Is his depression a lie?

I've been dating this guy for a year. Three weeks ago he announced me he's depressed, he's feeling sad, i tried my best to support him. Three days ago, he texted me at 1am that we gotta meet tomorrow and that we need to talk, i knew that we're over, i asked him and he said "i really don't want to do this here", i was angry, i tried to convince him that it wasn't a solution, when i checked my phone at 5 am, i found a text from him, he can't stand seeing me because he broke so many promises and he feels horrible and guilty, i asked him if i can come over to see him, he accepted. I went to his place and we talked, he was crying and begging for forgiveness, he would lean in for a kiss and pull away sobbing. I told him that he'd always find me around when he needs me. I went home and told my friend everything "do you remember when i asked you the other day, well i think that its him on the pictures" she showed me pictures of my boyfriend and an other girl, he was holding her at the beach, i could barely believe my eyes. I texted him and he admitted that he goes out with her, he defended her saying she helped him to be honest with himself and realize what was wrong, what was wrong is me. I was so angry, i could barely talk. He keeps telling me he loves me but I'm the reason he's depressed, that i didn't love him the way he wanted, even though i was very delicate the last weeks, i never blamed him when i found out his texts with other girls, i forgave him, and this is what i got. He texted me this morning begging for forgiveness, i replied "your apologies don't make sense, just like your empty promises. You can make those promises to her, give her a baby, adopt a kitten and be happy, because she made you realize i was wrong" he said that he's sorry and that i was the best thing that happened to him, and that he loves me, i didn't say anything. I'm still deeply in love with him, but I'm really hurt and i don't know what to do.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hi Wissalf,

    Hope you are holding up good from your side. personnaly, people usually reacts or get emotionally troubled when something is wrong. Now saying blonding that you are the issue isn't totally mature from his side. His feeling of guilt or lack of integrity could also be a sign of the lack of maturity as well. If you know your partner is killing you inside, you only need to find help to make both of you notice it in a respectfull way. He had to go to a nother girl and let her tell him that you are the issue. I beleive that the girl inly said what he wanted to ear as he portraited the situation in a way that made you the "bad person". This is verry delicate. As he still wants to talk to you, it might the oportunity to get to know what was the Real problem. For most men, staying in a long term relationship without any motive or porpuse can kill us. I had a similar issue. But that is another discussion. You need to figure out what made him depress. Is it the relationship, work, another girl? But for now, he seems to think another girl can save him, but the same pattern will repeat.

    • The problem is that whenever we had an argument, i would get angry and say something hurtful, and i eventually had to stop, so instead of arguing I'd go offline or apologize and ignore him until i feel calm, then I'd apologize and try to figure out the issue. The thing is, he doesn't like it either way, when i argue he gets hurt, when i ignore him so i won't let words slip out, he'd feel worthless. He already told me that he doesn't know how long he can hold on because he gets hurt, and i recently stopped ignoring him and I'd take the blame for everything, but it didn't help.
      I asked him about that girl, if he had feelings for her, he said yes, but they're not as strong as the ones he has for me, he didn't make any promises to her and he's planning to leave her as soon as things get better for him.

    • Show All
    • At the same time you must know the emotion that is coming out and why it is coming out. if u can do that (takes practice) you will be able to see past that and go to the core issue of your relationships. You will also see people for what they are. for now take some time to accept his situation however painful it is. Go out with friends, spend time with family, go do whatever u like doing and dont think about that. just keep thinking about what makes you feel good daily. when he gets his act together, you will be able to either help him or realize that it was not worth it.

    • life is like a thunder. Shiny and full of energy. only to see it disapear in a second. Smile and stay cool for me :)
      believe me i was in almost a similar situation. you either get strong or get old

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Regardless of whether there is a future for you with him or not, you NEED to take a step back and end it for a while. Not only for your sake, but for his as well. It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants yet.

    You can bet you will meet someone new in the future too if he doesn't get his act together. Live your life first, and if he's ready, let him back in.

    • I can give him as much time as he needs to heal and love himself again, but a part will probably never forgive him for cheating

  • his depression is a fake as i can tell from what u have mentioned. He's a total dick and a waste of time.


What Girls Said 1

  • I think he's just making excuses and this "depression" is one of them. She made him realize that you were wrong (not saying you are) but why is he blaming you for it? You didn't do anything other than love him. Leave this guy. I know it's hard but you won't be happy if you stay.

    • He's blaming me because whenever we argue I'd either hurt him with words or ignore him, i ignore him so that i won't have to hurt him, and once I'm calm i go and discuss things with him

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