Guys, Get back with ex who lost feelings?

My ex broke up with me two weeks ago after a two week cool off period. We have been dating for two years. The break up happened as I grilled him on the delayed engagement. he's been unemployed for about one month when the argument happened. He broke up with me saying he lost feelings for 6 months and he said he cannot enter marriage if the feelings died off so quickly. I was busy in these 6 months with work and MBA and forgot to look out for him. I was also complaining a lot because of my stress and the delayed engagement. I had huge emotional swings and was needy. We were good friends before entering the relationship. I've always been the person to force his commitment (e. g. enter relationship, see his parents, ask him to see my parents, and engagement). I begged him to come back for a few days and blew off on him; he stopped talking to me claiming he was hurt. We've been in no contact for 1 week now. I want to know if I have a good chance of getting him back. What should I do?
He told our mutual friends that we broke up pretty soon. I was devastated.

I feel he's the sort that is pretty firm about the decision. It's a bit scary that he said he lost his feelings but I only felt it in the last month or so.

Though since early this year, because of my schedule, it was hard to spend quality time together and we did a lot less things together. Most of the time he comes and eats with me, or accompanies me as I work and study.
Also, I moved countries to be with him. However, he's been delaying his commitment and is not really driving the relationship. we had agreed that when we got together to work towards marriage. Thats where a lot of the fights come from.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Normally I would advise you to move on. But because you dated for 2 years I would say that you are in serious relationship territory. It means that no matter how the relationship ended, there was at some point something very real and profound that kept both of you together.

    It sounds like he either wasn't ready to get married or wasn't sure he wanted to marry you. Being with someone for the rest of your life is a terrifying thing. Can you really live with having sex with only one person and not know what its like to be inside of someone else? Is this person's annoyances and insecurities worth it? These are things that people think about when it comes to the marriage question. It sounds like he was getting a lot of pressure from you at a time when he needed the most space and freedom to think. By pressuring him you force a decision of the gut and the heart to be made cognitively. An emotional investment should also be an emotional decision. You can't force that type of thing. THis is the number one mistake that women make. It causes guys to run away and have sex with anything that moves as a "last chance" experience of freedom heading toward the gallows of marriage.

    Why am I talking about sex? Well, because it is hugely important for a guy in marriage. I believe that the true test of your love is the emotions that are left after sex. No matter how in love two people are-sex will sometimes be a chore or kind of boring. You need mutual respect and communication to rekindle that fire when it happens. And it WILL. These are things guys think about.

    Here is my advice to you about your situation. There IS still something left to salvage. There is still love there. It is worth fighting for and working for. But what you absolutely have to do is recreate what it felt like when you guys first started dating. This takes time and work. But don't ever talk about marriage. Guy's think about it. Let him come to that decision. You job is to work with him so you both remember why you loved each other. Plan date nights. Light some candles. Spice up the romance even if you are tired. Go on walks. You have to treat it like it is a brand new courtship. Start from square one. Also, do new and exciting activities together that promote bonding-often times fear is a good thing for that. So... rock climbing or a scary thing where teamwork is required other than sex.

    My ex of 2 year and I broke up last year. My heard goes out to you!

    • *my heart goes out to you. not my heard.

    • Show All
    • I hope he comes back :( really miss him
      Do you think he will?

    • You might have been so needy that you screwed shot beyond repair. he may come back but not while you wait for him. Strangely people only come back when you have completely moved on. A person senses that and then craves like wildfire the feeling of being desired that they once had.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You said that he broke up with you because he lost feelings for you a while back, so in order for the relationship to work he needs to be the one to come back to you. Look at it this way: if you are the one trying to get in contact with him and get the relationship together this clearly shows that you really care about the relationship but are puzzled as to where your ex stands about your relationship. If he is the one trying to actively contact you to talk things out and get the relationship back together, then this is a CLEAR sign that he wants you back. Its kind of like that saying where you appreciate things better when you are the one to do it yourself rather than having someone do it for you.

    So the best thing for you to do would be to wait for his response for about 3-6 months. I know that it is going to be hard for you to just sit and wait to see if he comes back for you but in the end it is for the benefit of your relationship. So please, no texting, calling, voicemails, social media stalking, etc with your ex. Hope this helps you and wish you the best of luck

  • MBA Very dynamic.

    "I've always been the person to force his commitment..." "We were good friends before entering the relationship."

    1. Back off. You are being very, very aggressive.

    2. Ask him if he will still be your friend. Tell him you really don't want to lose his friendship. I think if there is any chance of getting back together, you two need some time to calm down and not argue, debate, or insist your feelings are valid. Just be friendly acquaintances for a little while.

    I may be way off base; this is just my opinion.


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