Boyfriend broke up with me and I need advice?

My boyfriend broke up with me and we got back together a day later. He's mad I don't talk with his friends enough. I am a pretty quiet person. He says he still loves me but he doesn't see a future anymore if things stay this way. We're giving it this last shot to see if I can give it my all. First I would like advice on what to do and how to show I really want to be friends with his friends? And second do you think everything will go back to normal if this is fixed now that he wanted to end it?

Updates:
Since then I've been out with his family and friends a few times. It went very well and I talked much more. It felt comfortable and wasn't as difficult as I thought. He's never asked me to change anything. This he didn't even ask me to change he just said he didn't want to be talking for his wife in the future. It has only been a week. Where should I go from here to maintain being equals in the relationship and making sure he has the right expectations and that this is healthy?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If he's telling you to be friends with his friends why are you listening? He can't control you. Let him be mad and go on and find someone that's not controlling.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sweetie, your boyfriend needs to realize that you are a living, breathing person with your own desires and needs; this isn't a damn Sims game. It sounds to me like he's trying to control you; not date you.

    You could explain to him that his friends are HIS friends, and you have no problem with them, but you're not going to change who you are to suit anyone's palette.
    If he can't accept you as you are, what are you even doing with him, anyways?

    Be mindful and respectful of his friends, and don't be afraid to be their friends too, but in your time; and most importantly, stay "you".

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    • Well it has been a year. I think he's mad about "talking for me" and I seem like I don't try. Honestly I agree I need to grow up a bit. But how do I do this and still have him respect me?

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    • *it can for sure, I mean

    • I see you've updated the situation. By the sounds of it, you're doing great. Keep working on those relationships for sure, and in time, talking to people will become easier and more natural. Just remember that you don't have to change your personality; find that middle ground that's comfortable for you. :)

      Keep at it!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • You need to come out of your shell by the sounds of it and socialize with his friends. Make some effort, don't go overboard because they need to reciprocate this. If this is successful then I'd imagine things will likely be even better between you both.

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  • hahaha he is a dick head. he sounds controlling. you should talk more often, about what you need in a relationship. don't bow down to him honey. you be you lady. being a quiet person is fine.

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    • id honestly like to stay together. How do I make him happy and be myself? What should I say to him?

    • he seems controlling like people have commented and if u do get with him or stay with him he may tell u to do other things. u will just be depressed for life, trust me. I think it's best if you leave this relationship

What Girls Said 13

  • You should absolutely make it an effort to be friendly with his friends if this relationship is serious to you. I think love takes effort. He wants you in his circle and if you really make an effort, then I think he will appreciate it. it sounds like he does care about you and the relationship if wants you around him and his friends.

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    • This is one of the few comments that has been reasonable to me. My boyfriend had a good reason for being upset. Things have been getting better. Now my only fear is trusting him again when he talks about our future and feeling like an equal again. I'm not sure how to tell him this politely and let him see how I'm feeling.

  • I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time.
    I think it's unfair of him to expect you to be someone you're not, he started seeing you as you are so he should accept that. I'd completely understand if you were being rude to his friends but if you a simply just quiet and a bit reserved and that's who you are, he can't expect you to change.. that's ridiculous. Honestly I know it's not easy but I think you should leave him, he says he loves you but on the other hand he can't accept you as you are. That's not fair.

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  • You shouldn't have to prove yourself. If he cannot accept that you are just a quiet individual than he is in the wrong.

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    • But I can see why he's upset. He's not asking me to be a different person. He just wants me to be friends with the people close to him

  • well tbh I don't think u should change for anyone. maybe you both aren't meant to be. you shouldn't change yourself though. people should like you for being u.. don't try hard, be yourself

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    • Yeah I'm trying to socialize more while staying me. It hasn't been hard with them. I just want to keep my dignity. I don't want to feel like he controls our whole relationship.

  • you 'DONT TALK " with his friends enough? WTF. Thats not a good enough reason for breaking it off. He may be hiding something. FYI : Most guys love it when their girlfriends dont get close with their friends.

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    • I don't think he's hiding anything. He's very open. And I can see his side. Sometimes I literally would not say anything to them. I would just hangout with him. He felt like he was babysitting me. Things have gotten better now though. We're working on it. I'd just like to continue this progress staying equals. He really doesn't have a controlling behiavior like people have been saying.

    • @Asker ok so nothing? maybe he thought u are coming off as hobnob but I know how it is because truth and fact is I sometimes really have nothng to say to people and would rather speak if I have something useful to contribute to the convo. Anyways, I wish you all the best.

  • listen if your the shy/introverted type and don't feel comfortable talking to people very often then he needs to accept that or just move on. He can't force you to change its just something you kinda have be okay with doing youself.

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  • I've been there before, and honestly, he's a POS if he doesn't understand how difficult it is for you to talk to HIS friends. He's trying to control you, and trust me when I say this isn't the only thing he will ask of you. Don't try to justify his actions, because you know I'm right... You shouldn't be feeling like you're not good enough for him. That's not how relationships work.. I know he means a lot to you, but I'm sorry you fell in love with the wrong person :( I did too, but I'm way better off without all that mind-fuck.

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  • he sounds controlling, id drop him if i were you.

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  • he's pressuring u. and it will continue to happen all throughout ur relationship been there happened to me. dont change who u r for anyone else.

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    • He's never pressured me about anything before and I don't think things will stay this stressful. He didn't want to stay together. I'm the one who wanted to. And things have been going great so far. I just wish I could trust him when he talks about our future and I want to feel like equals again.

  • Is he friends with your friends?

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  • It won't last. YOIre shy and introverted and always will be. He's always only to resent you for that.

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    • No it's not that I was too shy to talk to them. I just didn't try to become friends with them. I've been working on socializing with them and it has been surprisingly easy. His reasoning for being upset was reasonable. I just want to figure out how this gets back to normal again and I feel like an equal again. I want more control in the relationship again. It feels like this recent turn has changed things a bit.

  • '... to see if I can give it my all' what a load of sh*t. He's a manipulative immature idiot if he broke up with you for not talking to his friends enough and then made you feel like you have to give it your all to get back with him. Hell no. This is ridiculous. You have no obligation to talk to his friends, and if he breaks up with you over something this little imagine further down the line when bigger problems arise. Break it off he needs to grow up

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  • I had a similar relationship I even tried to change and be good to him until I heard him saying to his friend that within a month I was gonna be a different person. Huge turn off. I realized he wasn't worth changing myself then being myself (arrogant and proud as he called me) I broke up with him and never spare a glance at him or his friends again. I don't think doing that would have changed his opinion of me I would have turned into a bet for him. Ugh

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