Help! I don't know if I should stay or go... been with him for almost 4 years. He has career, negativity, and insecurity problems?

Been with him for almost 4 years. He hates his job & basically wants to move across the country in search of a job as a cop. He doesn't even know if he will like to do it he just wants to. (Grass is greener?) If I went, Id lose my career here my apprenticeship & seeing my family. He said that I could be a stay at home mom & have kids and a small farm & I dont want to. He is an only child so I think he is used to getting everything overnight. He has done well for himself but always complains about his job & gets really mean. He always wants my opinion but when I give it he just shoots it down & then gets mad when I stop giving my opinion. He also gets extremely jealous like won't let me go out & get a drink a bar, gets really mad when I post pictures of myself online (they are fitness photos) he even took me home early on my bday and wouldn't bring me out for drinks & dancing with him & some of his friends. I don't wear many revealing clothes but if I did he wouldn't be impressed. Also If there is a family bday or event, I don't tell him because he gets super mad that he has to go. We have a house, vehicles & 2 dogs together so it seems really hard to leave. He gets really angry over little things like if the house isn't clean or if I ask him to help with the dishes. I get he does work a very laborous job & he is tired when he comes home on the weekends. (He is only home 1 1/2 days a week because he works out of state) I've heard that men and women turn into their parents & I've seen traits with his father that I don't really like. I've been fighting these feelings of leaving for awhile but I can't bring myself to do it whenever we are arguing about it. I can picture myself with him but then some days I can't. I don't know if this relationship is worth fighting for or if it has slowly died out. I feel like the bad person but it is physically & mentally exhausting & really stresses me out. Worried that he is the one & also that he isn't the one and I'm enternally unhappy.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Please, leave this guy! ALSO, DON'T LEAVE WITH HIM ACROSS THE COUNTRY. If can't come to mutual understanding simple things then complex things or life-changing things are out the question. Also, Because you obviously stated your values. You value your being close to your family & career. You didn't work this hard for nothing. But also, handle this carefully for finance reasons. I think you subconsciously want to leave him. You vilified him well. What good has he actually done for you? Not the house or cars. How has actually made you happy? What efforts has he made to rekindle the relationship that was considered out of ordinary? Also, stand up against him. My opinion or no opinion. Also, I know relationships have their ups & downs. But are you willing to accept him for what his actions are or who & what he is? If the relationship is making you unhealthy, cut off your bets. Also, I haven't heard the full story. So I don't want to make a baseless opinion. Don't be stuck in denial or easily persuaded by his words. I say good luck to you and hold out until the end. If you feel can tolerate his actions. Work with him to find a better solution. A compromise without losing your valued opinion. I don't know him like you do, so handle this with care. Just make sure by the end of this month or even TONIGHT You make your decision. Also, I see the insecurity you were talking about. One more also. carefully bring up your opinion of him and the things we discussed for meaningful conversation. If you know how he's going to act tweak it. Or get professional help, seek mother/family, therapist, people who you respect and living happy lives (role models). Get advice from them. Truly check with yourself if you really want continue (same) or free of mind (stress free change). No lie you have find out the Lawyers & State costs. And the division and spliting of property. But keep your head up and get someone who would appreciate you immediately. He's located in dating game. Also calculate how long you want to be single. Or how long it will take to get over him. Make sure your feelings doesn't interfere with job, family. Its too late for your money. Plan everything out to the last detail. See Lawyer's advice & cost. Think realistically. GOOD LUCK.👍

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If it is making you this unhappy and you've been feeling this for a while, then maybe it is time to leave. It may be extremely hard but it's important to put yourself first and do what you bees in order to be happy and prosper in life

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What Guys Said 2

  • leave

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  • if you're unhappy you should leave him, it isn't going to be any better

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What Girls Said 1

  • Tldr what's your career?

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    • 2 jobs: Tattoo Artist/Apprentice and Marketing at a really good company

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    • Im sorry, just stressed. When we discuss breaking up, (we've discussed it multiple times Over the past few months), he says I'm just throwing our 4yr relationship away which makes me feel guilty. My anxiety screams two things: "what if he is the one? Don't leave!" and "what is you are missing your mr right and you end up unhappy forever?"

      I wish love was easy.

    • If you are unhappy now, it's not going to miraculously get better by moving to a place where you don't know anyone.

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