Can guys really leave over this?

I was dating this guy for 2 1/2 months. the problem was , he had just got out of a 4 year relationship maybe 5 month prior and she cheated.
we did everything like a couple, he introduced me to family, best friends , but NEVER MADE IT OFFICIAL. However we talked about making it offical and he said he wants it to happen on its own, but that was a reason we would argue because I'd question why he wasn't making it official with me..
he was the type to not show his emotions, and horrible communication. He had a lot going on in his family : his mom is an alcoholic, they have no father in their life , and his little brother who's 4 has a life threatening disease.
I tried my best to ALWAYS be there, even when he never opened up to me, I told him I wanted to be the person he runs to when life got hard. background info: he was jealous and would get mad if a guy friend would text me. would try to control me and I wouldn't let
him.
he just started getting distant in a week. we wouldn't see each other much
i would ask him what's going on and he wouldn't take my questions serious he would make a joke.
so I put an end to it Because I felt like I was putting my all and was getting nothing in return..
we hadn't talked for 4 days so I told him I needed closure. he came over and I asked why was he acting like that,
he told me he has a lot going on in life and (he's 20) he needs to find himself. he said he looks at himself and feels lost.. like he doesn't know which direction his life is going in.. and he told me with what his ex did it's hard for him to start a new relationship and I'm just so upset. I feel like I wasted my time. he basically told me that he felt he didn't waste his time because he saw what an amazing girl I am and how I have a huge heart.
my question is, is it possible people need time by themselves? Like I don't see why he needed to let me go.. he said he wanted to end on good terms and I told him no because I was hurt. Do you think this was a legitimate reason?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This all sounds too familiar. I just got out of a 6 year relationship for the same general reasons. I loved her more than anything, and I always will. We met in college frshman yr, we graduated and moved back home to different states. She landed a stable job. I went back to grad school, still have another year, but I don't know where my opportunities might lie once I finish. Unlike her, I currently have nothing that grounds me, nothing that defines me, bc I don't even fully know yet who I am or what I want. Hence my struggle: what will make me most happy in the end? I truly love this girl and I see a life with her... true love is rare... do I hold on tight and never let go? or do I do the logical thing and let her go, in hopes to not only find myself, but also to avoid even greater heartache from our (seemingly) inevitable failure. She eventually did exactly what u did - demanded answers to questions (questions that truly caused her pain and anxiety) - which I just couldnt provide to her at the moment. So for the sake of both of us, I finally made the hardest decision I've ever had to make, I broke it off.

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    • t can be hard for someone to envision an ending to their internal struggles when there is continuous added pressure from other externalities. It can truly cloud ones individuality and perception of self, and evoke a sense of distrust of ones own inner self workings - this is an very scary feeling - when suddenly your head is so clouded that u can't even see what's right in front of u, let alone see a path that leads you to back toward a direction of growth and fulfillment.

    • There comes a point where it seems the only safe option is to retreat, for yourself and for the sake of not causing pain for the one u love. If u truly want to be with himbe patient &upfront, convey your willingness to him. Make him see your end goal. Ackowledge that it could be a long strenuous road to the happiness you seek with him but you're willing if he is; I promise eventually he will reciprocate this gesture with his commitment to u.

    • Wow.. that all makes soo much sense! And the thing is like her as well, I do know where invited at and what I want. I'm 20 years old, a manager , go to a university.. and him, well like I said he goes through different jobs each month..& I automatically assumed that since he's letting me go, that he had someone else.. but just like you, it is possible people could do that.. did you feel like she couldn't help you though? Like I was there for him always trying to help him , and when he said he needed to find himself I figured I'm not a burden or anything , like if anything I'm the only one whose there for him.. do u ever regret doing that? But I'm sure it a day goes by that you don't think about her.. he wanted to leave it on good terms but I refused because it hurt too much.. and I saw that upset Him.. he pealed out from my house and took the stop sign. It just sucks it really does. I feel like I got the short end of the stick

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What Guys Said 5

  • When you are in a relationship you can't keep score and have it work out in the end. A healthy relationship has ups and downs but if one person does something and expects an equal something in return you probably will think that your time is wasted. You may have been pushing him a little harder then he needed to be at the time. Don't worry it he NEVER MADE IT OFFICAL, as long as you are spending time with a person you like shouldn't that be enough?

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  • TL. DR.

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  • some like to be alone. some like to be around people. some drink. some cry.

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  • Will You Marry Me If I Read This all?😜

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  • You broke up with him. stop bitching and moaning. if you really like him, go get him back.

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