbh. I now know he's a liar, & a cheat obviously. I know I shouldn't have got with him that 1st night. Sadly I have never seen a future with anyone before & I really do see a future between us. Which would work if he was obviously over his ex. Other than letting him get on with it, is there anything I can do about this? I still work with him which is both an advantage & a massive disadvantage. I know I should bin him off. I've read back what I've written and it's slapping me in the face with the answer, but I'm not ready to stop fighting for what I believe in yet.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Do you really want this kind of indecisiveness for the rest of your life?
    My crystal ball says you would become bored out of your mind for someone so wishy-washy - cuz this is what he's gonna do with EVERYTHING. He's weak! Girls are not into weak guys!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it's time to stop. You're only hurting yourself

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What Guys Said 16

  • It sounds painful. I'm sorry you have to go through this. At the end of the day, it might be a blessing in disguise.

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  • Wow... this guy is a player. He has his cake and eats it too. He is just playin you both. Grow up (you are acting like you are 12) realize that this guy is really shitty to both you and her. He is not worth your time, your effort, your feelings. Get away from him, because he is not going to stop doing this to you.

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  • As you said, there's nothing you can do. I think he probably is genuinely conflicted, but you don't need to be put in the middle of his problem.

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  • make yourself less available and see if he really wants you or her. make him come to you and then when he does talk to him about how he keeps going back and forth.

    "who u really want honey?"

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  • Both of you have a unhealthy relationship, which I find scary.

    if you're willing to cheat on your boyfriend, and he's willing to cheat on his girlfriend, what makes you think stealing him will create the relationship you want?

    In this alone, I'd leave the relationship, because down the road, what makes you think he won't cheat on you?

    Food for thought.

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    • I never cheated on my boyfriend with him.

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    • rereading your post, and I'm not trying to fix you, however, if and when he's available to see, I would suggest giving yourself a few months to a year to assess your friendship and his commitment to you, before getting so involved your heart is broken if he backs out again.

    • Thank you. Just really sucks.

  • forget about him.. he dont deserve you

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  • Look as hot and sexy as possible. Talk about life and other deep stuff. Be funny.

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  • Fool me once shame on you
    Fool me twice shame on me.

    He will not leave his ex. And you will be strung along.

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  • My wife and I have come close to breaking up several times. But, we can't. Call it codependency. But, we have this inexplicable tie that binds up. Sounds like they have the same thing.

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  • Sounds like your a sex pawn for his game. If someone leaves someone for you why don't people realize they will prob do it to you. You need to just accept your there for sex or move on.

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  • No, you can't.

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  • As i tell all people a ex is ex for reason so got figure this out.

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  • You and his " ex" should probably do lunch. You may find neither one of you want him

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  • is sharing an option?

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  • You can cry and watch TV.

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  • Nope nothing you can do. It's him moving on... you should, too :(

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What Girls Said 3

  • Not much you can do but respect yourself by walking away

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  • just let him go, you should never let him treat you as an option but as his priority. if he's not over with his ex yet then you can't do anything about it, you cannot force him to choose you, both of you will just end up hurting eventually.

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  • Why would you want to? He's playing games and I'm surprised you've played his games with him. He's played you long enough.

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