How do you deal with having feelings for someone else when you're in a rocky relationship?

When you're in a committed long term relationship, but are having issues do you feel guilty for having feelings for someone else?

Would you start seeking the other person out more or would you start avoiding them?
Updates:
It's not me who is in the relationship. It's my guy friend. I'm trying to understand his recent behavior towards me. He is in a relationship now that I suspect is in trouble and has been for a while. Sometimes he's really sweet to me and shows signs of interest. Sometimes it feels as though he's trying to get closer to me, but other times it's like he's pushing me away. I do like him... a LOT! I'm not the type who's going to interfere so I'm trying to keep a safe distance while also try

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Give it time... the dust might settle in the rocky relationship and the feelings for the other person might just be premature... Just give it time.
    if the rocky rel doesn't work out... then you can move on. but do not be in a haste or you may end up with a mistake.

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    • Thanks for your insight. It's actually not me who is in the relationship. It's my guy friend. I'm trying to understand his recent behavior towards me. He is in a relationship now that I suspect is in trouble and has been for a while. Sometimes he's really sweet to me and shows signs of interest. Sometimes it feels as though he's trying to get closer to me, but other times it's like he's pushing me away. I do like him... a LOT! I'm not the type who's going to interfere so I'm trying to keep a safe distance while also trying to just stay friends with him and offer help ONLY IF he asks. This situation just has me puzzled.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Been there and felt guilty. That's emotional cheating. If things aren't getting better it's better to leave the relationship, even though it seems hard now. In the long run, you will be happier.

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    • It's really hard to walk away from someone you enjoy spending time with, but if you still want to make your relationship work, it's better to avoid them. You're steeping on risky ground, as you can't control your feelings.

    • Thanks for your insight. It's actually not me who is in the relationship. It's my guy friend. I'm trying to understand his recent behavior towards me. He is in a relationship now that I suspect is in trouble and has been for a while. Sometimes he's really sweet to me and shows signs of interest. Sometimes it feels as though he's trying to get closer to me, but other times it's like he's pushing me away. I do like him... a LOT! I'm not the type who's going to interfere so I'm trying to keep a safe distance while also trying to just stay friends with him and offer help ONLY IF he asks. This situation just has me puzzled.

    • You're being really respectful about his relationship. He's in a hard situation and so are you.
      I think it's very likely that he has feelings for you. That's why sometimes he tries to distance himself.
      If you want to help him I'd try to understand what is his situation exactly. Does he still loves his wife? Are they happy? Does he see a future with her? Or is he just avoiding ending the relationship because that's easier?
      I don't know how bad their relationship is or what are the problems they're having.
      But his answers to these questions are the answer for everything.
      And, as a friend that you are -before being someone who has feelings for him - try to talk with him about this and find out if it's better for you to move on or tell him that he needs to leave the relationship to be happier.

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What Guys Said 2

  • If you respect him and his relationship then let it fall apart naturally rather then you being the cause of it to end.

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  • How you got feelings for

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What Girls Said 10

  • Well... I wouldn't develop full-on 'feelings' for someone else despite already being in a LT relationship as feelings generally start as nothing more than a crush, which then will only strengthen if you continue to nurture them. Hypothetically speaking, though, if I ever felt like I truly cared for someone other than my boyfriend and that I could see myself being happier in a relationship with them than my boyfriend, I'd end things with him before getting obviously flirty and all to this crush.

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  • End the rocky relationship. Its OK to look at and fancy other people if u are already with someone but it's not ok to have feelings for someone else. End the relationship and be on your own for a while, don't just jump into something or someone else.

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  • Yeah it's best to keep your distance from him, until if he really has feelings for you he needs to end it with his partner. Or he is not going to end it, it best to let it be as it can be emotional draining for both of you. Also it could stop you from finding someone else who is available.

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  • You should not start one relationship before you finish the next... It will just make everything very complicated... you need to make sure you are done with the first relationship and take sometime and heal... then start the new relationship... you can be friends with the person but nothing more until you heal... I know this is easier said than done... but it will save you a lot of confusion and even more heartache

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  • I had the same problem, when I started dating someone they told me they had feelings for someone else. I was terrified, I know I cried a lot, I felt betrayed and hurt. Eventually, we worked through it after I kindly asked her to avoid this person like the plague.

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  • Avoid... sort your relationship out first.. no matter the outcome.. u stay.. u break up... u will know u tried your best... and u can avoid the guilt

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  • Depends on what the issues are. I like having a shoulder to cry on, so if I were troubled, I'd probably talk to the person.

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  • Honesty is the best policy

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  • How does your heart feel?

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    • It's actually not me who is in the relationship. It's my guy friend. I'm trying to understand his recent behavior towards me. He is in a relationship now that I suspect is in trouble and has been for a while. Sometimes he's really sweet to me and shows signs of interest. Sometimes it feels as though he's trying to get closer to me, but other times it's like he's pushing me away. I do like him... a LOT! I'm not the type who's going to interfere so I'm trying to keep a safe distance while also trying to just stay friends with him and offer help ONLY IF he asks. This situation just has me puzzled.

    • What part is puzzling?

  • i avoid

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