Why am I getting into married men even after I suffered because of an infidelity?

My father cheated on my mom for a year or so. I found out about it after their separation in September. When I found out infidelity was the reason why I got so mad at my father and whatever woman or women he slept with. I hated them so much. I even daydreamed about finding them and killing them. I was very mad. Now I am just kind of over it and forgive my dad and getting along with him again. But today I just sexted older married men and felt aroused by the thought of it even one had a son 2 years older than me and I found it so hot. I stayed completely anonymous and I cut it out quickly and now feel bad about it. Like super bad. But why did I enjoy it? Even after I know the pain of being deceived and what infidelity can do to a family. Why did I do this? I feel like a horrible person. Why did I get aroused by it? Is it some psychological thing that I may subconsciously want others to suffer like I did or what?
Why am I getting into married men even after I suffered because of an infidelity?
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