What to do now?

I've been in an abusive relationship for 2 years. I just recently realized that I can't take it anymore and even if it was so hard for me (I really love him) I left him.

I didn't talk to him or anything and just completely ignored him. He kept texting me and calling me but I didn't answer. I ended up blocking him on viber and on my phone but I just unfriended him on facebook. He sent me a friend request recently and kept commenting on my profile pic. He even texted my mom. He said he wanted to talk to me.

The thing is... I still think about him sometimes. I'm thinking about maybe I should meet him and tell him that I'm breaking up with him. My friends and family tells me not to, because he might do something to me...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your safety needs to be your number one concern. That doesn't even need to be your physical safety. Being in an abusive relationship is like a drug. Your brain is used to chemical responses, triggers, impulses, and defenses. When talking to your abuser you will be prone to fall into those patterns again and it takes a long time to detox from that sort of trauma.
    The extent to which he is going to contact you needs to stop and I would encourage you to have your mom tell him not to contact her again and that attempts to reach you would be construed as threats moving forward and reported to the authorities.
    You yourself should immediately get into counciling or therapy. There is absolutely no chance you do not have emotional or mental damage from the relationship and you need a non-romantic, unaffiliated third party who can give you the tools to start processing through everything. Because the truth is it did take a lot to get out, but if you don't deal with the repercussions of this relationship you will more than likely just find another abuser. You need to take care of you so that later, in a few years, you can be confident in yourself and your ability to hold a healthy and worthwhile relationship.

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    • wow. that response was long and meaningful. thank you for your time to write that. I don't know how I feel about councelling or therapy... but I'll keep that in mind.

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    • Search for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in your area and some results will come up. Depending on income/insurance it can be fairly cheap but it can also be pretty spendy. The other option is to go to a University and find their student psychiatry programs which are pretty inexpensive.
      I know it can be a lot so try not to close off options. A lot of counsilors too will waive fees or give you lower rates if you can't afford them.

    • Thank you very much. I'll look into it.

Most Helpful Girl

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What Guys Said 5

  • I admire the strength you showed by getting yourself out of that abusive relationship. That took a lot of courage. I don't think you should even think about meeting or talking to him right now while you're reorienting your life and maybe healing from what he did to you. And if you were ever to meet him again I wouldn't ever do that alone and only in a very public place. And depending on how bad he is and what he's capable of, you might want to get a protective order.

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    • Thank you for those kind words. :) Yeah you're right.. it's just that he messed me up so much that there are times that I still feel guilty for leaving him so I think about seeing him.

  • you should at leas call or text to let him know to leave you alone but don't meet him in person if he is abusive, that could end bad.

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    • You're right. I will send him a message, just... not now. I don't think I can. :(

  • send him a single message saying its over and that you deserve better. then block him on everything.

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    • okay... but I still have his shirt that I borrowed sometime during our relationship. what should I do with it? He also has something of mine but he hasn't returned it yet...

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    • no problem, you deserve a person who treats you right.

    • thank you. that means a lot. :)

  • In life there is no rear view mirror. So you know what to do

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  • The lure of Chad's cock is strong

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