But then he asked me out and I was so excited! He was calling me pretty, beautiful, funny, all the nice things and it was just fun because I'd never had a boy tell me those things before.
Then, when we actually went out as "boyfriend/girlfriend" I felt he was going to kiss me... and he did.
Only I felt nothing - no butterflies or anything. In fact I was kind of taken aback and disappointed (that I hadn't felt anything).
A couple days went on like this but I never felt anything when we kissed or when he touched me, like hugs or putting his arm around me. I wanted so badly to feel something because I enjoyed his company, but then the idea popped into my head that I still only saw him as a friend. Even just talking and hanging out I felt like he was just a friend.
Anyways, we broke up and left on bad terms, of course.
I look back and look at how poorly he treated me and it's sickening... except I can't get over him. Everything I do reminds me of him somehow, and throughout the day I have these ideas of just contacting him again.
I just don't understand how I didn't have any feelings when I was with him (as you read above), but then I can miss him so badly now?
Do I miss the attention he gave me? The idea of him? Maybe just the idea of having a boyfriend?
I'm so lost. Sorry for the length, and it might not make sense, I'm just really sad.