My ex is being pulled in different directions by me and her ex?

This is a tricky story, so please stay with me...

My ex and I met 8 years ago, but have only been going out with each other for 5 months. It ended because of her feelings for her ex and I am in a really horrible situation.

Me and my ex have always, since 8 years ago had strong feelings for each other and have NEVER been out of contact in that time. But during that time, due to circumstances, we never got the chance to begin a relationship with each other, but instead, started our own relation ships with our ex's. Mine lasted 3 years, her's 5 years. In all of this time, we was always in contact, sometimes for weeks, and then nothing for months etc. We always flirted over text and we both still wanted each other, despite us both being in our own relationships. Anyway, the point came where I split up with my first ex and in time this more or less pushed my ex to split with her first ex and what happened? We RUSHED into a full blown relationship and at 25 years (her) and 26 years (me) we cannot believe we was both so naive and foolish to think it would work that way.

Alas, it did not work, it went well for the first 3 months and then the feelings of her ex, caught up with her and she needed to go away to get over these feelings and get over her relationship, as a 5 year relationship is a long one. I tried to give her this space, but we ended up trying again and it failed...again for the same reason. BUT, this time I learned that her ex has been back in touch and wants to give things a go again and this absolutely crucified me as I have fallen for her so badly. It messed her emotions up, rocked the boat and took her back to square one, as I really do believe we was making lea way!

Things have turned a bit sour as I have started accusing her of messing with my head, and in a way she has, because she should never have agreed to keep trying to give things another go and leading me down the garden path because now she is hurting me by being in contact with her ex and giving him the consideration of giving things another go.

She told me, originally, that she is being pulled in two different directions and the only way of sorting it out is by us both giving her total space and having no contact with her. But, he is commenting on her Facebook wall etc while I am giving her the respect she wants by having no contact at all. I feel like I am a puppet and I am being dangled. I want these feelings to go away but because my feelings are so intense, they just won't go away and I just don't know how to deal with it all. I am sick of being put on the shelf till she decides what she wants and I just need advice, really.

I do believe she is torn and has feelings for us both, but her handling of things is just not good at all.

If you need anymore info, please ask and I will tell you. Thanks!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Man I don't even need to read all this...

    Move on...period. If I got to f***ing "pull" PULL you away from someone who you broke up with for because you had feelings for him, so be it. I'm not going to waste my time hopefully wanting to be with you when you need space to think about who you want to be with. You either want me or you don't. Not "kinda" or "I don't know" or "let me think". Its me or or I'm moving on!

    Here's the deal pal. You say you want the feelings to go away, but that's not true. If you REALLY did, you wouldn't BE where you are. You'd be getting annoyed by her texting you all the time because you've moved on.

    The reason why you feel like a puppet is because your not in control of your emotions. Your crawling after a girl who is also thinking of being with some other man.

    Here's what you need to do. Stop being nice, sit her ass down, and have a firm talk. Fuck that "give her space" thing. You need to give her a chose. Ask her either "ME or HIM" and state that you want an answer now because your tired of your "thinking" about another guy when you can be with me. Also state that if you don't want me, then I am completely prepared to find a new love.

    She's taking her time, not to consider your feelings, but is sucking in the fact that 2 guys are chasing her. You 2 have 8 years, you think if she considered being with you, shed actually BE with you.

    To sum it up: Sit her ass down and say its either ME or HIM, and state that you are ready to move on because you have enough respect for yourself to be happy.

    Take action and stop waiting for something to fall in your lap...

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What Girls Said 1

  • Hmm...from what you told me it sounds like she's in the wrong. I mean she took you back and then sent you away too many times. If she really wanted the space she would have told her other ex that she really needed the space and shoved him away like she did you, but it just seems too cruel for her continue with him while putting everything about you on hold, as if she didn't want you to date others or tell her the things you feel. That just seems way too selfish. So I think you shouldn't wait for her and try to occupy yourself with your favorite things to do and in the mean time if it wasn't all that serious you will forget her and move on. <3 Just My Thoughts <3

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What Guys Said 1

  • Even though you known this girl for a long time, it's best that you move on to other women and never talk to her again... You said it yourself, "she is hurting me by being in contact with her ex and giving him the consideration of giving things another go". She has made her decision. Don't wait for her, move forward and let her catch up to you. She's not being pulled two different directions, she was pulled in one-back to her ex. You gave her space before, and that was her way of telling you that your relationship was over the first time she wanted space. She will try to have you be her friend, you should decline that at all costs. Save the self respect you have left and start dating other women out there. If she tries to get in touch with you say that you are busy and ignore her. You fell for her and she didn't catch you... Time to move on.

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