EX'S. why does my boyfriend still talk to his?

So my boyfriend that I have been dating for 2 months still keeps in contact with his ex girlfriend. They have mutual friends so I realize that they will definitely cross paths with one another, but why does he invite her to his birthday and continue to text her? I do not understand for the life of me. They stopped dating half a year ago and came out of 3 year on and off relationship...on and off because he cheated on her or something a couple times they fought I don't really know the whole story. ONE story I know for sure is that he cheated on her with her best friend. Now my question is. Why doesn't she talk to her best friend any more but still talks to him!?!?!?!?!?

IT MAKES ME SO MAD AN CONFUSED. she must still love him or something, no? He has hurt her so badly but she continues to keep in contact, and he knows it bugs me so why does he text her especially when I'm sitting beside him. Does he just not care about me? or is nothing going on so he thinks its okay to talk to her.

Help me. What do I do? I know I don't have the right to tell him to stop talking to her but it makes me angry and hurt. I have told him how I feel and that it may be jealousy but every time I look over and he's talking to her I get in the worst mood and I'm tired of feeling this way.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You maybe can't tell him not to talk to her but you can still tell him how you feel about it, and he should respect that. It's normal to feel that way, he WAS in a relationship with her and he IS in a relationship with you.

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What Guys Said 14

  • Not everyone has a secret agenda... If he can't avoid crossing paths with her, it's easier to just be nice than to be a jerk and remain a jerk every time you see them. However, If they have been on and off they could still be interested in each other, there is nothing you can really do, but keep an eye on him... If he has cheated before it's likely he would do it again. Leopards don't change spots. You can't blame her entirely either, both parties have to be interested to keep contact and she does not control the feelings of a guy. If he likes her then that is his own problem you can't blame her for his feelings. I'm not saying that is the case, but if it was the case there is no point defending one party.

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    • Is it normal to ask to see his conversation with her? he says its okay with him, he wouldn't mind. I don't want to be that type of girlfriend but I am curious as to what their relationship is still like.

    • I don't know how normal it is to ask. But it's definitely a normal thought, everyone wants to check up on something if their partner seems interested in it. If he is OK with it, he could be genuine, but remember it's easy to delete the bad looking text messages, and he could be bluffing.

  • Seems pretty suspicious if he was heartless enough to cheat multiple times and if she still likes him... It's weird all around. He has the desire to cheat and he acted on it. That means, regardless of what others might say, that he won't mind doing it to you one day too.

    And seriously, guys fantasize about having sex with just about every attractive woman. This is a girl he's already had and was attracted to. Guaranty that sometimes the thought crosses his mind of doing her. That is if he hasn't already. The guys a douche any way you cut it.

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  • well, my girlfriend gave me sh1t about talking to one of my ex's for a very long time , I ended it with ex and told her I can't have contact with her again and I still don't . the funny thing is that I also broke up with the current girl for about a month now ... So now I give her the same treatment she wanted me to give someone ells and now she is upset that I don't talk to her from what I hear. People can still be friends after they broke up , as long as they don't see each other all the time or contact each other all the time ,YOu need to ask your man to set certain boundaries with his ex , once a month maybe, You on the other hand are currently crossing your Boyfriend boundaries with your insecurities, rage and jealousy so be carefull not to come across to strong about it ... I think its harmless comunication due to the void of that woman you can't fill. whatever you do and this is NB... don't play tit for tat...

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  • Yes he does, or he wants you to be more like her. I went through the same thing, I would drive around with girls I was dating talking to them about the past with that other person, in fact I even used one girls phone to try to call my ex to argue with her, needless to say I broke a few hearts doing that and never got the ex back, I still to this day miss her and she is married to someone else. Sounds like he has the same problem, if you really want his attention try to find out what it was that he liked about her and do those things, if that makes you uncomfortable then run run run get out while you can.

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  • its never OK to talk to your ex while in another relationship. Its never a good sign. I say break up with him. You deserve him exclusively and he won't give that to you

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    • Why isn't it a good sign? my boyfriend still talks to he's ex but there Just friends

  • You should tell him to stop or else...if he still doesn't stop talking to the ex then he has remnant feelings for her...it really doesn't matter what she thinks actually, doesn't matter if she has feelings for him...only your bf's feelings count from your perspective...

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  • That's kinda f'd up sense he cheated on her many times. Once a cheat, always a cheat. I don't think that I could handle it. And as far as asking him to stop goes, I don't think that you should have to. if he's happy and with you then I see no reason for him talking to her constantly. Especially in front of you.

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  • Maybe he still likes her

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  • RED FLAG!

