Break up advice, depression?

I am a college student going through my first real breakup. Tom* and I started a friendship and grew close quickly as friends when we met. I shared with him I was struggling in some aspects with college. I told him that I wasn't sure what I wanted, but he told me he would always be there. We developed a relationship and began dating. He began to seem controlling to me and wanted to spend all of his time with me. He wanted to move in together when I was going to study abroad, and he never mentioned his support for big change of studying abroad. Not that he had to, but he didn't like the idea. Apparently he was on dating websites when dating.
I broke up with him and studied abroad. When I returned, he snapchatted me when he was drunk. I didn't reply, and soon saw him at a bar. He drunkely kissed me and I asked if we could talk the next day. No response. I knew I missed our friendship, so I tried to do things with him again. I would ask if he'd like to go out to eat. Do things, but the times he would answer me were the times he wanted me to come over and sleep with him. I told him it didn't feel like friendship.
I started to get very angry with him, and I asked if he wanted me to be more to him. He said we were over, but he wanted to be "friends" I cried because it felt like he was using me. I came to his house and got really angry and upset. I caused a scene.
He was also my manager at work, and it hurt that he didn't care. I told him to block me from every social media website, and he told me not to talk to him ever again.
Because I can't communicate with him, I left him a letter by his door. Is this creepy? I explained to him the issues I was having in college and that maybe I wasn't the best girlfriend. I told him I hoped we could meet again and sorry for getting angry. what are your honest opinions on this relationship? I have tried to move on, but I've had zero luck. I'm extremely sad. Please give me insight and advice that is much needed.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Breakups are never easy. The end of a relationship can flip your world upside down and trigger a range of emotions. Some people quickly accept the demise of a relationship and move on, but others may deal with depression.

    This can be a heartbreaking time, and it can feel as if your world is falling apart. But while sadness and a heightened emotional state are normal reactions after a breakup, it’s important to recognize the symptoms of depression.

    Since symptoms of depression can range from mild to severe, it’s often difficult to know whether sadness and grief are a normal reaction to a breakup or a sign of something more serious like depression.

    It’s okay to grieve the loss of a relationship as you begin the healing process. But this doesn’t suggest that every emotion you feel is a normal reaction. There are healthy and unhealthy symptoms of a breakup. Knowing the differences between these symptoms can help you determine whether you’re experiencing depression.

    Healthy symptoms of a breakup may include:

    anger and frustration
    crying and sadness
    fear
    insomnia
    loss of interest in activities

    These symptoms are troublesome. But if you’re experiencing a normal reaction to the breakup, your emotional state will improve little by little as you adjust to life without your partner. The amount of time it takes to heal varies for each person, so be patient.

    While it’s normal to feel sadness and pain after a breakup, you should talk to a doctor if your symptoms don’t start to improve after a few weeks, or if they get worse. To be diagnosed with depression, you must experience at least five of the following nine symptoms for a period of at least two weeks:

    feeling sad, empty, or hopeless for most of the day nearly every day
    loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
    weight loss and loss of appetite, or increase of appetite and weight gain
    sleeping either too little or too much
    an increase in movements like pacing or hand wringing, or having significantly slower speech and movement
    feeling as if you have no energy for most of the day
    feeling worthless
    difficulty concentrating or making decisions
    thoughts about death, also called suicidal ideation
    Depression can happen to anyone after a breakup, but some people are at greater risk. The cause of depression varies, but you may experience these feelings if you have a personal history of depression or another mood disorder.

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    • Other factors that may contribute to depression after a breakup include hormonal changes or simultaneously enduring another major change in your life, such as a job loss or the loss of a loved one.

      What happens if depression goes untreated?
      Recognizing signs of depression after a breakup and getting help for this condition can lower the risk of complications. If left untreated, you may rely on alcohol or drugs to numb emotional pain. Depression also takes a toll on your physical health. You may experience joint pain, headaches, and unexplained stomach pain. Additionally, chronic stress can weaken your immune system and make you more susceptible to infections and illnesses. Emotional eating can cause excessive weight gain and increase your risk for heart disease and diabetes.

      Other complications of depression may include:

      panic attacks
      problems at home, work, or school
      suicidal thoughts

    • Ways to cope with depression that don’t involve professional help include:

      Exercise: Physical activity can strengthen your immune system and boost your energy. Exercise also increases your body’s production of endorphins, which can improve your mood. Aim for 30 minutes of physical activity at least three times a week.

      Keep busy: Explore hobbies and keep your mind occupied. If you’re feeling depressed, read a book, go for a walk, or start a project around the house.

      Get plenty of sleep: Getting plenty of rest can also improve your mental well-being and help you cope after a breakup.

      Hope it helps. 😊

    • I just really want to see him or talk. I miss him a lot and it all hurts. I have not been getting better. Could you give me insight on our relationship?

  • I think you have to stop communicating him and give him time to figure out how he feels about you

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