Very depressed. Maybe it was all me that caused it?

So I am just having complete off days this week, I feel sick, have a sore throat, am stressed out with college fees I need to pay, if I don't, I can't move on and register for this year. I am waiting to see if I can get back on a grant, if not I am broke for years, or can only get at most a part time 2 day job for minimum wage, which will leave me barely surviving. I am just depressed in my life right now, I try to exercise a bit, socialize, but there is always something wrong, if it is not external it is internal emotional problems, or the whole lot together. Life has never ran smoothly for me, and I wonder why. I wonder why everything always is so difficult for me, and why the odds always seem stacked against me. I was also feeling like crap because I know I shouldn't look at my ex's facebook page, well I did, I was curious, he is happy out with his girlfriend who he got with a month after breaking up with me, they have been going out 5 months, he is currently in France meeting all her family, adding them all on facebook, and basically living a content peaceful life. His mother who used to be morbidly obese has lost about 10 stone by her pictures, and is looking really glamorous and healthy. I find the whole thing strange, when I was with him for 6 years, she has serious weight issues and depression, and put me through hell, and now that I am gone, she does a 180 and changes into this positive healthy person. I went through so much sh*t with that woman, where as the my ex's new girlfriend gets this way better version of her than I went through. Months ago at the beginning of the breakup he also laid down the law and said we will not talk ever again out of respect for my new girlfriend, where as with me if I didn't allow him to communicate with his ex at the time, he would berate me, and tell me find someone else. I just feel really hard done by, and wonder was it all me that caused the misery. Why do they seem so much happier now that I am not in the picture

Updates:
do you know how hard it is to see a woman who used to bully me look extremely happy and amazing after a few months of me not being in the picture? I feel I was bringing them down and now that I am not around they are all doing way better... I feel worthless. All I ever did was care about their feelings, and try and help both of them, and this is the thanks I get, I am treated as if I am dead, while they are laughing and joking into the sunset. Wonderful

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What Guys Said 2

  • The end of a relationship can be like a death. Does it seem like you're grieving?

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    • As bad as this to say it would be so much easier if they were physically off this earth, to know they are 5 minutes away and living this happy life, while I am sad, is extremely depressing.

    • Sure. That's hard. But they are not your concern any more. I don't think it's healthy to fixate on them.

  • That's sad but I respect you for your struggle

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    • Thanks. My life seems to be one huge struggle, sometimes I just don't think I will ever be happy.

What Girls Said 1

  • It jsut wasn't meant to be

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