Help! My girlfriend of two years is has put on weight and more attractive women started hitting on me with age? How do I leave without hurting her?

I'm 29 years old, an engineer, 6 feet tall, white and making $150,000 yearly. I got into a relationship with my girlfriend at 27 and she was great looking. She has now put on about 50 lbs and I simply don't find her attractive anymore. The thought of having sex with her is repulsive to me.

To make matters worse, I used to have a lot of problems picking up women but now it's like shooting fish in a barrel. Most women approach me and in all honesty... it's kind of played into my psyche a bit in that with all these options my standards of beauty have gone up a lot.

I know I am going to get criticized but when 24 year old girls approach you... you start to quickly lose attraction for a girl who is 29 and looking curvy.

I don't want to hurt her feelings but I can't stay in a relationship with a girl I can't have sex with. Sorry. How do I let her go?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Just get it over with instead of leading her on longer. You two probably aren't very happy anyway and just together because you've been together.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I can't see her not feeling hurt if you've been in a relationship that long, unless you've been having problems in the relationship already and a foreseeable breakup was inevitable. Couple options:

    Option 1: Encourage her to exercise and eat healthier. Better yet, exercise and eat healthier options with her. Consider that even though you can "trade up" in terms of looks, doesn't necessarily mean you should. You didn't list out any other qualities or shortcomings about her, so the only factor to go off of is that she's overweight. If you have made up your mind about breaking up with her,

    Option 2: Be very straight with her and break up respectfully, in person. It's going to suck, but it's the least you can do for someone you've been in a relationship with for that long.

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    • Great answer. Very analytical and all =P

      I agree 100% but the thing is that I don't see myself getting into long term relationships or marrying in the future. Honestly trading up is something that I foresee myself doing well into the future. What I am trying to say is that I am fairly certain it's break up time. Option 2 it is.

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    • @_retro_ If I'm still on this app, will do!

    • Please let me know 😭😭😭😤

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 17

  • If that's how you feel best to cut ties! You don't have to go into graphic detail but let her know you feel it best to part ways

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    • Hahah graphic detail =P I like that!

    • No I wouldn't do that

    • I know it's hard but sounds like you're ready to move on

  • first off, You are an asshole.

    a GOOD BOYFRIEND would be honest and express his concerns about her weight gain, and would hep her get into shape to improve both parts of the relationship instead of just leaving.
    All you can do now is be honest with her as to why you are leaving since you are incapable of loving someone who gained a little weight, and are too lazy and too ignorant to help them improve their life by making small changes.

    Another suggestion would be just to live the single life instead of committing and failing at doing so.

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    • No I'm not actually. I'm not a babysitter. If I am expected to keep and maintain a healthy appearance, then so is she. Period.

      Your definition of a good boyfriend seems to be a guy who is going to take care of you for life while you sit around and become a lazy fat ass. That's not my definition. My definition of a good boyfriend is a guy who puts in as much as he receives.

      Grow up princess.

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    • It's funny because I bet you're one of the girls that complains guys "below her" are trying to get in a relationship with her. But a girl "below a guy" is miraculously allowed (and expected) to receive praise from said guy regardless.

      Double standards, right? (Not - I don't women "below" me).

    • Sure. Just make sure to be kind when you break it off. She gave you 4 years and she can't take them back. I really hope you find the one in the future.

  • Not only is she fat, she is also too old for you. Two options come to mind on how to leave and not hurt feelings. Shoot her. Or poison

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  • If you dont love her, which sounds to me you really dont, then you should just break up, dont waste either of your time. To make the comment that she won't find someone because of her current weight, there's lots of sexy wealthy men that appreciate a curvy woman. You probably shouldn't tell her its because she put on weight because truth is you dont love her and you wanna explore other options out there since you make good money and "good looking". Just go do your thing but remember your money will eventually run out and you will begin to age.

