Am I the dumpee or dumper or both?

So I started to notice how my ex was becoming distant and not being as caring. This was in the beginning of summer. Mind you, he was my first boyfriend as we were dating since November. There were a few red flags, one being he was always sexually pressuring me (I'm a virgin) I decided to give him a chance. In June, I went over to his place, and before you know it, he pressured me to take off my underwear and got mad whenever I didn't want to do oral (left me in the bed for some time). Anyways, when I tried to communicate how I felt in the car, he didn't care, as he said things like "should I say sorry? What do you me to say?" Didn't check on me afterwards. Because of this, I decided to become cold, as he even hung up on me when I tried to tell him how I felt. At this time, I was really hurt so I was even scared to see his response because he was verbally attacking me. But anyways, he told me he would never bother me again (which he sent after I took a 2 day break). That was that. I didn't even expect that.
Breakup: After he sent me that, I immediately went NC and it wasn't until a week when he sent me a message through Snap. Basically asked me why I cut him off. So I poured my heart and told him how he treated me/how I couldn't handle his lies, disrespect, and apathy. And even though I didn't want to break up as I believe he was going to try and fix the issues.. he just told me how he hopes I find someone that will treat me right, how he will keep his distance so he won't hurt me anymore.
So I'm just confused. It's been about 7 weeks NC. Saw him two weeks with a new girl @ concert which extremely hurt, but I'm gonna try and move on. I blocked him on Twitter, but he still has me on Snap. It just sucks because I opened up myself to him in almost aspects. He blamed me for repeatedly asking him questions. I mean.. this is my first relationship, plus I have anxiety so..


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What Guys Said 2

  • before you blame yourself, you should know that what you did was great... I mean defending your principles and priorities to avoid what you don't want to do was really mature and good.

    I know first love is wonderful and breaking up sucks, but give yourself a time to build your confidence and feelings about yourself before committing to any other relationship.

    don't lose your virginity in order to satisfy someone else... and always keep your standards high.
    take a break and live your life.

    Good luck...

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    • Thanks so much. Sometimes I think about reconciling, but the way he treated me at the concert with his new girl.. I wonder if he even thinks about what he did. I just hope I don't see him anytime soon.

    • just be happy... that person's leaving will relieve a lot of extra weight on your heart and don't worry... you didn't lose a big part of yourself... you'll find that part when you're ready... it's up to you

  • so in this case you still keeping your V-card or he managed to deflowered you?

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    • We didn't have sex..

    • Then be happy that you are still having your V-card. his behavior isn't good for you and i can see you are trying to hard to be close to him

    • Yeah. Lol but my question was whether I was the dumpee or the dumper. And ik im trying to get over him, it's just cause he was the 1st person i dated.. it's hard

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