Why is she like this? Advise please.

Well I wrote out a lot of stuff, and went to post the question yet GaG decided to not post it and delete everything.

Well about 2 months ago I met this chick... We started talking and decided to take things super super slow just to see if there is any interest. Was going great, we had the same morals, same interests, and talked all the time. Really like her a lot as she did me.

About a little more than a week ago, for some reason she thought I had feelings for my ex(Which couldn't be further from the truth) and just completely blew up. After talking about it for a few days, and meeting up in person to talk, I thought everything was OK and has been fixed...

But after that all was fixed, she became so incredibly withdrawn and guarded, and refused to talk about serious matters. Like when I brought something serious up, she would say something like "OK, I'm gonna go now. TTYL" and sign off IM, and I have no way of contacting her since she doesn't have a phone.

Sometimes she would kinda start trying to explain something, and just stop and leave. She claims she still likes me a lot, and still has interest in me and would still like to see where this ends up going, but she has become so withdrawn and guarded, it's almost like she's not even the same person any more. Like we had a date set up for this WED.. it's supposed to rain all week so it got called off, I asked if it was cool if we did something indoors so we could still see each other, and she just seemed to have no interest to see me.

I think right now we are kinda misunderstanding each other... And I'm making every effort to get that fixed, yet she doesn't seem to want to meet me half way, she just runs off. I have no problem doing most the work, yet she would still have to meet me at some point and put in a little effort, yet she just runs when it comes up.

I kinda think she is developing feelings faster than she wants to, and kinda wants to slow that down (Which I can totally understand and can respect if she were to say that and let me know what's up), but if that's the case I think she's doing it completely the wrong way and is doing more harm than good.

She just really confuses me... I have been completely 100% open and honest with her from the start, and she started out that way as well and I really liked that about her (openness and honesty are HUGE to me) yet as of lately she has just been so closed that it's not funny.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • That's tough, Josh. It seems like you're doing everything right and "the ball is in her court" now, so to speak. Your choices are probably just 1) Continue to try to ask her what's up; or 2) Wait it out and hopefully she'll figure out whatever's going on her in head and come to her senses.

    It's next to impossible for us to know why she's acting this way. It could be, like you said, that she feels like she's developing feelings faster than she wants to (perhaps she feels this way because she didn't expect to get so bent out of shape over thinking you might have feelings about your ex?). But other than that, there's nothing here that we can use to make an educated guess, unless perhaps her feelings about you have changed (i.e. she's not feeling it anymore).

    If you choose to continue pressing about why she's acting this way, I'd probably just say something like, "Hey, I've noticed you've been acting kind of withdrawn lately. I know you've said everything is fine, but I can really sense a change and I want you to know that if anything is bothering you, you can talk to me about it. If your worried about anything or if your feelings about me have changed, I'd like you to tell me."

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    • I asked, and she said her feelings haven't changed, she said she still likes me a lot (And she's not the kind of person that would lie)... And what you suggest me to say, is pretty much exactly what I've said 20 times, she just refuses to open up... Think I'm gonna go with option 2, option 1 has failed miserably so far, she just dances around the question like a freakin politician.

      (l) stars.. You're the best :P

    • I agree. If you've already asked, then there's no sense in really pushing it (some people aren't satisfied with just waiting it out, but sometimes that's all you really can do).

      <3 :D

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What Girls Said 1

  • If you're chasing her and she keeps running, stop chasing. Then maybe she'll stop and turn back a few steps in your direction. :)

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    • I haven't been chaseing up to this point... Until this happened, she was without a doubt the coolest chick I've ever met... She didn't play games or nothing and always spoke what was on her mind...I think I'll try that though..

      She IM's me every day, next time I'm just gonna say "ok ttyl" and not respond, why should I respond to her when she refuses to talk with me?

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