girlfriend of 3 years [21f] broke up with me [27M] 2 months ago // She just recently started de-friending mutuals?

I'll start off by saying this is the best relationship i've ever been in and I love this girl with all my being. I'm 100% sure she loved me with all her being too. About 2-3 weeks before our split we had some communication and compromising issues (about her next college choice) and after being together for 3 years ultimately she had been dishonest with me in order to avoid conflict about the issue.

I'll be upfront to be unbiased. I was definitely not happy with her decision to go to a school further away forcing us into an extra 1-2 years of Long distance (we had already been long distance for almost the past year).
Granted, I apologized after I cooled off as I know I wouldn't be happy someone else telling me where I should've attended school at. I got upset because for the past 6 months she had been telling me she wanted to go to some schools closer to me.
I honestly don't care where she goes at the end of the day, but even days before this occurred she was ecstatic about getting into a school nearby. I'm talking tears of joy crying happy.

She broke up with me 3 days AFTER she told me to buy a plane ticket to come see her at the end of July for a week long vacation. (no refund) Everything seemed really sudden.
She isn't a bad/mean person. I honestly think she made this decision in 2 days time. I believe there was outside influence to the decision such as her cousin telling her to just end it.

It took her 3-4 days before she even started removing me from social media, unfriending me, and more. It took her 2-3 weeks to finish unfriending me one by one from all our stuff.. FB, insta, snapchat, our dating text app, blocked my #, etc. I didn't even know she blocked me at all until 3 weeks later when I texted her on my bday.

I had been giving her space hoping she'd reach out to change her mind. She ignored any contact I made and blocked me further. I've since left her be to focus on me and let her sort her thoughts.

I'll add more in the next comment...
Recently I decided I would set my FB profile fully public because I know she had been checking my stuff from some mutual friends telling me about stuff she said.

She had her FB deactivated for almost 5 weeks, deleted her account, and then before it was fully gone she re-activated it // defriended me at that point almost 5-6 weeks after our breakup.
After I made everything public which showed old pictures of us.. no joke within 2-4 hours she removed all mutual friends of ours.
Any thoughts?
From what one of our mutual friends said 3 weeks after the split was she was just as miserable as me if not more so. She had blocked me but was still checking my comments on various programs we use to communicate, such as discord.
She is pretty tech savvy and so am I.
She isn't dating anyone else. I'm OKAY with giving her space. I have been.
2 Weeks after the split I sent a long handwritten letter. No begging or pleading. Just letting her know i'm open to talk.


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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • I'm still confused as to why she broke up with you?

    If she's miserable, then I guess she still loves you but isn't open to friendship or talking to you or anything.

    I say let it go.

    • What she told me on the breakup day was :
      I don't want you to move here because i'm breaking up with you (I had been mentioning maybe moving there for work soon -- mostly to make myself feel better about our situation, it would've taken me 6 months to actually do this). She said I haven't been in love with you for a year and I didn't want to dissapoint you.
      It was very robotic, scripted sounding, and forced. She didn't go into any details and every time she almost did she started sounding very confused/stuttering.
      3 Years of no terrible issues and great times. I've never gotten along with someone so amazing and same for her. I 100% call BS on her being out of love. I think she was just using what she thought I needed to hear.
      I could be wrong but the past year she was 100% in love. Very upset to leave me after our visits and just a month before was telling me what ring she wanted, a week before planning our trip to disneyland.
      Any idea what's going on?

    • Show All
    • Maybe she couldn't do long distance

    • I'm sure long distance is a factor, however I don't think it was the (sole or primary) cause for the breakup.
      Yeah she said she fell out of love but I know how people who aren't interested sort of fall off you know? Less texting, weird exchanges, any signs. There weren't any until a week before when we had a discussion about the college stuff, some issues, and we decided to discuss them after her finals were over.
      We never got the chance as she broke up with me on the last day of her finals.
      It doesn't help that her best friend is also going through a hard breakup with with an abusive boyfriend.

      I was mostly curious as to thoughts on why she was JUST now removing mutuals. Why she does it after me setting all of my profile to public (she could still see most of it before).
      She still hangs out in our discord server (its like Skype but easier for communities to use).

      I will be in her area in November. i plan to reach out to her a few days before my trip to meet up.

What Guys Said 1

  • Just move on, obviously no more interest in you if she drops you in a matter of days.

    • I have no issues with giving her space and plan to keep doing so but just moving on is a bit too robotic for the way I feel about someone I actually deeply care about.

      I agree though the situation is pretty brutal/grim. I think some of the issues had been weighing down on her possibly 1-2 months beforehand but I really don't know.

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