Spinning out of control ... and I hate myself for what has happened!

The thing is I feel bad for what has happened between me and my ex. She wanted to be friends, yet our friendship has just been both of us getting hurt. Either one of us getting mad at one or the other for something very simple. She thinks I got mad at her for when she brought her new boy friend into my work, really I don't like this guy personally, I didn't like that she brought him in. I just shrugged it off, and everything, and kinda couldn't tell her how I truly felt about the situation. I realize that what was wrong in our relationship is my ability to communicate properly to her on how I feel. I usually would let certain thing's slide and "Wouldn't stand up to her" to tell her how I truly felt. It's not that I can't stand up to her, I stand up to everybody, it just when it comes to her I have no drive to stand up to her and I can care a bit less of what she has done. But I know I care for her, I still when our song plays over the radio I cry, I just don't have the courage or guts or I don't know to do anything to stop her from controlling me. What the heck is wrong with me? I tell my other friends how I feel yet I can't tell her how either mad I am or sad or even hurt by her actions. This has to stop, yet I have no idea where I can make my stand, how I can fix these problems or anything. What do I do?


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  • This story sounds very similar to something I went through.

    Well, I know you might want to remain friends with her, but if you're friends with someone and the both of you only end up getting hurt, then it's not a friendship worth keeping. It will benefit you more in the long run if you get yourself out of it. Mentally, it's not very healthy to be constantly fighting with someone over small things, and it's not good for you if you keep getting hurt by her actions.

    I was friends with an ex and the two of us, like the two of you, were fighting over small and petty things, and it was clear she didn't care about me or my feelings anymore. I still loved her, I was still trying to be as nice as possible, but I wasn't getting the same in return. So I just called an end to the friendship, and I'm much better without her than I was with her. It was tough, but it was worth it.

    It seems to me that you can't tell her how you feel because you care about her, and you care about how she'll react. And because you mentioned that the two of you fight over simple things, you don't want to cause a fight by telling her something upset you. I know you care about her still, but it's apparent she doesn't share the same feelings. She wouldn't be bringing in her new boyfriend to where you work if she cared how you felt about her, and she wouldn't be fighting with you.

    I know how difficult it is to keep your emotions in check when you see or hear something that reminds you of your ex. If that does happen, just occupy yourself with something else if you can.

    Also, it could be a long shot, but Google 'Cluster B Personality Disorders'. It seems to me like your ex could have Borderline and/or Histrionic Personality Disorder from what you've said (she's controlling, she gets mad at simple things, her actions make you mad or sad, she brought her new boyfriend into where you work, she seems to lack empathy for you, she's emotionally abusive). I could be wrong, only you would know for sure, but it's worth checking it out anyway.


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