He's not happy, but has a house and kids. When will he decide to move on?

My friend is going through some tough times right now in his relationship. They've been together for 10+ years, have children, and a house together. He's not happy, but he's not leaving. I can completely understand why leaving would be so difficult for him. He'd be losing his long term relationship, possibly his house, financial stability, the kids, etc... I completely get why he's not leaving. I worry about him though. His kids are young so if he's planning on staying together "just for the kids" he has a lot of years of unhappiness ahead of him. Kids are smarter than most people think, they'll see it and pick up on it too. I see this as a no win for all. Now here's the selfish side of me coming out. I have feelings for him. Very strong feelings. I'm 98% sure he feels something for me as well. Out of respect for him and his situation I'm trying to keep my distance while still being there if he needs support. It's a tough balance, but at the end of the day I want to see him happy even if it's not with me. My question is this. If I'm right and he does have feelings for me (or even another girl for that matter), when will enough be enough for him to decide moving on into a new relationship is best for all? If he's not happy, which I know he isn't, when will he reach the point of realizing he needs to make a change... hell, even if it means just being single for a while. If any of you GUYS are or were in this situation, how long did it take for you to decide it was time to make a move?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I got personal professional counseling because I too was miserable but I was thinking I was being selfish for wanting to be happy. I was told that it isn't selfish that we get into relationships because it makes us happy. I was also told that I was harming everyone but mostly myself for staying. I was in a 15 year marriage with kids. After my psychiatrist told me these things I left with just the clothes I was wearing. I didn't care. I got what I wanted and that was a divorce

    • I'm glad you got out off that's what made you happy. I don't think it's selfish at all. Do you mind if I ask how old your kids were at the time?

    • 18 and 15. The 18 yo wasn't mine

Most Helpful Girl

  • You probably don't want to hear my opinion since I am a lady but I mean if anything I think you reach a point where you just can't be with someone whom is making you unhappy. I mean I understand his situation he will be leaving his kids but also being in an unhealthy relationship is not good. I think eventually he will have to move out. It is a very hard balance maybe you can tell him how you feel and what he says that way you aren't there waiting for him. He might actually just need space from her in order to realize he does want to be there. So be careful

    • True... Parents sacrifice a lot for their kids

    • Thanks, I'm not waiting for him. I'd like a relationship when/if he's ready, but I'm not putting my life on hold waiting. I just worry about his well being and state of mind.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • When it comes to married guys... on my opinion is they are never leaving.. What makes u think he is unhappy... cuz he told u so? A female who has feelings for him? id be careful.

    • He doesn't know I have feelings for him, at least I haven't told him or anyone else. Even if he did know I'm not the type to mess with someone who's in relationship already. I don't care how much I like him. It's not hard to see he's unhappy. His personality had changed and he's broken down a couple of times.

    • Be careful... i still say this is an emotional powder keg that i would steer clear of!

  • Even when you think you know everything to know about his situation and think you know the perfect solution to his problem, you will never know the entirety of his situation. He will move on when he is ready, but marriage is a complicated thing, maybe he will work things out for his kids. I think its great that you are trying to keep your distance, but I suggest you add a few more steps to this distance you have made. He has a hard decision to make and you can still be there once he has made it in the end, but you don't want your feelings and possibly his to cloud your judgement.


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