Failed 13 year relationship. How to start over and move on?

I just got out of a long relationship. She decided she hates white people and does not love me anymore. I am crushed and still attached. How should I move on? Haven't flirted or really interacted with the opposite sex in over a decade. Where should I start?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Start by taking some time off. Completely forget about relationships for a while. You are still plenty young enough, so no need to hurry. I'd take time off until being single becomes routine and feels normal.

    You've been with someone most of your adult life. You are not the same person as you were 13 years ago. When you start dating again, it's not really about the span in time, like you forgot how to do it. It's just that you are older now, and a different person. So will anyone in the age range you are likely to date. It will be at a more mature level than it was before.

    You are in a different place in your life, and so will she be. Take that into account. You'll probably find things a bit more straight forward. You both know what it's all about, so no need to beat around the bush and play games.

    • Appreciate the advise. What makes it harder is I watched and helped her brothers grow up and they are begging me not to leave their lives. They consider me family as I do them. Unfortunately every time I talk to them it reminds me of their sisters. What makes it even more difficult is they have become my sole support, hence I am typing my drama, venting, and seeking advise in an App.

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What Guys Said 3

  • You should start by healing. It's going to take a while to get over that. When being single feels like a normal occurrence, then you can start dating again. Chances are, you've changed in that time. Sit down and think about how you've changed and what you want now. Then go talk to people. Online can be OK. It depends on how much you get out.

  • First off, I am very sorry for this loss and pain you are experiencing. Second, it is not the end of the world nor has it been a waste of your time and life. Life happens and we have to sometimes rebuild and start over after a devastating event.

    Take your time healing, cry when you need to, and when you are ready, be nice to women you encounter and whether you see someone you want to get to know or you seek her out on the internet, just be yourself and focus on the clean slate future that is ahead of you. Nothing is a waste, and life is always a learning experience. I hope I have helped you a little bit.

  • 13 years? What exactly happened?

    • She made a jaded female friend, from multiple failed relationships, who convinced her that I was controlling her and that she should not trust white people. (this was the day after the VA incident) I just bought a house for us to settle down in and began moving our stuff. She wigged out on me during one of my pickups said she needed space and proceeded to go on a spending spree and hanging out with people a decade younger than her. Lying about her age. It seemed like a early mid life crisis. Keep in mind I was traveling previously trying to find work.

    • Wow... thats crazy, that is a very long time and to just let go like that.

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