    His Relationship is not done

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  • ...She Still Have Feelings For Him...Maybe Nothing Is Going On...And Maybe Your Boyfriend Still Have Feelings For Her...Tell Him That It Hurts You And The You Don't Want Him To Talk With Her...N You'll What's Going On From His Answer :)

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  • Tbh I think that it's obvious he can control girls. He can cheat on her and still get her to talk to him while not her best friend. The question is if he cheated on you with her, would you take him back?

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  • cause he still loves her and would love to bang her

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  • Hes not over her and he is still hooking up with her or maybe will get back with her by making her jealous

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    • Yeah he is def still hooking up with her, you just make him more fun to the other girl.

  • Woah woah woah, they broke up because he cheated on her multiple times? I don't care if they're best friends now or not, what does that tell YOU about the kind of guy he is? If I were you I'd be worried about him repeating past behaviors.

    As for why he texts her in front of you, it's to MAKE you jealous. He likes doing that to you. Why? Who knows, maybe he gets some sort of a kick out of it.

    This guy doesn't sound like a great catch if you ask me.

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    • I don't think that once a cheater always a cheater, maybe he wasn't happy in the relationship with her. he's a great guy. I just don't understand why SHE still talks to HIM?

    • Show All
    • Don't be fooled, he may seem nice but if he treats you like this, he is absolutely not a "great guy".

    • If he wasn't happy in that relationship?! Is he happy in this one? he keeps talking to his ex.

What Girls Said 20

  • The real question is: why do you want to be with a guy who cheated on his ex with her best friend?

    If he did it to her, he could do it to you. If he's changed, then why is he still talking to his ex when he's dating you?

    I think it makes sense for you to be jealous, but the real answer isn't to rationalize his behavior or try to control him, but to get with a guy who respects women instead of cheating on them or doing things that make them jealous. Instead, find a guy who is honest with you and makes you feel secure.

    It doesn't sound like he's that guy.

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  • I can tell you this... My ex got out of Jail July 3rd and we were hanging out around my boyfriend at the time that I had a baby with and me and him dated two years ago.. well every time my Boyfriend Josh left the room my ex was grabbing me, tickling me, and he too kept texting me.. he would be like "I just miss you and me.. don't you?" and trying to rekindle something.. I got sick of it told him to not come over anymore.. ex's are bad news. He has already been with her why not again behind your back.. tell him its you or her! don't let him walk all over you girl!

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  • He's using you to make her jealous, and her to make you jealous. He's an attention seeking whore. and quite possibly a whore in just a whorey way too. Don't let him walk all over you. The difference between him, and some other (good) guy talking to their ex... some one else might actually be friends with their ex, and its harmless... with him? he's completely untrustable, he's not faithful, and he obviously doesn't even care about hiding the things that hurt and bother you.

    No guy is that oblivious. He knows exactly what he's doing. Give yourself time, give him space, get over it first (thats key. you need to be mentally strong.. when breaking up with someone, and meaning it. that's why so many go back) Anyways, distance yourself, get over it, be strong, and kick his cheating, lying ass to the curb.

    and if you want to be seriously sneaky. talk to his ex and find out the whole story. if he freaks out about it... you know he's hiding something.

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  • OK first things first, your boyfriend cheated on her. Have you ever asked him about this? Apparently he's the kind of person who would cheat, so he may do it again. It may be with his ex, it may be with another girl, either way, you can't trust him. Of course people deserve to be given second chances in life but it doesn't seem like he's sensitive at all to the fact that, considering his past, he has to do extra work to earn your trust, in fact he's blatantly violating it. He doesn't sound like a good person. I'd definitely consider letting him go.

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  • You don't have the right to tell him to stop talking to her? what are you talking about! of course you do! He's YOUR boyfriend. I think you should put an end to this, because not only does that show that he's taking you for granted, but that also shows that you're too weak to let him know where the boundaries are. You should act fast, because the most time he spends talking to here, the more time he's away from you. And, well, we all know where that's going to lead : break-up.

    So watch out, and do something fast. Tell him it's either you or her, because you will not accept to be an option for him. If he REALLY likes/loves you, and really doesn't care about her, then he'll definitely stop talking to her. If not so, whatever, move on, you deserve MUCH better !

    P.S.: He means A LOT to her if she picked him over her best friend. so be careful, things can change overnight !

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  • It sounds like there is still a link between them, even if it isn't physical. He spent 3 years on and off with her so she probably knows him pretty well. I have an ex-boyfriend who would call me up whenever there was an issue between him and his current girlfriend because I had spent a lot of time in a relationship with him and knew him better than she did. He would tell me about the problem and ask for honest advice about what to do/ what not to do. I think it is like a comfort zone where he can say whatever he wants about how he feels and not have to worry that it is offensive. It's how sometimes being the female friend of a guy is better than being their girlfriend because they are more open to the friend because they feel it's "okay".

