Why Did She Break Up, and Winning Her Back?

I met an incredible woman at a train station a while back. We instantly hit it off, and there was obvious mutual attraction. We agreed to go out. Because we live about 40 minutes apart, dates would take planning, so we exchanged contacts. Unfortunately for me and especially her, she got mono before we could go out. Up until that point, we kept in touch with texts and phone calls. She fell out of touch with everyone while she was sick, but seemed just as eager to go out a few weeks later when she felt better. The week we had planned to go out, however, she started ignoring my calls and texts. I tried chatting her on Facebook, and she blocked me. I have very strong feelings for this girl, and I thought she did up until this last week.

I have brainstormed a few reasons why she may have stopped talking to me.

-- I came on too strong: We both flirted with each other, so I doubt this was the issue. I did say she looked beautiful in some of her pictures, as well as sent her a cute acrostic poem I was saving for our date while she was sick, to help her feel better.

-- I was clingy: I tried to call or text about once a day. She seemed fine with this, and when I asked her if it was annoying, she violently disagreed.

-- I second-guessed that she didn't want to go out before I knew she had mono. When after two weeks she said she couldn't do it, I assumed she wasn't ready, and told her we didn't have to go out if she didn't want to, and that I respected her opinion. I found out she had mono immediately after.

-- The distances between us: she's two years older than me. She may either be afraid of being ridiculed about going out with a younger guy, or doesn't want to feel the pain of leaving a boyfriend at home while she goes to school. She also lives about 40 minutes away; she may not be ready for committing to this kind of long-distance relationship. Neither of these seemed like an issue to her when we talked about going out, but it's a possibility.

-- She found another guy friend. It's possible, but she did say I should call so we could plan our date.

-- She's simply too busy. She has a job in retail that she works several days a week. In our chat, she said she would probably be working most of the week, and that she didn't know if the date would work, before blocking me. She may simply not want the distraction at the moment.

Which of these reasons seems the most likely culprit? There is nothing I wouldn't do at this moment to win her back. I am planning on giving her space for several weeks, before trying to patch up whatever wrongs I may have done. A few ideas that have crossed my mind are writing a letter of apology, or baking her something and sending it to her workplace (she -loves- baking, and loves cliches). Girls, how would you respond to these advances? Even if she is ultimately not interested in a relationship, I am hoping we can at least remain friends. I would appreciate any feedback I can get at this point.


Most Helpful Guy

  • - Yes things definitely got weird when you're sending her poems. Save that for when you're dating, not when she barely knows you.

    - Calling/texting once a day is too much when you've never been on an actual date and hardly know each other. Leave her in suspense until the date to build attraction, otherwise she gets bored. Asking if you are annoying her will only further annoy her (her disagreeing is her trying to be nice).

    - Depending how you "second guessed" her (what you said) this may or may not be an issue.

    - You're way over thinking this. You never even had a date with her. Those things wouldn't be serious concerns until she got to know you a little better.

    - Always possible someone else came into her life.

    - "Too busy" is never an issue when you really like someone. You find the time for them.

    Honestly, I think it's time to move on from this girl before she calls the police. She's ignoring your calls/texts and blocked you on Facebook. That is a very strong signal that she no longer wants to talk with you. Sending her a letter or baked goods to where she works is only going to freak her out more.


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What Girls Said 4

  • I agree with the first answer you got. I'd also like to add that maybe she just isn't that attracted to you, not necessarily that someone new came into her life. Believe it or not, women don't just go with a guy because he's the only one who asks. And please don't send her any gifts or contact her. It'll only make these more awkward. If there is anything there let her tell you.

  • oh man you were facebook stalking I don't blame her for blocking you... you know sometimes you have to save some for later when you actually do go out with the person. How to win her back? umm obviously you never had her to begin with. While she was sick it was great receiving your text because it was something to read while she was sick.

    However once you started leaving comments on her pictures and poems... then it started out becoming over the top for her.

  • I think : You came on too strong and maybe she found another guy :) good luck though.

  • I pick both you are too clingy and you came on too strong. It sounds like you never went out with her, is that correct? Most people are highly suspect of someone who is showing this much attention without ever having been on a date or really knowing them.

    You use phrases like "win her back" and "I have very strong feelings for this girl". Sorry, but you did not have her in the first place to win her back and how can you have strong feelings for someone you don't even know. The fact that you would send her a letter of apology or a cake is way, way, way too clingy and completely inappropriate. You are acting like she was your girlfriend. She wasn't.

    I am sorry to be so harsh and firm on this, but consider this a lesson learned. Until you have been on many dates with someone, keep your heart to the side and recognize you need to get to know someone before you start developing feelings.


What Guys Said 1

  • She has another guy, possibly her ex...


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