Is it okay to talk to exes?

So I have a boyfriend. We've been dating 8 months. I was @ his house and I was playing on his new iPhone. It rang and it was an ex girlfriend who is stationed in N. Carolina. We live in California. It was 1 in the am which makes it 4 am her time. He grabbed the phone and stepped away to answer it. I became upset and got up to leave, I never told him it bothered me. Now its been two days and I feel the tension building. He's been acting a little diff and I don't know if its me or if I'm just paranoid. Is it okay to talk to exes? I don't see what she could possibly want so late at night? How can I confront him and tell him its not cool. Now I'm wondering if she's in town and he hasn't told me? I'm DRIVING Myself crz asking all these questions!? please help?


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What Guys Said 1

  • It really heavily depends on a lot, such as

    * Was the split mutual

    * Was it a clean split

    * Is there a reason to still talk (kids, for instance, or even friendship or mutual friends)

    * Are either of the ex couple broken hearted (trying to 'win' them back)

    And so on.

    For me, all my exes have been 'clean' breaks. That is, there hasn't been a break up in bitterness or hatred, mostly either moving or 'drifting apart' or whatever. Most of my exes I don't talk to. Two of them I talk to very infrequently (say once every 6 months on the phone). One of my exes is actually the best friend of my GF, so I speak to her still very often, and even have gone out with her to the movies and so on when my Girlfriend was at work or something.

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    So you can see, there's no hard rule. You're best bet is to talk to your partner. Ask him if everything is OK with her, then him, then 'us' (you and him), and do so in that order.

    * Her first to show you're not jelous and that you were worried for her, as a caring no jelous girlfriend.

    * Then him, incase something is worrying or effecting your beloved boyfriend that maybe he felt only comfortable talking to an ex about who you are totally not jelous over.

    * Then "us" because you just want to clarrify that you and him are the couple and that she is an external force that you're not jelous over but that, should she ring up again, you'll track her down and tear her inside out.

    ... :D

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    • Very well put. Should I mention something about the late night phone call and ask why he felt the need to step away to answer the call?

    • Playing devil's advocate, maybe he was trying not to annoy you. Where you sleeping? Perhaps that was it. Perhaps she (the other girl) didn't know the time.

      Whatever the case, you'll only find out if you ask him, but do so in such a way as it appears "throw away care" else he'll (likely) just get defensive.

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