I never really had feelings for him but now I can't get over him?

Ok, so it's really complicated, but me and this guy were pretty good friends - but he was always pretty mean to me, (which was a huge red flag I know... but I'm so dumb)
But then he asked me out and I was so excited! He was calling me pretty, beautiful, funny, all the nice things and it was just fun because I'd never had a boy tell me those things before.
Then, when we actually went out as "boyfriend/girlfriend" I felt he was going to kiss me... and he did.
Only I felt nothing - no butterflies or anything. In fact I was kind of taken aback and disappointed (that I hadn't felt anything).
A couple days went on like this but I never felt anything when we kissed or when he touched me, like hugs or putting his arm around me. I wanted so badly to feel something because I enjoyed his company, but then the idea popped into my head that I still only saw him as a friend. Even just talking and hanging out I felt like he was just a friend.
Anyways, we broke up and left on bad terms, of course.
I look back and look at how poorly he treated me and it's sickening... except I can't get over him. Everything I do reminds me of him somehow, and throughout the day I have these ideas of just contacting him again.
I just don't understand how I didn't have any feelings when I was with him (as you read above), but then I can miss him so badly now?
Do I miss the attention he gave me? The idea of him? Maybe just the idea of having a boyfriend?
I'm so lost. Sorry for the length, and it might not make sense, I'm just really sad.


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  • You want the feeling of being loved and having someone who cares about you, you don’t really care about him in particular you just carve the echoes of the relationship. Just find another man.

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