What does it mean when he says he wants to be alone right now and that it has nothing to do with me?

We've been together 2 years and have been through a lot. Family deaths, one miscarriage (our child), etc. We hadn't spoken in 3 days, so I texted him and called once. Eventually he texted back that it has nothing to do with me, he just wants to be alone right now. I said ok, do you mean alone as in single, or alone as in you need some space for the time being? He didn't answer, so I said "ok well take care. If you need any help with anything in the future don't hesitate to ask." He said "thanks, LOVE YOU." I assume he did the bs break up, but what's with the "LOVE YOU" shenanigans? He's almost 40, and I'm 34, so this is absurd behavior, probably on both of our parts.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Oooo "Do you mean alone as in single" >_< Man that'd spike my stress meter if my girlfriend said that when I needed some alone time. When I'm really stressed - which I have been a lot recently with family deaths happening in my life too, I feel the need to... Just be in silence - to just stop thinking and relax. I tend to sleep a lot during those times. If I had my girl with me I wish I could just lay in bed holding her for hours in silence. But saying something so spiteful like "Do you mean alone as in single" during a stressful time - I wouldn't blame him if he were to consider breaking up or not wanting to continue that conversation. As a boyfriend I'm sure he's not considering your feelings or needs enough in regards to just any attention you may need - but in a time like this where both of you are probably grieving and full of fatigue and stress - you should just try to be understanding of each other.

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    • I wasn't asking it spitefully I was asking for clarification because I honestly didn't know, but I can see now how it could be interpreted that way.

    • The wording feels very spiteful - and wording is important. Have you ever heard of those consoling sessions where people are asked to talk like "I feel (Blank) when (Blank) happens" - rather than wording that somewhat attacks your partner.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I really don't understand this kind of behaviour. Who goes days without speaking in a committed relationship?
    I'd have no issue with them needing space; but define what that is. Does he need space away just from me, or from everyone in general? How long can I expect him to need space for? What does he expect when he's finished needing space? Once those are answered I'd feel equipped to give him what he needed.
    Without it, I'd tell him I consider the relationship over and that I wish him all the best for the future

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    • Those were exactly my thoughts as well. My "take care" text was basically my "goodbye, I'm done with this behavior" text. I should have put it more explicitly, but if he truly is feeling just incredibly terrible right now I didn't want to make it worse. If he attempts contact again, which I doubt, I will be more clear. I'm moving on from this.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Men deal with stress and emotions differently then women, we generally like to go off on our own and work through them and compartmentalize them. Don't take it personally, its just part of the male healing process.

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    • I understand that, but my issue more lies with the fact that I just needed a little clarification of what was going on, considering this is/was a long-term relationship and it affects my life too. I don't need his full emotional rundown, but I do feel that I deserve to know if he's breaking up with me or simply needing space. That's all. His inability to do that was a deal breaker for me, I suppose.

  • He likely just needs some time alone.
    It definitely doesn't sound like a break up. More like a solitary thing. Likely to think about something serious.

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  • Definitely banging someone else

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