First breakup emtions?

Question

First breakup emtions?

Xper 5

I broke up with my first love, he was phsyco and emotional abuser, however, all I can remember now is the good moments we had, although he was really bad to me for the last year
Is there anyway I can stop that and do not even care about him anymore,

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sawno | 81 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.
Guru

+1 y

Its normal for him to pop in your mind and be constantly reminded of the good times. Thats your brain making up excuses to get back together.
What is most effective is to shift these thoughts when they end up, for example if you are having a romantic fantasy tell the fantasy him straight in his face what he has done to you and that you are done, walk away and end the fantasy knowing it was a good choice.

This kind of mindcontrol is better then blocking the thoughts entirely, as they will still be processed this way. Its a constant reminder to your subcontious that you are really done with him and wish to move on. Sooner or later your subcontious will follow and you will be free of these thoughts.

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Is this still revelant?
- Nicoli
  
  +1 y
  Will his mind be doing the same?
- sawno
  
  +1 y
  I am not sure, i have no background on how psycopaths handle these types of situations.
  But it is likely he is experiencing the same pain especially if you where the one who broke up.
- Nicoli
  
  +1 y
  He was acting weird. he removed facebook status. removed his comments on my pics and mine on his , delted the pics. although he did not do that with the one before me
  His comments are still on her pic
  And until now I did not get his behvaiour
- Show All Show Less
- sawno
  
  +1 y
  The only point of doing that is if he is hurt, he is trying to distance from you.
  The moment me and the girl i loved seperated i also deleted her on everything and erased every instance of her on my phone so i wouldn't be constantly reminded. I never blocked her though, she always had a chance to come back if she wished to. She did, but sadly it wasn't meant to be.
- Nicoli
  
  +1 y
  Oh sorry to hear
  He left me in the friends list then I got too offended by him deleting every single thing so I unfriended him and do not know if he will ever come back
- sawno
  
  +1 y
  I can sense in your opinion you are secretly still hoping, but keep telling yourself not to. Block him if you must, because if he is manipulative you have to protect yourself against his attempts as i am sure he knows you well enough to convince you he changed (Without actually changing).
- Nicoli
  
  +1 y
  You are right. deep down I do
  I did a lot for him and he never appreciated but do not think he cares or will ever come back
- sawno
  
  +1 y
  What is most important right now is to separate your feelings from the concept of love.
  You can't call someone a psycopath and love them for it, he hurt you and you despise him for it. You absolutely do not love him anymore, but the feelings are attempting to tell you otherwise.
  So no matter how romantic he can be, no matter how good it felt when it comes down to it you hate him for what he has done to you and that is the most important way to shield yourself from what you are currently going trough.
  
  If i am wrong and you figure out you are over exaggerating in your post then what i just said obviously doesn't hold up. But never let your feelings tell you you love someone, they are just there to make you want to be around them. It never says anything on who you love after all you can love your parents with the lack of these feelings you are currently experiencing.
- Nicoli
  
  +1 y
  You are right and he is a physcopath, my family and my friends always say the same about him
  They always said he is no good for me but I never listened
  I could not even remove the status but he did
  I feel that I miss the old him and can not bear the idea of him being with another and forget about my love after saying it was his only true love
  But recently he said he is kinda out of love six months ago which made me surprised when he removed everytging
- sawno
  
  +1 y
  This is a trap many fall to, you love the old him certainly. Which means you love the fantasy he left in your mind. You don't love him though, and every time you think about him you should tell that fantasy in his face he is not the person you thought he was.
- Nicoli
  
  +1 y
  Do you think he might come back?
- sawno
  
  +1 y
  Possibly, he might even be very persistent or angry when he does.
  Whatever you do, don't give in hoping for him to conform to who he used to be.
  If you take him back you should take him back for who he is, which we already established is not the person you love.
- Nicoli
  
  +1 y
  Angry why?
  You are 100% right
Alan180188 | 62 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.
Xper 6

+1 y

rebound relationships or sex, traveling, sex tourism... it wipes your feelings like magic !

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Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You can't force yourself to stop caring or loving someone especially your first love even though you know how bad they are for you. If it was that easy then it wouldn't have been love to begin with. I completely understand what your saying about the only thinking of the good times. But that's how it goes unfortunately hun, when you think of leaving someone you think of all the bad things then when you actually have left them you start missing them and just thinking of all the happy times. But the thoughts you had when you left him are right. The ones your having now are because you are missing him but they will pass. You will fall in love again how you deserve to. Your first love is rarely your only love.

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