I met a sadist, and I didn't realize that some men just liked to try to find good women to hurt them. Not just use them for sex but to just make them feel bad for it after, and go out of their way to do so. And then to even abuse them even worse for wanting to get out of the situation. The guy borderline coerced me into sex ( beign forceful and making me too scared to say no, or feel like he wouldn't like me or i was doing something wrong if i didnt) me into sex with him knowing I was a virgin and I wanted to be in love with someone. Once I realized what he did I cut everything off, but he used my religious background and virginity as a way to make me feel like I should still talk to him and then abused me emotionally for it and didn't have sex with me again and strung me along, just for fun.
I dont have the cpaapcity to waste someones time and I would respect their need for love.
I am healing after it. But to be honest it feels just as horrific and lousy as he intended. I had nothing but love for him but he seemed to have the capacity to love stripped from him and hate for women so i feel sorry for him but I aside from time I am trying to see what will heal myself. I feel traumatized. I am better than before, I dont have the urge to talk to him and if I saw him again I would run, because he intended to coerce me into sex and manipulated me knowing i was lonely and i wanted to be with someone, in fact he traveled hours away so he could do this.
I am having a hard time coping with the fact that i met a person like that who actually found where i lived (I was supposed to meet him somewhere to scope him out and he showed up at my school dorm. Everything would be fine if he left me alone but he after harassed me abused me after and i didn't even realize it.