I've been with the same person for 4 years. Last December we lost his roommate to suicide and he was the one who found him. We moved In togetjer afterwards and it actually made us stronger. We struggled money wise since we both bought new cars but we never fought about finances. We always figured situations out. I did however made him feel like i didn't trust him, even though i did trust him. I just would accuse him to get a reaction. I planned my life with him though i wanted to get married. Fast forward to this summer. I was sick and we couldn't figure out why. Turns out I have thyroid cancer. I freaked out. I distanced myself from him by making it seem like nothing was good enough. I thought if I pushed him towards his friends it wouldn't be as horrible if something happened to me. After my surgery i was getting better. But I still pushed him to keep him safe. Finally one day I took a fight too far and i threatened to move out over the weekend. I kept egging it on. Now we live in separate houses. We broke up. And he is barely starting to ask me to stay over again after a month. But we are not together and we are still just talking things through and i have to show him I do trust him. We both are going through hard times right now, but I don't know if me sticking around is healthy for me since its false hope while he holds the power of yes or no. I don't know what to do.