Why am I always the one getting my heart ripped out of my chest through my throat and thrown on the ground?

I've been in my fair share of awful relationships, abusive ones, not healthy, definitely not fun ones, and I've only been in two where the guy is super nice but for some reason I can't seem to maintain the relationship for more than six months. I blame myself, but at the same time, I ask myself was it really me? I fall in love too easily which makes the heartbreak worse. Anyone feel the same?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • First things first, a relationship is something build 2 people. I dont say can only be your fault, but can be both or even only his fault. The moment you dont feel okay with the relationship, the problem isn't u, can be him, and is really easy people with low confident blame themself. I can't say there is something like "the ideal partner". That's bullshit. The problem about falling to easily is just your low confident or your "need for affection". If u give to yourself a year to deal better with your own person, u will become much more stronger.

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    • But say I met this guy and everything we did and talked about made him seem like we were meant for each other and then one day it's just over? Like it feels like it shouldn't have been that easy to say goodbye.

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    • Okay! Have fun walking and shopping! Talk to you later.

    • Later 😊

What Guys Said 20

  • Here's a good question. What did you learn after the first bad/abusive relationship and how did you use that knowledge to change how you select your next partner?

    You're part of the way there, by blaming yourself you're kind of admitting it's partially your fault. It's very, VERY easy to get caught up with people telling you that it's not your fault and that he's just an asshole and he did it to you, and you're just innocent.

    But the reality is that you get to pick who you date, so you need to screen people for being assholes. So again it goes back to what criteria do you use to pick your partners with? Is it how good they look, how attractive they are, how much money they have or how fit/toned they are? In which case you're making a mistake.

    If you want to be treated right then you need to date good people, I mean that literally, people who are virtuous. So look for signs of virtue, are they a good person? How do you know that? How do you account for the fact they might just be treating you nice because they want to get into your pants?

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    • I took all those things into consideration, but people change or they don't show their colors for awhile

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    • That's true. And I've gotten pretty good at reading people.

    • Really? Considering what you wrote as the title of this thread, it seems to suggest a kind of repetition to this. if that's really the case, then owning up that you've not made good judgement will only benefit you, because it'll allow you to then adjust and improve which will only serve you better in future.

      18 is young though, it takes time, it's a skill like anything else.

  • You sound desperate for acceptance. Unloving upbringing so you look for it with guys. You'll never find it coz of your desperation. Men sense that and manipulate you for sex coz thats all men really want. You need to be happy with you first before anybody else will be. by the way at your age there is no men. It's all wee boys. You've never met a real man before. Boys your age have still got a schoolboy mentality. I used to be one myself and I remember all the lies I told to girls to get them naked. If the bullshit coming out of his mouth sounds too good to be true then it probably is. Even if it makes you feel good reject it. Women are easy to manipulate coz they're so obvious. I see a woman who put a lot of effort into her appearance the first thing I call her is beautiful. Right away she's receptive and eager for more praise. I say this because women are convinced men are stupid, we're not, most of us are very cunning and smart. That's why a lot of women always end up used and hurt. They get played like a fiddle

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    • Correction: I've dated guys above 18. And it's more complicated than all that.

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    • Rapes a helluva thing to deal with. I heard it's the feeling of helplessness more than anything that hurts the most. Realising somebody can do what they to you when they want and you can't stop them. It destroys a lot of fantasies you had about yourself being tough and independent. Girls like you always end up promiscuous like I said. Desperately looking for love and acceptance and just getting used and abused more and more. You'll end up hating men if you carry on like this. I've known girls like you, sexually abused as kids, raped, looking for love and never finding it. They actually seek out men they know are going to hurt them subconsciously like they hate themselves and want to punish themselves coz they think they deserve to be treated like shit. Good guys who show interest actually disgust them. They want to be used by men

    • That's not me at all. I know what to look for and what not to look for. I'm not promiscuous I don't throw myself at guys. Or girls. I'm not a whore or a slut. I'm not like other girls.

  • I hope u can sit back relax and really try to answer that question police things have already happened to you at this age I don't want to imagine what's going to happen when you get older do you think it's your fault or do you think it's both individual fault if you do this right this is the start of the most happiest times in your life you don't need to have any guy beat up on you yell scream or touch you in any form of matter

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    • Why would it be my fault? And nothing is going to happen when I get older. I know the signs now.

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    • Well it should never happen I don't care what's going on in people's live when something happens there's nothing bad enough that you have to put your hands on your girlfriend or boyfriend and try to hurt them

    • Thank you.

  • Wait until it happens to you @ my age? I'm not saying it's going to but, it sometimes does. It doesn't get easier but, you'll know how to cope better. Without knowing you , I can reassure you that it doesn't have to be you all time because I know it wasn't me in my marriage that failed.

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    • Im really sorry Robins.. hell It hurts enough now and we werent even married

    • Shit happens for a reason I suppose. Her subsequent husband died so I'm not the unlucky one you might say, lol. Not to downplay or make fun of his death but, I heard he wouldn't stop drinking and he suffered liver failure.

  • Because you let it happen. #victimblaming

    Nah it's just that you guys you end up dating are dicks, although there is also a chance you're just super-demanding (seen that before)

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    • I'm like the least demanding person ever!

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    • There's no winning with you is there?

    • Sure there is, just gotta be somewhere in the middle ground :D

  • well , I think you need to know the people you choose to enter into a relationship with a little better

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    • and yes I've been there and done that and the pain is like in the bottom of my heart , it's like nervousness

    • It's like a heart wrenching pain. I was sobbing and it felt like I was falling. It fucking sucks. And I do know the people I date. But people change and don't show they're true colors right out of the gate.

  • Becaue you have a heart. Don't have one, it'll make life easier.

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    • It feels like I don't have one anymore.

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    • Then why are bitching about heart break? I know a lot of women my age that don't sleep around.

    • I'm not bitching. Heart break doesn't coincide with sex! I've been a very meaningful relationships, and when we broke up it hurts because it was so real and so good. I could care less about the sex factor. All the boyfriends I've had I've only willingly slept with one. But I've only been sexual with three of them. So again. Why does heart break have to involve sex?

  • Stop falling in love

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  • To give me all your love is all I ever had cause what you don't understand is id catch a grenade for ya.

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    • Jump in front of a train for ya, put my hand on a blade for ya, you know I'd do anything for ya. Ooooo I would go through all this pain, take a bullet straight through my brain.

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    • Well people have there own opinions. And I did follow you.

    • it's ok, you don't need to follow me back, i fixed the issue

  • You girl, I am sorry for you. You will find someone who is worthy of you.

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  • Your fair share? You're 18. You been fucking straight out the womb?

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    • I'm bi... but yes I've had my fair share.

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    • I can't pinpoint where it went wrong because I blame myself even though I shouldn't

    • So... you done assuming shit?

  • thaven't stopped on your heart after they threw it on the ground

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  • Yeah.

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  • it's your fault

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    • How the fuck is it my fault?

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    • That's not a good thing

    • It sure isn't

  • Love is temporary. One ends and the other starts. Don't be sad.

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  • because you place your happiness in someone else's ugly hands instead of your beautiful own

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  • Always a few frogs before you find the one. Be positive and make the most of life..

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  • Yaa , it happen you're of soft heart , easily trust people , then it's cause ,🙂🙂🙂

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  • Just hang in there when the right guy comes along you'll know

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  • Me too right now

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