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    • I don't. I love someone I can have sex with. I can't have sex with her anymore

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    • So there you have it, you just haven't found the one yet. But dont mix the meanings of sex and love. There is a difference. In the meantime, break up with your girlfriend and just explore the world. You're still young and just starting your career so focus on enjoying life. I just suggest dont allow your money and looks to guide you through life. You are going to age and seriously money doesn't buy happiness at all. May seem that way for a minute but trust me that money will not mean anything when you think you found that sexy smart girl and she takes your money and run for that young, rich, sexy guy. You are just at a phase in your life that you want to keep your options open, which is completely ok, better now then when your older. Go live your life and let your girlfriend find her way. Truthfully, she will drop the weight on her own and hopefully she meets someone who appreciates her for herself. Dont waste time on something that really isn't there.

    • Fair enough - thanks for the thought out feedback!

  • If you're not attracted to her and have approached it with her to no resolution then the relationship is dead. Life is too short to be with people who don't make us happy.

    I'd keep in mind though, that while you're in your prime that too will diminish and one day you may find yourself in the same position that she is. Selecting partners carefully, ones we can see ourselves with despite hard times are the ones worth sticking around for

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    • Would you stick around with a guy who you didn't find sexually attractive?

    • I'd work pretty hard to get it back, suggest working out together and I do all the cooking so I'd cut everything back etc but if they stonewalled me and refuse to try then yeah, I'd end it

    • Well there ya go :)

  • Talk to her, be nonest with her, you can't stay in a relationship if you're unhappy.
    Have you told her about her weight before? Like encouraging her to work out, I don't know

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    • Yes I have told her but she believes that I should "love" her for her and not for her physical appearance. I have told her multiple times that guys bond through sex and not anything else soo...

    • @asker "guys bond through sex and not anything else"

      Top kek. Seems a little shallow buddy.

      I don't disagree with your opinion about overweight being unattractive, but to say that guys only bond through sex is pretty silly too.

  • Although the aesthetic factor is a REAL and VALID point, shouldn't u get down to the REAL truth of the matter and tell her that you want to see other people and expierience things that u didn't before u met. Useing the excuse that she has gained too much weight is only a point it is NOT a VALID reason to end a two year relationship. That is how u behave as an adult.

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    • I disagree. Sex is an integral part of my relationships and if I can't get aroused by my girlfriend then I am missing out on an integral part of my relationship. Sort of how emotional closeness might be an integral part of a relationship for a girl.

  • Women's bodies are going to change as they get older. So are men's. And a woman wants to know that the man beside her is going to love her and stay with her through those changes.
    If you want to leave her over something so shallow, then that's your prerogative. Sounds like she deserves someone better.

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    • I guess she does lol

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    • @Taciturn It makes me happy to see young guys post legit, honest and up front comments. There should absolutely be pressure to be within a healthy weight and under no circumstances should any young man feel pressured into dating an unhealthy woman.

    • Thoroughly agree.

  • Tell her you are not into the relationship anymore. You have all the right to break up with someone you no longer love/ feel attached to. You are young, go on and date other people, when you find the ONE you won't have doubts even if she gains 50 pounds. I have two brothers they got married at 28 and they are so unhappy. A guy shouldn't get stuck with one girl until his mid 30s. Go on and meet sexier chicks you deserve it. You are successful and girls like that

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  • Just let her go obviously you don't love her if it's all about vanity and status, but I assure you she'd care for you no matter what. Example a coworker her father left to be with a younger more attractive whore he was dx with cancer his girlfriend took everything and left, but his Ex wife nursed him til he died.

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    • That's a sad story and I'm sorry to hear that. I agree that there are definitely shitty women out there that would gladly pull stuff like this. I'll very sternly say though that I screen women very well. I have never paid for a girl's drink or dinner in my lifetime not because I'm cheap but as a test. Girls who took offense were clearly materialistic and of no interest to me. That's one example. That doesn't make me immune though, I'm well aware

      I should say that that I am at a point in my life where I simply don't care about long term relationships anymore. So that sort of protects me from what you're describing

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    • Well yea I'm unhappy lol. I can't have sex with my girlfriend anymore and I can't just go out and cheat. Yea she might be big now but I do still feel bad for her lol

    • You can't have a relationship built on empathy and sex is very important it's considered a vital sign in the medical field. Just end it. You sound very thoughtful and kind. I apologize for misjudging you.

