Contemplating a divorce. Not sure where to start. Where to start?

I am no longer happy with my husband. I have been married for two years; together for seven years. We have no children. He spends little to no time with me on his days off. He dedicates his time to his adult football team and playing video games. He spends 8 hours almost every Sunday on the field. I use to go with him but I can’t anymore. I feel like it is a huge waste of my time. He also chooses places that are 1 hour away from where we live. It is like a 2-hour commute of coming and going to the field. He is the coach of the team but you would think he is getting paid to play football because of the amount he spends on the field or coaching. This Sunday he pushed my buttons. We made plans and he canceled to play football. He is not a man of his word and is constantly late. Drives like a manic at times for no reason. We are in our early 30’s and don’t own any property together. We share a savings, which I am the only want that puts money in our account. He pays for most of the bills and has a 401k account; which he has never added me to. He says he loves me but never shows it. We probably only had sex 30 times in two years. Most of the time it has been due to me begging him. He is always on his phone texting his friends about what time they are going to video games or football. I highly doubted that he is cheating on me but honestly who knows. I am not the jealous type and neither is he. I have asked him numerous times to go to therapy and he refuses. I don’t know what to do anymore. If we do decide to get a divorce, how do we split everything up? I have a couple thousand saved on my own but it’s not really a whole lot. I still don’t know how much he has in his personal savings and checking accounts. I have an idea of how much he has in his 401k, which by the way. he took out some of his money to pay for our wedding. I have no idea even where to being for getting a divorce. Where should I begin if we do decide to get a divorce?


Most Helpful Guy

  • If you've communicated these issues and he has done nothing to resolve them, I'd give him an ultimatum. Either he accepts to go to couples therapy, or you want to file for a divorce. First step is to obviously look for a lawyer and they will guide you along the process.


Most Helpful Girl

  • It's not too late to move on and you have too much life ahead of you to waste. Move on because there is too much going wrong.

    • I really wish I could fix it though

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What Guys Said 4

  • Seems to have been the straw that broke the camels back. Your best bet to finding out the answers is to tall to a lawyer. To me it seems he was planning this to end, even if it didn't.

    • Thanks

    • You're welcome. Sorry I can't be more help, but a good lawyer will know. Start looking around town and see. He doesn't need to know. But know that I believe divorce is the option here because you have tried and tried again countless times and he won't listen and not work with you on anything. There's a point where enough is enough, and I think you're at that point.

    • True

  • Nice paragraph complain about him. I'd ask to see one about you just as long but I already you're playing the role of innocent victim here.

    What makes you think it's okay for you to take half his shit?

    • Where did I say I wanted half of what he has?

    • "If we do decide to get a divorce, how do we split everything up?"
      "I still don’t know how much he has in his personal savings and checking accounts. I have an idea of how much he has in his 401k, which by the way. he took out some of his money to pay for our wedding."

      There you go.

      If you're going to leave him, what business do you have knowing how much he has saved up for himself? It's because you want to take what he has. You're literally the reason why shit like 'MGTOW" and "RedPill" exists.

  • dont divorce him try to make your relation good by spending time with each other

    • But how? I have tried everything in my power to make him happy. I make him breakfast, lunch, and dinner at least five days a week. I clean, I do laundry, I save as much as I can in our account, I don't overspend on anything, etc. He likes to over spend because he says he grew up with nothing. He doesn't know how to budget, which I have been telling him for years to let me do our budget for both of us but he doesn't want me to. I don't want to divorce but I am not happy as I feel like he does not make me a priority. I feel like his roommate that he has a crush on and nothing exciting ever happens. :(

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    • Not sure what you mean but saying as he wants?

    • try to talk with him and go for holidays out for sometime and try to explain him what you want to say

  • you keep your stuff and money and let him keep his

    • He has paid for most of the bills and I have deposited 98% of my money to our savings. I know he has three times more in his 401k, but he has never even added me to his account. I have asked him to add me multiple times to add me and it never happens. I don't know what to think of this except that he doesn't care. How would we divide that money?

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    • In all honesty, I would just like to keep what I put in our savings and he could just keep his 401k. I guess I would just be afraid that he tried to take what I put in the savings even though I don't think he would.

    • when you file and go in front of the judge he will divide it

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