Why am I always the one getting my heart ripped out of my chest through my throat and thrown on the ground?

- Here's a good question. What did you learn after the first bad/abusive relationship and how did you use that knowledge to change how you select your next partner?
You're part of the way there, by blaming yourself you're kind of admitting it's partially your fault. It's very, VERY easy to get caught up with people telling you that it's not your fault and that he's just an asshole and he did it to you, and you're just innocent.
But the reality is that you get to pick who you date, so you need to screen people for being assholes. So again it goes back to what criteria do you use to pick your partners with? Is it how good they look, how attractive they are, how much money they have or how fit/toned they are? In which case you're making a mistake.
If you want to be treated right then you need to date good people, I mean that literally, people who are virtuous. So look for signs of virtue, are they a good person? How do you know that? How do you account for the fact they might just be treating you nice because they want to get into your pants?0|00|0Is this still revelant?I took all those things into consideration, but people change or they don't show their colors for awhile
I don't think people do change, I think it's more likely they put up a front to impress you or win you over, and then eventually they can't keep that up anymore you see the true them.
See you know this stuff, you just need to change how you approach judging potential partners why. Start asking yourself how it is you know the next person you date is good or not and could that just be fake to impress you.
Like for example, if someone does charity work, or helps their community out voluntarily, and they've done that for years, long before they met you, then that's a great example. You can't really fake that.- Show All Show Less
Really? Considering what you wrote as the title of this thread, it seems to suggest a kind of repetition to this. if that's really the case, then owning up that you've not made good judgement will only benefit you, because it'll allow you to then adjust and improve which will only serve you better in future.
18 is young though, it takes time, it's a skill like anything else.
- First things first, a relationship is something build 2 people. I dont say can only be your fault, but can be both or even only his fault. The moment you dont feel okay with the relationship, the problem isn't u, can be him, and is really easy people with low confident blame themself. I can't say there is something like "the ideal partner". That's bullshit. The problem about falling to easily is just your low confident or your "need for affection". If u give to yourself a year to deal better with your own person, u will become much more stronger.0|00|0Is this still revelant?
But say I met this guy and everything we did and talked about made him seem like we were meant for each other and then one day it's just over? Like it feels like it shouldn't have been that easy to say goodbye.
I can't say exactly what is in his head, but i can express what can be. Probably he lost the interest in you since the "butterflies" had gone. If he said goodbye so easily, i can only see interest, not love.
That's what I feared... but at the same time like he said it was one of the best relationships he'd ever been in.
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Honestly there is such "best relationships" in my opinion. Every relation leaves a mark, bad or good, that make us change. And one of best in which point? Being true to each other? Having a lot of space for each one?
I never cheated on him. Every other person he dated cheated on him. It was hard because we didn't live in the same state but we made it work.
Long distance relationships are fuck up..
Is hard keep one of this up. There is always the desire to see each other, but is so hard keep it up. In my relations, long distance in this case, i never lost the interest but at some point u feel heavy with the feels and sometimes u just think to yourself is better finish this. Every people have their own point of view.He could be more honest with that. But in that way he is only hidding something that makes him feel guilty about. For sure u're with a lot of questions and feeling is your own fault. Try re-talk with him, you have nothing to lose.
And so? Questions dont hurt. And for sure u want to clear out those questions inside of you.
Dont fear it.He gonna feel fool and start to get all uncomfortable if he dont reply. And isn't like you are asking him to talk back again. Be direct. If he dont reply.. well u need to keep going on and put those questions apart.
We've been broken up for six months but we continued doing things and talking. He just started seeing another girl.
The point he date somebody else and stop talk to you, u better just keep going. And one more question, u dont love yourself right?
Ik the feel. U feel more valuable when ure with somebody. But when alone u just feel like almost nothing.
Spend this time u have with yourself to explore more about yourself. Find a hobby, travel, find new people, etc. Try go to the gym or do daily exercises too, is really great to build your coinfidence.
