Does that mean it's okay?

So I was in one of those good relationships which, for me, ended "out of the blue". It didn't take my ex more than 3 weeks (if that) to lock onto the next conquest. In the mean time I was a wreck-not eating, sleeping, just totally thrown through a loop by the switch my ex flipped.

The most common excuse I've heard for my ex's rebound behavior is "Well, they can move on faster because in their minds it's been over a while so they've already processed it"

. . . Is that supposed to justify their actions and make how they end the relationship okay and without fault? I'm very interested to here girls and guys perspective on this? Where is the accountability?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It doesn't justify anything, it's an excuse. Let me guess, everything was going great then all of a sudden he gives you a "talk" on how things weren't working out, wanted to see other people, he wasn't "ready", wasn't feeling it, needed time, it wasn't you it was him, told you "we can still be friends", or just stopped talking to you altogether. If he moved on that fast I can tell you that he thought about breaking up for a long time, at least a week before he did it and he had this other woman in his sights. Things like this happens all the time (usually to guys). How can something be solved and you don't even know what the problem is? Since he didn't talk to you about what was going on, he just wanted to "let you down easy" without the drama of a break up. It's not right and I understand, but you just have to move on from him. Don't talk to this guy ever again and don't be friends with him.

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    • Thanks for your input! I don't think I'll ever understand how he went from talking about living together to seeing someone else but I guess he isn't my problem anymore!

    • P.S - His excuse was he just "wasn't there" you hit the nail on the head :)

    • Exactly. You will find someone that will appreciate your worth (or someone will find you).

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • I had the exact same thing happen to me, it does kill you as expected.

    I believe that anybody has the right to move on as they please but it is not socialy acceptable and will make that person look bad, I always thought that it would have been nice to consider the other persons feelings but as we both saw "apparently not"

    There was a lot of hasle from this and I found it was easyer to just drop my ex from my life and mabye down the track we will come back to see each other as friends again.

    But yes he is a massive wanker for the heel he put you though.

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  • There's nothing you can do except to get over it. Sorry if that's harsh, but we've all been in your situation. Personally I am usually honest about why I breakup with someone, but sometimes telling the truth can be a heartless thing to do. How difficult is it to say to someone "you are just not good looking enough, and I think I can do better, and have already found someone better."

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  • I know how you feel, I had an ex to this to me..

    There isn't any accountability because technically, no one did anything wrong.

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    • That's exactly my point because I feel he DID do something wrong. I'm a big girl and can handle the truth, so I'm wondering why not just say "I met someone" and take responsibility for your actions up front?-they come out in the wash sooner or later anyway. .

    • Your feelings don't change the fact that he didn't...

      I don't know why, I wouldn't never do something like that...

What Girls Said 4

  • My school of thought is that if people were honest about why they wanted to break up, it would be so much easier to get over them. Like your comment to Gintrovert suggests, if he'd said "I met someone else" or whatever, it would be easier to make sense of his actions. Unfortunately people are rarely that honest because they're scared of hurting others and of being judged by them.

    It sounds like he was shying away from taking responsibility for his own decisions...if he had been thinking about ending it for a while, why not say "here's what I've been thinking, here's why I want to end it"? People should at least have the consideration to do that I think.

    I hope you're able to move on soon, he obviously didn't deserve you with behavior like that.

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    • Thank you for your input. When he dumped me for our "unfixable issues" I said we could work on it-then I asked "Wait, is this even up for discussion?" "And he said no. I think he forgot there were two people in that relationship. . .

    • What a loser! He didn't even want to try and work it out with you, and you're right he forgot that there were two people in the relationship. You can do WAY better than that!

  • Ok..sooo I understand why he's moved on so quickly...I was in a relatonship for 6 years and my ex said it came out of the blue when I broke up with him...but it really wasn't...I was telling him I needed things to change and that for about 6-7 months before we broke up...and in the last month we were togheter I told him...nothing is changing...I'm not happy...I want something more...nywho...sooo when we broke up...he was upset, sad , mad... and I was fine...why...because I had been considering breaking up since 6-7 months earlier... so when we broke up..I was ready for something new...to go out and meet new people!...Sooo my bet is that the breakup was something she's been thinking about for a while...and that's why he isn't were you are in the recovery!

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    • I totally get what you are saying about the situation you are in but here's the thing- He never, and I mean NEVER vocalized any concerns whatsoever about being unhappy/changing our relationship. You might be thinking "Well he probably dropped hints, said things here or there". Not at all. Up until the week before he dumped me it was "you make me so happy, I'm so thankful to have you" and was even telling our friends the same. Zero communication on his part-he didn't want to get his hands dirty

    • Yaaa I believe you he probably didn't say anything...men are bad at communicating their feelings...he was however still moving on during the relationship....which sucks...but is probably th reason why he could move on faster than you...sucks..but now its your turn to move on...he wasn't right for you...you deserve better!!!

  • He should have been honest with you. If he was in a good relationship with you, he owed you that much. But then again, you can't make people do things they don't want to do. Is it his excuse about moving on faster? Or are your friends telling you that? In any case, that excuse is supposed to make you feel better. Funny, huh? We always what to know why, even if there is no answer to that question. Ultimately, I don't think any excuse is supposed to justify anyone's actions. It's just supposed to make us feel better so we can move on.

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  • I am unsure how break-ups and accountability are connected? What brings people together has nothing to do with accountability and neither does breaking up. Now, if he left you in the lurch with bills or moved out of an apartment you both shared the cost of, he should do right by you. If he fooled around on you, well he is a jerk. But, if he just did not want to be with you anymore, that is that.

    I went through a horrible breakup a few years ago. I wanted to die. He went off for the summer (he was a teacher who traveled during his summer break) telling me how much he loved me, and came back and moved out within a few days. Nightmare. Oh, yay, the kicker was he had a summer fling which I found out about later. Not that he stuck with her, he didn't, but even with all of that I know that he did not owe me love or owe me anything. Oh, I did ask him to apologize to me for sleeping with that girl and he did. That is all he owed.

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