He's going through a divorce. Does he really care about Me?

Backstory:
me and this guy met about 4 years ago and going out and had sexual encounters here and there. It was bad timing for both of us though. He was fresh out of a long relationship and I was moving away for work.
Fast forward a year and he's engaged/ married and I'm in a serious relationship. But we still talk as friends. I come home often and we get together and talk about our relationships and vent to each other. Really good friendship. Wellll it escalated to inappropriate topic and conversations. Like talking ab how unhappy we were in our current relationships and how we really liked each other (7 on a scale of 1-10) and how we wondered what it would be like to be together blah blah. Well we also began sexting. Never physical. Just verbal. Well now I'm out of my relationship and he's going through a divorce.
So now all of a sudden he wants to be good and guarded. He won't tell me he misses me or any emotion like he used to. I know the divorce is Hard for him and I been trying to be a friend and support him bit it's getting harder.
I've gotten upset and tried to stop talking to him but he won't let me go. He keeps messaging me.
So my question is; do y'all think he ever really cared and had feelings for me or was he just using Me? If so why keep me around? We don't sext any more but he messages me 1st every day. I don't want to be pushy but at the same time I don't want to wait on someone that's just going to hurt me. AM I just a friend he uses when he needs? Or does he really have feelings?

Updates:
please dont judge me I am well aware that I allowed a bad thing to happen and i was wrong. I'm not proud. it doesn't change the fact that i have feelings for him. I was worried it was all lust and he didn't mean anything he said so i asked him. He said he didn't want to get involved with emotions and feelings right now. But told me it wasn't lust. That feelings were involved. Now my question is, if feelings were involved, does he not want to talk ab it because he's not divorced yet? I'm confused :(

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's bad timing. He's fresh out of a long term relationship (again). He needs time. I wouldn't have thought inserting yourself into the divorce process would be fun for you either. You can make your feelings known but I would imagine he needs a friend. It's possible that's what you represent anyway. Hard to tell.

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    • I didn't want to insert myself. but i guess it was inevitable since he felt comfortable talking to me before. we were always friends first it just escalated. I'm really not proud of my situation or my involvement. But i did fall hard for him. I wanted to know if it was real or just lust so i asked. he said he didn't want to get "involved with emotions and feelings and this isn't something we should be talking about". Then he told me it wasn't lust that there were feelings involved. So my confusion now is he trying to avoid it because he's confused because he is going through a life changing event or is it because he no longer has feelings?

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    • It won't let me message you said you only accept messages from followers. But I am following you. Cab you message me?

    • Try again. Tweaked settings. Not tried this before.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • I don't get people like you. How will you ever trust the other? You're both proven cheaters that doesn't give a fuck about fidelity. Don't you type people ever think about these things? You really think he'd never cheat on you? Really? Lol smh

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  • He's still talking to you right? I'd say right now He's going through a rough patch. let things mellow out with him. stress can make you weird trust me

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    • He is. I tried to pull back bc i know i was allowing my emotions to get in the way of our friendship. But every single day he finds a reason to message me. It started off with talking about his divorce and how hard it was, but now its just random talk. I have strong feelings for this guy, possibly even love. I know I'm an idiot but i can't help it. So I did tell him i fell hard for him but i was trying to be just a friend now. when i asked if it was just lust or real. originally he said he didn't want to get "involved with emotions and feelings and this isn't something we should be talking about". Then he told me it wasn't lust that there were feelings involved. So my confusion now is he trying to avoid it because he's confused because he is going through a life changing event or is it because he no longer has feelings?

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    • I feel like he was being fake and telling me what i wanted to hear. He didn't want to hurt me by telling me it was just lust. But he tells me about these other girls to kinda push me away. I have a tendency to over analyze which is why I'm here. I told him i didn't want to be with him and that i didn't have feelings anymore but thats a flat lie. Im sure he has to know this. I don't know Like part of me wants to ghost him but then part is scared to lose that friend and potential future/ \

    • it sounds like He's reveling in pleasure. if you're hurt I guess let him know and see if he changes but time will tell all

  • You are interesting for him as long as you are not his main girl. If you get serious with him, in a year or two he will find another girl as a lover and tell her how unhappy he is with you while also fucking her occasionally.

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    • Not that it's any better, but we never had sex or got physical while we were in relationships. Still haven't. Just talked.

    • still. the guy whod rather find some sidechick to sext and whine to instead of trying to solve his relationship problems with his current gf/ wife, is it the kind of man you are looking for?

What Girls Said 3

  • He ever really cared or not about you isn't the problem, but as you already knew he's a married man, so why have to keep on doing that? There is no use in trying to be friend with him. So don't ever be a reason that he getting divorce. You're 29 and still do childish? You are more than old enough to know what is right and what is wrong. I really don't get people like you, really. I don't blame or judge your life, your choice anyway. But I can tell you're doing it wrong! Like really wrong! And remember this, he was cheating his wife to be with you, and you think he will never cheat on you? Karma is real, what goes around comes around.
    Sorry. Just sayin'.

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  • You're evil

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    • Im not proud of how things happened. I'm not a bad person just got in a bad situation.

  • I don't think he's ready to think about all that right now. He's going through a rough time and he doesn't want to jump in a new relationship right now.

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