Girls are those who control this world after all x)U dont need but probably i would feel embarrassed xD
Anyone could talk with you and help u out after allI was about to ask how the fuckk u are a private person since u just talked like a open book 😅
Well, my name is Jose. But im not mexican or neither a hurricane, but i can keep things spicy and messy. #takeAsJokePlsWell Jose. My name is mckenzie. And if you aren't Mexican nor a hurricane, what are you? 😂
Neither, just sometimes with well timing situations. And probably i shouldn't mess around with hurricane jokes :/
Gay or European, which one u think? 😅Well it's better to make light of it than to dwell on the bad. Is it bad if I say both?
Dunno, people this days are sensitive to everythings. In other hand i just joke around with this kind of situations
If u say both ure half correct x)Why people think im gay honestly? XD
Yes, im european and live in portugal. And portugal isn't spainJust cause is a girlish way doesn't mean is gay >_>
Better that talk like: yo girl 😊😊 ure so good body looking 😤😤 can we ✊🍆💦?
An American that knows portugal isn't spain? For sure u dont skip geography classes. XD
And from what state ure?Portugal as nothing, or is me that dont see nothing in my country honestly.
aren't those states being affected by wildfires? (I dont know nothing about us, i just watch the news)Yeah we have 81 wildfires going on in the northwest and hurricanes in the south. Yeah that's how I am about the US too
Would be better if already know the stereotype, but i got the incest joke.
Yes im, made it yesterdayThe beard make me look older. Without it i look 16 almost -_-
I need to show my ID? XDI dont go to bares neither x)
Yeh.. like that pre teen beard since i shaved some days beforeSometimes i do some tasks like buy tobaco for my roommates and the people in shopping normally ask by my ID and even to make sure they check my birthday twice.. 😑
And damm thank u#feelingShyCauseDontGetComplainsVeryOften
1.83cm, but since u guys use.. ft? I really dont know my heighHeight*
Yes, alcool is at 16. But well.. i always said when i have 30 i gonna look like 20 or something like datWell i need to go. I have a dog to walk and to shopping too. We can always talk later if ure still on 😊
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019- You sound desperate for acceptance. Unloving upbringing so you look for it with guys. You'll never find it coz of your desperation. Men sense that and manipulate you for sex coz thats all men really want. You need to be happy with you first before anybody else will be. by the way at your age there is no men. It's all wee boys. You've never met a real man before. Boys your age have still got a schoolboy mentality. I used to be one myself and I remember all the lies I told to girls to get them naked. If the bullshit coming out of his mouth sounds too good to be true then it probably is. Even if it makes you feel good reject it. Women are easy to manipulate coz they're so obvious. I see a woman who put a lot of effort into her appearance the first thing I call her is beautiful. Right away she's receptive and eager for more praise. I say this because women are convinced men are stupid, we're not, most of us are very cunning and smart. That's why a lot of women always end up used and hurt. They get played like a fiddle0|20|0
Yeah my father, 58, still acts like a child. But it's not the age. It's what they've done.
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Rapes a helluva thing to deal with. I heard it's the feeling of helplessness more than anything that hurts the most. Realising somebody can do what they to you when they want and you can't stop them. It destroys a lot of fantasies you had about yourself being tough and independent. Girls like you always end up promiscuous like I said. Desperately looking for love and acceptance and just getting used and abused more and more. You'll end up hating men if you carry on like this. I've known girls like you, sexually abused as kids, raped, looking for love and never finding it. They actually seek out men they know are going to hurt them subconsciously like they hate themselves and want to punish themselves coz they think they deserve to be treated like shit. Good guys who show interest actually disgust them. They want to be used by men
That's not me at all. I know what to look for and what not to look for. I'm not promiscuous I don't throw myself at guys. Or girls. I'm not a whore or a slut. I'm not like other girls.
- Wait until it happens to you @ my age? I'm not saying it's going to but, it sometimes does. It doesn't get easier but, you'll know how to cope better. Without knowing you , I can reassure you that it doesn't have to be you all time because I know it wasn't me in my marriage that failed.0|00|0
Shit happens for a reason I suppose. Her subsequent husband died so I'm not the unlucky one you might say, lol. Not to downplay or make fun of his death but, I heard he wouldn't stop drinking and he suffered liver failure.
