How do I put my daughter up for adoption?

I'm having an extremely hard time taking care of my year old daughter. My parents are always arguing with me about watching her. I work 12 hour shifts and go to school full time. I work overnights and I don't think I can take care of her anymore. I'm trying to start life and I won't be able to make it like this with no one to watch her. My parents always give me a hard time and say I don't take care of my responsibilities and I'm tired of hearing it. There is only so much I can do and I just give up. It's the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life but I have no choice because of all of this. Even though it's basically my mom complaining about it, she has threatened to go to court for custody over her. I don't want her to have my child, no way. She will alienate her from me and will use her against me. How do I go about putting her up for adoption?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you put your child up for adoption to strangers you will alienate and lose your kid forever. Your parents feeding sheltering you and your kid for all these years was pretty decent of them and now you plan to reward them by shitting on them by making sure they never see their grandchild again. Sounds like your a deeply selfish person. You should move out and let your folks keep the child that way you can work, study and lead the lifestyle you want at least that way your child won't grow up with abandonment issues, won't hate you as much, won't be lost for you forever and you parents won't disown you and will still be there for you if and when you need them. Also abandoning a child makes you undateable lomg term for anything serious.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't get it. Why don't you let your mum take your child? She's her grandmother. She'll take care of her better than the adoption agency will.

    You would rather give your daughter to strangers than to give your baby to her grandmother? at least she'll still be with a family. Your mum will raise her with love and care.

    Yo do understand right, you'll NEVER be able to see see your child again, if you'll give her up for adoption. If she stays with your mum, at least you know she's in safe hands and is happy. You'll get to see her every now and then.

    By the way. Where is the father of the baby? Why doesn't he take care of her? It's his responsibility to take care of her as much as it's yours.

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What Guys Said 19

  • I would say fight for her, ask friends help bayby sitting her. Just ask for help to your friends, most of them are willing to help when asked, just shy to offer it. In one two years you will finish school and will have more time. Most inportant you will have developed charakter. If your shure about putting her for adoption, i tgink it will be better to put her in front of firestation (dont know how it works at USA but that will cut off all ties to you) just give with her birth sertificate or write down her birth date, so kid can have her birthday. Rest of it, well good luck, not the most plesant choise you must make. Any option you choose im with you. Take care.

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    • thats how the kids get abused by strangers
      My friend was babysat by a girl who 'd brought her boyfriend in the house and he molested her as a two year old.

  • If your daughter is adopted you won't see her again. Isn't that worse than your mother getting custody?

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  • Try to get along with your mother for the sake of your daughter, she also just wants to take care of her granddaughter, which way do you prefer it? Your mother raises your child with you *might use your child against you* or you remove your child from your life *The child will grow up knowing she wasn't good enough for mum and decided to throw her away*.
    Your call.

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  • depending on the age of the child and the state you're in, there will be safe haven laws. in my state a fire house, a police station and a few other places you can drop her off no questions asked..

    question though. where is the father in this, why can't he take her, and before you say he doesn't want her, have you asked if he wants her. if you answer no to the last question, if you have not asked him, and given him the right to be a father, you have no right to put the child up for adoption. the child deserves to be with living parents that love her even if it's only the father, not strangers.

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    • loving not living in the last paragraph

    • additionally, I'm sorry for the way your mom will act, in most situations I'd have recommended giving her to your mom, but based on your words I'd feel the same, I personally haven't spoken to my mom in 5 years because of her BS

    • jeez it pissed me off no one asked about the father but me.

  • Well being that I was adopted my self all I can say is if they want to take care of her I say let them, least she will be with family, if you put her up for adoption you'll never see her agin. I don't even know my birth mom, and from a parents point of view the adoptive parents are going to want her to love them not somone who gave her up. Life is tough but that's the choice you made. Right now it's not about u it's about taking care of her and providing for her. As a parent we give up our right to having a scocial life. Once she is 18 then you can resume your scocial life but for now it's about being there for her I think that's what your mom Is trying to convey she just doesn't do it in the right mannor I say keep your daughter and enyjoy making memeries. I can imagin being let go at a year old when she already has a bond and knows you. She won't understand and only look back thinking you don't love her and she's not important too u. I'd think long and hard about this. It's tough to continue but 15 years from now you'll regret it

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  • If you are worried about your mother getting custody of your daughter and alienating you and you don't want that to happen why on Earth would you tried to have your daughter adopted? Maybe you need to take responsibility for your actions and make that little girl your number one priority just like my little boy's my number 1 priority. Sounds like your parents are right

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    • I am taking responsibility for my actions. I work and go to school for my daughters future. If I drop out of school, then we will struggle.