    She may still love him. That is a possibility that even though he put her through some hell in cheating on her doesn't mean that she doesn't still love him. I can't answer for her, but in my situation it was that in all honesty the ex-boyfriend and I were always better as just friends than a couple. I treated him like a friend. I don't know what this girl's motive may be.

    I think he does care about you, or he wouldn't be with you. It's hard to not feel bad when you see him talking to her because in the back of your mind there is that history between them nagging at you. I would just come out and ask him if there is something going on and no matter what he answers ... if you want to continue building a relationship with him you have to let it go about her. The relationship is between you and him ... it has nothing to do with her anymore.

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  • if he has cheated before what makes you think he won't do it again? if he wasn't "happy in the relationship" he should end it. Not sleep with other girls. I know its hard but don't make excuses for this behavior. It obviously raised flags or you wouldn't have questioned it on here, so you should listen to and trust your instinct.

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  • I do not believe once a cheater always a cheater because I've had experience with that statement and I can honestly say it isn't true for everyone. But however, your boyfriend shouldn't be texting or calling her. He can't stop her from doing so to him, but he can certainly not entertain it. If he was unhappy with his relationship with her, wouldn't he have left her instead of cheating on her multiple times? You need to tell him how you feel and tell him you think he needs to stop. After all, would he be OK with you texting and calling any of your exes? But as far as him cheating on her with her best friend-or cheating at all-should tell you something. Talk to him about it, stand your ground. Don't let him walk all over you like he did her.

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  • He obviously does not know what he wants. Right now he has you but he is still stringing his ex-girlfriend along it seems like. He probably plays on her feelings for him. She could be insecure but you should not be worried about her but worry about yourself. Tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable and you do not like it and make sure he heard you. If this were to happen to me, I'd totally ignore him and see what he does. Then you will really know where his heart lies.

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  • when I was with my boyfriend the first 2 months he continued to chat ta es ex ,im with him now afta 3 years but I told him if he ever so much as breathes her name were over and now he blanks her anytime he sees her. an ex is an ex there's to much sexual tension for exs to be friends.i really hate how much he's hurt me by chating ti her in the first place. one thing to try is change her number for your number in his phone and text him asking to meet up,he might jus look at the name and not the number...and you can catch him out

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  • First off the question is why is your boyfriend texting or calling her back? Don't worry about her worry about him. You are not dating this girl. Its pretty obvious that he still have feelings for this girl.

    I wouldn't be shocked if he goes back to her.

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  • Well lets think about this. You are mad because he is texting his ex whom he cheated on. I think you are confused and mad because in the back of your mind you know this guy has cheated before and now he is talking to his ex who he cheated on. How do you know this guy won't cheat on you? Girl lose him you can do better.

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  • Either check him, or ditch him. You shouldn't have to put up with that. But there are always exceptions. Maybe he can introduce you guys and maybe you can all be friends. That would take a lot of trust and security in your relationship. It has worked for me in the past though. You never know, maybe she can be one of your best girl friends.

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  • i think that he's still into her and just trying to make her jealous because this same thing happened to me before! it does get REALLY annoying but I asked him why he still texts and talks to 24/7 and he told me that it was no big deal but I could see that he was still into her A LOT so eventually I just broke up with him and told him to get back together with her

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  • Why are you even with this guy? What makes you think that he's not gunna cheat on you with HER next? Once a cheater always a cheater, move on.

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    • Im with this comment. Only if girls could hear the sh*t guys like him say when their with friends.

  • My ex cheated on me and I have absolutely no contact with him and I don't want too. I don't know why she would want too

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  • i think you hould leave if he was serious about he wouldn't do that. have a back bone and get a better man

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  • He still loves her, and can't have her so he uses you to feel that empty space. I am sorry but don't be second to no girl. Dump his ass and you'll be the one that got away

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  • she probably doesn't talk to her friend and only to her ex because she didn't fall in love with her bestfriend. and if a best friend can do that then they aren't your best friend. but if the person you love can do that, then its hard to forgive them but they are still the person you love no matter what.

    but I understand how you feel. my boyfriend texts his ex's and meets up with them too! it drives me f***ing crazy!

    and I feel the exact same. no matter how many times i;ve told him he doesn't listen. and now she's coming to the same uni as us. why would she do that?!

    they shouldn't be texting their ex's or seeing them for that matter. there's a line that gets crosssed when guys wiht girlfriends text their ex's and its out of order.

    and to be honest, if he's cheated on his ex liek that, then who;s to say he won't cheat on you? and whos to say he won't cheat on you with his ex. maybe that's why he's texting her?

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  • DONT GET STARTED ON SOMEONE LIKE THIS! He obviously has bagage that hasn't been figured out yet. Either don't let it bother you or leave him and find someone that will focus on you. It will only hurt more down the line!

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