Is it cheating?

i got on my fiances facebook and saw that he had messaged his ex and told her that he missed her and they should go out sometime, we are living together, and at the time of this message I was 5 months pregnant with his child, should I say anything? or just let it go?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've been in a similar situation with a very old ex about four years ago .. He is the father to my 3 year old. We lived with each other when my son was 1 and I saw he left his computer on and his face book page up I went to inbox and saw he was telling his ex that he missed his lover and how he wanted to fly her down. I was pretty upset and hurt yet I confronted him in a calm way. For I didn't want to escalate the situation especially around my child. Yet, realize that a guy who loves you and wants you wouldn't ever turn around behind your back and do what he did. For he disrespected you and shows that if he is capable of placing his relationship in a complicated situation like that and can keep that from you what else is he capable of. My ex has been long gone for I came to find he cheated three times that won't happen to you. But don't forget about something like that.. For even though you love him.. You should love yourself more aide you deserve not to have him hide things like that from you:)

    Not sure if you had the baby yet, but your baby deserves for his mom to be happy and if he continue to message people such an ex imagine the hurt and frustration it will cause you , for your children sense your emotions. ...

    But I would talk to him ask him.. If he lies then how can you continue building a solid relationship. Communication. Trust and respect are essential for a healthy relationship. I wish you luck.. And just be happy no matter what for you have that baby and no guy is worth putting you through anguish .

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    • I agree that open communication is important, but at the same time, I know that as girls, we can over analyze and misinterpret many little things and blow things way out of proportion. Whether out of insecurity, trust issues or fear. Granted, in your situation he said he "missed his lover and wanted to fly her down" that's much more extreme than her fiance's simple "I miss you, lets go out sometime". I honestly feel that this message could be a simple "lets catch up"...

    • Ya girls can't misinterpret things and can throw things out of porportion.. But you can't deny what you read. And it's best that you just ask him about it, if there is nothing going on then just a simple and friendly "I want to catch up", then he won't have a hard time telling you about it . Yet I hope that is all it is. Cause you do deserve to be told the truth .

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What Guys Said 4

  • I don't condone a breach of privacy

    BUT that said. You need to confront him about this ASAP

    Your in a relationship with this guy, live together and are pregnant with his child and he's talking about missing his ex and wanting to meet up!

    I can't lie I'm mad right about now.

    If you let this go I can almost guarantee he will end up meeting her and doing god knows what

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  • I'm not going to sugar coat this one, he's probably going to cheat. Being a guy, the only reason I would contact an ex and tell her I missed her is to potentially hook up. Come on with that whole if he loves you he wouldn;t bs. I would not tell a girl I missed her and we should go out, with out my fiancee being there or even knowing, if I had good intentions. You need to confront and prepare for an overnight visit with mom, because it should be ugly

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    • This comment is 100% right. I won't write my own because it would sound exactly like this.

  • I'd be angry with him and let him know it right now!There's no excuse for this.

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  • What were you doing on his Facebook?

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What Girls Said 1

  • In response to the title, no it's not "cheating"

    it is a reason to be justifiably concerned, though.

    Unless he granted you permission to access his facebook, bringing up this issue could be tricky. He will surely get upset that you breached his privacy.

    Unless he has been acting differently towards you, or more distant, then I would try not to worry too much about it. He has a history with her, surely there are things he may miss, but there is a reason she is an ex, right? He could just want to go out and catch up with her, and discuss his new life as well.

    If I were in your shoes, I would be a bit suspicious and concerned. But at the same time, no real "deal breaking" line has been crossed. If he's going to cross that line, he's sure to do it sooner or later. Once he does, *then* there is a problem.

    You can confront him however you feel necessary *if* you feel the need. I just think once you mention how you accessed that information, it may cause a real problem, when there quite possibly could have been nothing going on.

    It's like a double edged sword.

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