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    • He's right. See it as two choices.

      A) You let your mother take custody and then someone you actually know would take care of her and then you even have a better chance at seeing her.

      or

      B) You let a stranger take custody and you may not see her quite that often.

    • Thats not supposed to be an emoji thats supposed to say

      B )

  • This is fucked up on so many levels. You made the first mistake of conceiving the baby. And now you want to run away and give her up for adoption. That's two mistakes in a roll. What are you thinking?

    The kid needs her mom. Fucking hell. Fuck this world. Hand her over to your mom. If she grows up and go against you, you fucking deserve it, you fucking hear me?

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  • So you would rather have your child go with a stranger than a grandmother who loves her enough to adopt her just so you can have the last word? Wow.

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  • Wouldn't it be better if you are going to give her up, to let your mom have her?

    If you're really serious about adoption, start contacting family law attorneys who specialize in adoption.

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  • but why would you give her away to strangers and not your parents? i understand they are hard on you but you can agree together. avoid ciurts and so and just sit to talk. and you don't have to be the victorious out of the talk, you may sacrifice a bit. i would say reconsider the decision please. try to find another work if available. ease your mind. and if you have bad habbits then please try to give them up.
    love and compassion my lady.

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  • So you would be willing to give up your Daughter to strangers. To spite your parents?

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    • Nooo dont twist her words around. She is willing to give her to strangers who are less likely to "use her against" her

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    • It still reads like she is doing it out of Spite. Cause if she does adopt her child out to strangers. She runs the risk that she might not see her child until they are an adult.

    • Eh I guess I see your point

  • why don't you check with difference, places and see if they can help you take care of her?

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  • Single-moms are fucking pathetic.

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    • but they may have a reason for being single

    • @xandra248 Her mother wants to take care of the child but she wants to put her up for adoption instead, trust me orphanages isn't a great place for a child to grow.

    • ma mom was adopted and in orphanage, i agree no kid shuld be put up for adoption if i had a kid at this ill keep tht child and raise no matter what she shuld put it to grams care so she dont have to put up for adoption

  • wow. i would move out and keep her

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  • ❌❌Wow she is going to hold you to that for the rest of your life and when you finally mature you will regret it. Give her to a family memeber to look after until you learn take responsibility for your actions.

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  • Either way, your daughter will be alienated from you. Giving her up for adoption it's most likely your daughter will hold that against you. If you want to put her up for adoption, you need to speak with child services or SRS, they may actually be able to help you though so you can keep her, such as assistance with daycare, and other financial assistance. Or maybe try speaking with your mother about giving her custody, and if you try helping with support, and visiting as much as possible, putting in all the effort you can, maybe she won't use her against you. Let her know you will try all you can, maybe it could even be that your daughter just lives with your mother, stays with you on days off or weekends. I've seen it, being a single parent isn't easy, but it's part of life, and getting to see your child grow up is one of the best things in the world. My brother lost custody of his 2 daughters 12 years ago, and to this day, even though he is married and has 2 other kids by marriage, every Christmas and their birthdays he cries about it, he hasn't seen them since and he wishes he could have done things different.

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  • Why give it up for adoption when you can sell it to a bunch of cannibals for $100,000?

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  • Most courts would fall in your moms favor cause now days
    the courts don't like placing children outside of the family
    Now i could be wrong but yes your mom is your best choice
    I can't see why you wouldn't want your mom to have her.

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  • Marry a beta male and have him financially support you and the child, then go back to sleeping around with the alpha males while he's at work like every other single mom

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What Girls Said 10

  • Does your school offer child services that you can do? The problem is it's hard to put your child for an adoption agency at this stage. I don't know much on this. The issue is, where is the father? This is something that he is needs to be responsible for as well. I can't make judgement with your parents because they aren't here to defend themselves. I really don't see what is so much of the issue of at least giving your mom custody of her until you can get yourself back together. Putting her up for adoption depending if opened or closed could mean you may never see her again. If your parents aren't abusive then what choice do you have?

