He doesn't want me anymore. What should I do?

I've been married for ten years. I'm 38 and my husband is forty. His main focuses are business, kids, and his other interests. We've had sex less than 6 times this year. He's lost all interest in me. He says he doesn't want a divorce but pays me no attention. I'm confused: If he's not sexually or emotionally into me, why stay?

I'm so lonely. I know it's wrong but I'm thinking of seeking attention and physical pleasure elsewhere since he doesn't want me. I've a very high sex drive but he rolls over. I feel so ugly and unwanted. He won't divorce me, says I'm a good woman.

I'm so lonely and confused.


0|0
211

Most Helpful Guy

  • Makes me feel sad reading this. If I were in your shoes I'd have no choice but to go to a marriage counselor. I've known people who have done it and it really helped. Even if he appears to not want to work on the marriage, he actually might agree to go to a counselor with you. I've seen it happen.

    1|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm really feeling for you dear.
    Both a woman and man in a relationship need to feel desired especially as the years go by.
    You could flirt with him during the day to build up the desire for sex.
    Try a sexy text or two.
    Have a special dinner once a week.
    Thank him for the littlest things that he does.
    Lack of attention can be the start of the down fall of a marriage.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I'm loving, encouraging, thankful to him. I worship this man. How can you not show your wife love and attention; not have sex with her yet not want a divorce? I've talked. He won't even touch me. Still, he doesn't want a divorce? I do everything you listed and more. I'm confused, lonely, and horny. I'm a damn companion dog in human form.

    • That's what my marriage was like but more so that my husband wanted more intimacy but I felt invisible to him unless we were in the bedroom.
      I wish you so much love and luck with sorting through this.
      Marriage counseling helped us.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 10

  • If you want a relationship with someone else, tell your husband about your desire. Then tell him that you are not a cheater, so the only option is for you to file for divorce.

    1|0
    0|0
  • You have to tell him how you feel, in great detail. Communication is one of the most important things you can have in a relationship, and lack of communication is a relationship killer. Tell him that the way he acts toward you makes you feel ugly and unwanted. Tell him that you have considered taking another lover and cheating on him. Tell him you need sex with him more than six times a year. Tell him you have a high sex drive. Don't just tell us these things, tell him. If he won't listen, make him listen - tell him to sit down and listen to you, and threaten him with divorce if he refuses to do so.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I do calmly. He brushes me off. I'm done chasing him, begging for love, attention, and sex. I literary get so desperate that I beg.

    • Sounds like you need couples counseling. Demand he go to couples counseling with you, or you will divorce him or cheat on him..

  • Have to agree. First step is to insist on couples therapy. If he declines, then what other choice do you have but to separate?

    1|0
    0|0
  • That's what happens when you get older. Everyone is like that and it doesn't mean he doesn't love you any less. Sex drive and testosterone goes down past a certain age, mainly your early to mid 20s. If it is bugging you the only thing you can do is talk to him about it and see just how big this problem is. It could just be you need to be much more vocal to him and your problem is solved. What you're considering if obviously bad and you know that, so don't even entertain that idea.

    0|0
    1|0
  • That's my life but in reverse. I have accepted my lot in life, and eagerly wait for my kids to be older

    1|0
    0|0
    • It's ok, we all have our struggles in life. The quality of our character is shown with how we deal with them.

    • My character won't allow me to cheat. I'm just being transparent and appreciate your transparency as well.

  • No reason to be confused.

    If your husband is not meeting your sexual needs and desires, then get a boyfriend. There is no need to change anything about what you have together. It is merely filling in the hole of what you don't have.

    Find a website that has the kind of men that are looking for a woman like you and go for it.

    0|0
    1|0
  • If I were in your shoes, I would have a serious talk with him. Tell him what you disclosed here. If your marriage is worth saving and you value your emotional well being, give it a try. He's obviously failing at his end of the deal if he can't meet your emotional/sexual needs.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I've talked, begged, changed. I beg for sex. I beg for attention. Nothing. But he doesn't want a divorce. I'm beginning to grow numb. Seriously. I've stopped because I feel unattractive and unloved. He tolerates me. I'm a great woman, wife, lover. I'm lost. I'm sad. I'm not begging anymore.

    • Show All
    • I really don't want to cheat, it's a side effect of the emotional responses I give to myself like when I wrote this. I'm a better woman than that, but when things get really bad my mind wanders.

    • How long has your marriage been like that?

  • I'm sorry that he doesn't know what he wants and doesn't appreciate you

    1|0
    0|0
  • Spread your wings and fly, don't spend another minute feeling like this. Life's short when your day comes to pass don't have regrets..

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hi dear read your post and i want you to know that your husband is really confused, dont be surprise he might be seeing another lady outside the marriage that why he keeps ignoring you and dont want to give you his attention, i have experience such with my husband some years back he treat me the same way but never wanted divorce it really a long story but today we are so happy together. would love you to mail me on my private mail so that i can let you know what to do so your husband can be a change man again. this is my email on
    mccartkatty @gmail. com will wait your mail

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 1

Loading... ;