Most Helpful Guy
We subconsciously end up doing things and pursuing things in life that we think we deserve, and that leads to self-sabotage. Abuse victims subconsciously seek out abusers because they've come to feel that's their lot in life. You're even talking about your lover treating you like dirt matter-of-factly.
If we hate ourselves then we will seek out the level of validation and approval we feel we deserve. I grew up with depression and even now I find absolute solace when I'm so down it's unbearable. I feel alive, and I feel that's how I should feel. I find myself craving it, and that scares me. I know I shouldn't want it but I do.
It's a cycle that feeds into itself, and it's tough to break.
Most Helpful Girl
I'm not at all blaming you, but unfortunately abuse victims tend to unintentionally seek out abusers. You tend to be more accepting because you're adjusted to it. If you don't accept the behaviour, the less you will see it.