- I hope u can sit back relax and really try to answer that question police things have already happened to you at this age I don't want to imagine what's going to happen when you get older do you think it's your fault or do you think it's both individual fault if you do this right this is the start of the most happiest times in your life you don't need to have any guy beat up on you yell scream or touch you in any form of matter0|00|0
Why would it be my fault? And nothing is going to happen when I get older. I know the signs now.
No im just asking. Becauae if u would have said yes i would have said nooo its never your fault. That a man puts his hands on u
Oh. No. I mean at the time I did. But then I realized that it wasn't. Because it should never be the victims fault.
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Well it should never happen I don't care what's going on in people's live when something happens there's nothing bad enough that you have to put your hands on your girlfriend or boyfriend and try to hurt them
- Because you let it happen. #victimblaming
Nah it's just that you guys you end up dating are dicks, although there is also a chance you're just super-demanding (seen that before)0|00|0It's easier to find *stable* relationships at around 20-21 though.
in my opinion people at 17-19 have no idea wtf they're doing yet- Show All Show Less
Haha, sometimes you still need to compromise.
Or just find someone else. I dunno. Honestly, I shouldn't even be giving advice at this point.Haha lol. No I appreciate it. But I mean that's what relationships are too, is compromise.
- well , I think you need to know the people you choose to enter into a relationship with a little better0|00|0
and yes I've been there and done that and the pain is like in the bottom of my heart , it's like nervousness
It's like a heart wrenching pain. I was sobbing and it felt like I was falling. It fucking sucks. And I do know the people I date. But people change and don't show they're true colors right out of the gate.
- thaven't stopped on your heart after they threw it on the ground0|00|0
- Your fair share? You're 18. You been fucking straight out the womb?0|00|0
Alright so stop jumping from body to body. Take a break. Maybe wait until you and the bones you're jumping are adults. No offense.
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No offense kid, seriously. But if you've just barely been 18 and you can sincerely say you've had your "fair share" of anything at all, you're doing something wrong. Take a step back and just.. look upon yourself and your life. Anyone at your age saying "fair share" has been on a bloody sprint since birth
And there's the proof I needed you're no adult. If you can't simply say "fuck off and thanks" you aren't grown yet.
Heed my advice. Please? ;PI was raped at 13, 15, 16, and 17. Twice by boyfriends who had been abusive. It's not like I go out looking for people who are assholes. I'm a sucker for good looking people who seem nice at first but then I get in way too deep before I can get out. So thank you for judging my life before you even know me.
Alright. Doesn't change a thing. Take a break. Look at your life. Pinpoint where what went wrong did. If you're expecting sympathy from me because you were raped you're barking up the wrong tree. I've been sexually abused and so has half of everyone I've ever loved. You've no pity from me.
- because you place your happiness in someone else's ugly hands instead of your beautiful own0|00|0
- To give me all your love is all I ever had cause what you don't understand is id catch a grenade for ya.0|00|0
Jump in front of a train for ya, put my hand on a blade for ya, you know I'd do anything for ya. Ooooo I would go through all this pain, take a bullet straight through my brain.
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What should I do too make her feel better about her decision while also letting her know what she did was wrong? come on, there will always be someone who cares, because you share things in common.
i was just trying to talk about you, from my perspective.. don't look for love, or boyfriends, they are just sexually attracted, look for friends, that will accept you (the way you look without clothes hair..) and understand you, if you're not religious, you will find somebody like this.
