I love him so much, I need help. What does this mean?

My ex boyfriend and I have been talking again for months after we took a few months apart. We started to get really close again, I really love him and wanted to work on getting back together again but slowly as friends first, and he told me the same thing and he would flirt with me all the time and basically talk as if we were back together. However he went through some personal issues and became depressed, and I have been by his side for years and I have supported him through this, just doing little things to make him feel better, like motivating him and sending him gifts and nice texts and ensuring he knows he's not alone. I tried my best to make him happy. I gave him so much importance and sacrificed my months to be there for him. I gave him space and was so understanding of his situation. Now his feelings have completely changed, he tells me he has no feelings for me and doesn't love me, and told me to stop forcing myself on him and just be generally rude about everything and he doesn't care for me anymore and it's like everytime I share my feelings they don't matter now. He told me that he tolerates me. Everything was fine before his depression and now it's all changed and I'm scared it will always be this way. I try so hard to impress him and do everything the right way and not make any mistakes, like I did with our past and I feel like I'm not good enough.. I don't want to give up on him because of his depression and his issues but I really want to be with him in the future and it crushes me. What did he mean by he tolerates me..


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This was so difficult to read because I know exactly how you are feeling, this is one of the hardest things to do, trying to be with someone when they have some for of depression but they are not letting you in. This my situation right now as well. I am sorry you are hurting so much, I really am. Sometimes in this situations when someone is suffering with depression, or they may have some kind of mental illness, we only ever want to be there for them. We want to take care of them and let me know we are here to help. But sometimes (especially males) they don't want that, they genuinely just want to be left alone. Men deal with things like this so much differently to what women do. Women will talk to their friends and family when they are feeling down or when they have an illness or even a problem, Men isolate themselves completely. They genuinely do just go into a little bubble, and they do things to keep them in that bubble, for example, maybe they'll play video games in order to block out their problems. His attitude towards you really isn't fair, but again, this is how men cope or think it is okay to cope in this way. If it is a case that he does have depression, it usually causes men to be angry about things and snap and say things they don't mean. Then later on down the line he will regret what he has said and probably be very sorry about it. It is so hard when you have so much love for someone, I know this myself. His feelings won't just go away overnight and he is probably suffering with this just the same as what you are but very good at making it look like he is 'okay'. I would advice that you give him some space, maybe some time as well to sit down and realise what he had with you. Men usually realise this in time and then they come back, whether that is to carry on the relationship or to talk about what you next step might be. If he does better himself, I would advice you take things nice and slowly, Depression isn't something people can just snap out of and it sounds like you have a lot of love for him. I hold my hands up to you for helping him through his rough times.
    I hope it all works out for you, and remember to Keep Smiling!

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What Girls Said 3

  • Unfortunately it means that he doesn't live you, but if you will decide to take care of him he might let you. You are trying to be good for him but good girls are usually treated worse than door mats.
    it sounds like its time to move on. Getting back together with this guy id going to be a big mistake. Don't fix what's broken. It hurts to leave him but it will hurt more if you get together

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  • Learn to let go.

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  • He doesn't want to be with you

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