Guys, Exboyfriend. Hot and cold. Builds walls. Won't let me back in but feels like he leaves a brick out to peak at me. Advice into what I can do?

My ex and I broke up in dec. It was a messy and complicated breakup.

There was no infidelity, no abuse. We fought a lot and it had a lot to do with both loosing ourselves in the relationship. I had a rough time with the breakup and my anxiety didn't help my behaviour. Since then I have been in councilling and have backed off of pressuring him a lot.

We have seen each other a few times since then. It's been on and off. He normally calls it off when we are getting close again. We haven't talked in a few weeks. I missed him and messaged him the other night. We ended up having sex. He messaged me the next day, and after that nothing. He is very very guarded with me. He always wants hugs, yet remains gaurded about what he shares with me. It hurts. The wall he has built is so strong. I have done everything to show him I'm safe. It's like he doesn't want to see. It's much easier to be behind the wall with me... then to be open and vulnerable with me again.

I don't know what to do. I still love the man. But he is an avoidant. I would love to spend time with him, but find it has to be on his terms. He hasn't done much internal work with forgiveness. I must mention he also suffers trauma from childhood. He is always meeting new people, but has a hard time with intimacy, and only had 1 close friend besides his family.

I love this man. I'm trying to be patient and just live my life. I don't know if he will ever let me in again.

Any advice from any men out there?
Thanks in advance.


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What Guys Said 3

  • The best thing is give him time. If he didn't still have strong feelings for you he would totally avoid you. He just is having a hard time trusting you again, and there's really nothing you can do about that except be patient and wait for him.

  • Move on. Learn how to be happy single. Then look for for a mate.

  • well what was the main cause of the break up?


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