Contacting my ex?

We had a bad breakup a while ago. And I'm not gonna lie... she really "d***ed" me over after the break up. From hooking up with guys in front of me at bars, to spreading AWFUL rumors about me all over campus, she really went out of her way to hurt me as much as possible.

After a few months of no contact we ended up hooking up again she even admitted to her malice regarding her post break up behavior (she did it all on purpose).

After one of my female friends confronted her about her behavior at a party, my ex cried (from what I hear) and stopped returning my calls.

It's been a few months since I talked her (I left a message on her machine wishing her a happy birthday) and I was wondering if it would be wise to contact her again.

I know all of my friends and family hate her. Even her friends (which loved me) said I should move on because I was "out of her league" (I can't make this stuff up). But you really can't help who you have feelings for.

I am in no way interested in dating her. And I NEVER will (I can never trust her again). Some of the stuff she did to me was beyond bad (bordering on evil) but deep down I know she's a good person.

On top of that I know that I'm not the perfect guy (far from it actually), and everybody makes mistakes.

I can forgive her.

I just worry about her or wonder how's she's doing from time to time.

Do you think it would be wise to open up communication again (just to see how she's doing)... or should I just forget her and move on?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You're obviously a smart guy. You're having trouble seeing the forest for the trees. You need to take a step back and think about the advice that you would give to one of your buddies that was in this situation.

    She may be a good person deep down, but her behavior toward you should be setting off alarms in your head that she's not a good person for you. Whatever happened to cause the behavior is now beyond your control. It's one thing to have a bad breakup, and call each other names, and go your separate ways and be mad at each other. The fact that she would take the time to try and tarnish your reputation, should be enough for you to know that she cannot be trusted. Not even as a friend. She can repent all she wants, but what's done is done.

    I rarely ever suggest that we should be concerned about what other people think of us when we end a relationship. However, in this case, I believe you should be concerned. Not concerned what she will think of you, but what family and friends will think of you for letting her back in your life. Accept her apology, but don't allow her back in your life.

    I'm guessing you'll probably run into her on campus, or at parties and such. There's no reason you shouldn't be polite and respectful, but refrain from interacting.

    At this point, it should be no concern of yours as to how she's doing. It shouldn't make any difference. Chalk that relationship up to experience and move on.


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What Girls Said 2

  • You really don't think you deserve any better do you? I guarantee you she is not worth it and there is someone out there that will love and RESPECT you, but first you have to respect yourself and set boundaries in relationships. Sounds like your a great guy, but believe you aren't a great catch.

  • the only thing you need to wory about with this is her geting the wrong idea and screwing you over again but I think that as long as she realizes that you only want to be friends that it would be a nice gesture to contact her to see how she is


What Guys Said 2

  • If you still have feelings for her, and you still care how she might be doing in life than you know what man there's nothing wrong to contact her and tell here how she's doing. Although be aware you don't want her to think that you might want to get with her again and let her start thinking that she's all that, and your all the way in the bottom. I'm not saying she's a bad person...but from what you told me, it seems like she put you through hell and enjoyed every minute of it, and that's not cool man. If she starts acting as if she's too good for you then forget that man your better then that. But if she appreciates it and has contact with you also even if its little by little than so be it, you reunite at least as friends and well...who knows. Remember life works in very mysterious ways...and you never know what might happen or not. You seem like a good guy, go ahead and make contact, remember the guilt does'nt lie in you, it lies in her, your trying to see how she is doing and that's cool man. Nevertheless, good luck with everything man, take care there.

  • I don't see why you couldn't be friends. Everyone deserves a second chance in my book. You know she feels bad about what she did, how would you feel if you did something bad like that and nobody was there for you?


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