  • You are going to be looking like grandfather time to a woman at 24 in just a few short years. You could try doing a workout routine with your partner. You could say that you want to diet and that you need support.

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    • I mean that's true but the thing is... and don't judge me... a lot of girls around here have daddy issues. One of my exes - a registered nurse - left me for a 38 year old deadbeat which kind of gives me hope that I can live my lifestyle for years to come

    • *She had daddy issues and was typically attracted to men around 40

  • Just tell her you don't feel the same way anymore and let it be. Don't tell her the real reason!!! There's no reason to hurt her even more

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  • There is no way of dumping her and not hurting her feelings so just man the fuck up and do it coz she deserves better.

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  • First off, why would you leave? over something so simple that can be worked on it you were willing too. If not, then be honest and tell her lack to take care of herself and comfort in the relationship is effecting you in a negative way. You don't feel the same anymore?

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  • Let her down easy, thank her for everything and tell her she's great, then be honest without being hurtfull ir rude. Just do It soon, otherwise it's unfair to her.

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  • Well just leave then. If that was me I'd rather have you tell me a white lie than be blunt about your reasons. Just say something along the lines of 'it's not working out for me anymore' and don't make her feel like it's her fault, because telling her that you're only leaving because of appearance is gonna make her feel like crap.

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    • The thing is that I do want to tell her the honest truth so that she can get in shape for the next guy soo... you know self-improvement and all

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    • Also I feel kind of bad knowing that she's probably going to have difficulties finding a relationship at her age and weight

    • Different strokes for different folks. I'm the same height and 120lbs and a lot of guys think I'm too skinny. If she wants to change that should come from her own will and not from your own personal opinion honestly. Just tell her something nice.

  • Do you like nappy headed girls with bug butts?

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    • Big butts I mean

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    • On surface my parents look like good people but...

      ...

      Never mind...

    • How they treat each other...

What Guys Said 3

  • Never feel ashamed or guilty for going after what you want, or avoiding what you don't. There is this thing about women that draws them to support other women in situations like this and shame and guilt-trip men into "fat acceptance". Don't fall for it. We all have a moral obligation to be the best partner we can be. This includes attitude, personality and looks. You have every right to want to be happy and go after what makes you happy. If she doesn't want to make an effort to look good, that actually makes her the shallow and selfish person. She is automatically assuming that no matter what you have to love her. This is bullshit and falls into that female entitlement attitude that men must love and provide for them no matter what!

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    • I don't believe in fat acceptance whatsoever. I think it's a disgusting unhealthy trend!

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    • Oh yea that's true too! To your point - I am a very firm believer in a relationship being 50/50. If a girl is allowed (and supported) to dump a guy because he has put on weight, I don't see why myself (a person who has worked hard all their life) doesn't deserve the same right. I don't get how some people don't comprehend this...

    • Women are quick to support a fellow "sister" who has become fat because this can happen to pretty much any woman at any time and they know this. So if they guilt trip and shame men into the mindset that every guy has to accept a woman no matter how much weight she has gained, then all women don't have to worry about getting fat later on! Now, some guys are also riding this train because they are white knights and will side with anything a woman says in order to get on her good side because all he is thinking about is her as a possible sex partner. Or it's a guy supporting his SO because she is fat and he has been brainwashed into that mindset and also supports fat acceptance or his SO will never have sex with him again!

  • sooner or later you will have to say what's wrong so you should better try to get it fixed now since you already have 2 years on the road together, just get in an honest and upfront discussion, yes it's going to hurt both of you

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  • If looks are that important, then you need to level with her. But there is no easy way to tell her you think she is too large and that sex with her repulses you. Gonna have to bite the bullet on that one

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    • Yea they're important... why else would I be with her lol. I am starting to realize that I am going to have to bite the bullet though... yes

    • Well, many other reasons to be with a woman other than looks.

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