we should be friends. i am not religious, i won't stare all day in a holy book, i will look at you. i am not beautiful/decent looking, but i hope you'll respect me. send me a private message, let's chat about love
Will you PM me cuz I don't have enough of the points... and I bet you're pretty good looking
you need to follow me, because you blocked the private messages from people who you are not following, i am not good looking by the way, don't assume things, i am honest
- You girl, I am sorry for you. You will find someone who is worthy of you.0|00|0
- Yaa , it happen you're of soft heart , easily trust people , then it's cause ,🙂🙂🙂0|00|0
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Listen , ok , you can do that , you have the capability , you want to do but , you fear of failure , always be positive , i know , just take 3 deep breaths , and then tell me ,😊😊😊😊
- Just hang in there when the right guy comes along you'll know0|00|0
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No worries its ok I've been in lots if relationships trust me they dont always stick
I was with a girl i was in love i would have moved the moon and stars for her then one day i got a text that said "i need space and i dont want to see you any more" then she would text me every 2 or 3 months wanting to grab lunch and hang out we'd fuck then shed leave and not talk to me for 2 or 3 more months
Yeah. That's how me and him were. We broke up and continued to do things and I thought we get back together
I've been a lot of places to but I've never been to Florida. Also, sorry it took so long to reply. Also when you get a chance you should go. It's so nice
- Love is temporary. One ends and the other starts. Don't be sad.0|00|0
Yeah but when you're both ready for a committed relationship, it makes one think it'll go somewhere.
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No its not name. Meaning of my name is "original". You can find now. I live in touristic place in Turkey.
Or university. Only here we call it college. Even though I go to Boise state university
College okay understand. :D i go to Aegean University. After two years it will finish.
- Becaue you have a heart. Don't have one, it'll make life easier.0|10|0
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Why does every guy assume that when a girl is broken hearted it's because she's a whore? Or slut?
Whores get paid, sluts don't.
Because when a woman is heart broken they go and hop from dick to dick trying to find happynessLook you're 34 I'm 18. Most girls that age don't keep they're legs closed. I appreciated the "advice" but I keep my legs close anyway
Then why are bitching about heart break? I know a lot of women my age that don't sleep around.
I'm not bitching. Heart break doesn't coincide with sex! I've been a very meaningful relationships, and when we broke up it hurts because it was so real and so good. I could care less about the sex factor. All the boyfriends I've had I've only willingly slept with one. But I've only been sexual with three of them. So again. Why does heart break have to involve sex?
- it's your fault0|00|0
because the guy is super nice but YOU can't maintain it
you said it yourself
also stop being so hostile, first impressions matter and what i can understand from you is... it IS your fault, summed down in one sentence.First what I meant by I can't maintain, is like I can't seem to be in a relationship for longer. And the guy is nice at first. But how is it my fault for getting abused?
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I'm honestly not sure, I don't have much to work with, but I'll give it my best shot.
So, How is it your fault for getting abused? I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you do nothing wrong, but you still get get hit (by abused I'm guessing you mean physical abuse). That is not your fault as you can't know what's going on in the other person's head, it's really just bad luck and I hope you take my good-for-nothing prayers because I really do wish you the best. It's probably not your fault for getting hit, it's their fault, but I mean you are the one asking for it as you chose to be with them. You'll disagree with me, but if this constantly happens which you make it seem like it does, then yeah you sort of are asking for it because they're the type of people you like, right?
i hope this makes sense to youIt's not like I'm trying to find these people. It takes a while for someone to show their true colors in a relationship.
yeah i guess so, but think about it this way: if the person actually liked you, they'd want to be and stay in a relationship with you, so they wouldn't do anything that would harm you, but because they don't like u, they really don't care about the relationship meaning they think that hitting u is fine.
In my opinion, sortaThat I agree with, but guys are charming and can turn it on and off like a light switch.
That's true. I like to think there's some guys out there that aren't completely assholes
don't worry though, there's no guy out there that isn't an asshole 👍 hope that makes you happy 😊
Well I mean. I like honesty, but like... there's gotta be some guys in the world who aren't assholes and not after sex right?
well... maybe 1000 people out of 100 thousand. now we have to consider if you'd be compatible with them, that leaves 2 people.
yeah i guess it would be worth it. key word: "guess". I haven't ever been in a relationship, rip
Yeah, but what helps me sleep at night is that i know that there are starving kids dying from starvation and lack of clean water.
- Stop falling in love0|00|0
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- Anonymous+1 yMe too right now0|00|0
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