    Despite what others on here have said, it was your decision to have premarital sex and have a child out of wedlock. Both which is wrong. I'm happy that your doing your best and that you didn't get an abortion. But if your not thinking about waiting till marriage to have sex again, then your just setting yourself up for more failure and issues. The problem is you have no other choice but get in touch with the father. I don't care what issues you have with him, he needs to step up if he knows. If you pushed him away however, shame on you. You may have no choice but to either cut back hours or find another job that is well within your means. It's going to be hard, but you have to continue fighting if you really want a life with your daughter. Otherwise, expect to lose her if you don't pray to God to help you change your life around.

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  • My birth mother was in a similar situation, however she had me at 16. My grandparents ended up adopting me. So maybe it's best that your parents adopt your child. That way she's still in the family. However, realize there is a difference between someone who gave birth to you and someone that raised you. You would no longer be her mother. Her mother would be your mother. As far as your mother isolating you, speak about that before agreeing to the adoption. Tell her you still want to be active in your child's life. But you can't keep going in and out of the child's like being like I'm your mother.

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  • If I Were You I Wouldn't. I've Seen Someone Close To Me Go Through The Same Thing & Want To Put Her Up For Adoption. She Too Was Going Through A Hard Time, Having Her Baby Daddy Abuse Her & Use Her Daughter As Black Mail Saying He'll Take Her To Court For Custody Of Their Child If She Doesn't Give Him Money Or Do Whatever He Wants Etc. I Told Her That Ik It's Tough But To Think Of What's Best For The Child, Growing Up With Neither A Mother Or Father. She Listened To What I Suggested & When Her Daughter Was Old Enough They Went To Court For A Restraining Order Against Him & Her Daughter Made Her Decision To Stay With Her Mother In front Of Both Her Father & The Judge. She Is Now Glad That She Didn't Put Her Daughter Up For Adoption & Regrets Even Thinking About It. Anyway Enough Of My Story What I'm Trying To Say Is Sometimes You Gotta Put Up With Some Bullshit In Life, You May Not Want To Or Deserve It But It's Compulsory, Everyone Deals With It But Not Everybody Gives Up. Whatever You Decide Is Up To You But The Way I See It If You Want The Rainbow, You Gotta Put Up With The Rain.

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  • I think your parents will take good care of her instead. You don't have time on your side for her... let me guess, she was nt planned , was she?

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    • If you do your research on kids given out to foster care. Not many will end up in a loving environment. Kids are more likely to get abused in all kinds of ways. Do you want her to end up like those kids coming online here complaining about how they were abused and uncare for in GAG? Your parents complain for a reason because they care for your child. Don't make this about you. Just accept her opinion and admit she's right. You don't have the capacity to take better care for her.

  • You need therapy to sort out what's going on and think about what's best for your daughter NOT YOU.

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  • I don't understand why you are saying you are doing this for your daugther, if you put her in a adoption house , you won't see her. At least if you give her to your mom , later you'll be able to ask for the custody again.

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    • If you want me to tell you my story which has a bit of the same taste as yours , i'll be glad to do it in private!

  • an open adoption could be a good idea, with that u can see her grow up

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  • You would seriously give her up for adoption and never see her again just to one up your mother? Woman, grow up and get yourself together. If you can't take care of her now, let your mother take her. At least you will have a small chance of having your daughter back in your life at some point.

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  • Drop her off in front of a fire station. I think that's a no ask policy

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  • Or you can just stop being a student for a few years work 2 jobs pay a babysitter until she grows up a little... there are always ways but you better give her up for adoption and go to school then working 2-3 jobs!! Crazy and yet strange...
    Screw school for a few years many graduate they either find no job or still work low jobs!!
    Chose wisely and smart don't be stupid she is your kid your blood.
    If you are really so stubborn I suggest you leave it to your mom because even if you mom is what you are describing at least she will be safer with your mom ; I'm sure your mom won't hit your kid or anything...

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