Should I cheat? (Hear me out)

My boyfriend is going to join the marines and be gone for months at a time. His sex drive is insane; he has immense amounts of p*rn, he's told me all about the sex with his ex (and how I'm far, FAR better in every way and it's not even comparable) he points out every single girl he thinks is hot, and he wants to be able to sleep with other girls now.

That almost makes sense to me--I mean, I doubt this guy could go for seven months without sex. We've been together for almost four years now, and I know he's not going to change, but this has been a constant issue for us this entire time.

I make him sound like a jerk, but he's sacrificed a whole lot to be with me, and other than this there's never been any reason to doubt that he loves me. He's the best friend I've ever had, and I can pretty safely say he's the love of my life. I'd never put up with this from anyone else, but I'm starting to wonder if I can deal with it for the rest of my life, since we've started talking about marriage.

He has this idiotic double standard where I'm being a traitor if I so much as kiss another guy. In any other circumstance that would make sense, but when I've tried to point out that he's being a piece of crap, he refuses to understand. I've tried to leave him, and he refuses to let go. He's not abusive--he's never said an unkind word to me, and he does everything within his power to keep me happy.

My confidence is starting to suffer, and I'm starting to get jealous because he's the only guy I've ever been with, and sex is still pretty f*cking special to me. There's no chance of him letting me sleep with other guys, and it's almost guaranteed a guy will cheat if he's gone for months on end. I'm getting insecure and psychotic, and I think it might help to be with someone else just once, because this isn't fair.

At this point, I'm still looking for any other way for this to work out, but I'm stubborn and so is he. I'm not comfortable with just sitting around at home, totally devoted to him when he's not to me. Maybe the marines will change him--I doubt you can come back from something like that the same. Then again, maybe he'll see things differently if I'm loyal to him for as long as it takes for him to come home. I'm conflicted.

Updates:
All right, I'm not going to cheat. I didn't really believe it was acceptable in the first place, but I'm not sure what I should do.
Thanks everyone, but I think I'll just learn to deal with this somehow. It's not worth losing him.
Let me just make it clear that he HAS cheated (once ever in his life, but it's happened) and specifically asked if it was OK to sleep with other girls. Alone for months, it's pretty much a guarantee it will happen.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If he is around girls that are available... I will be very hard for him to resist. I think you have to settle this before he leaves. You have to or it will be messy. he made a choice to go to the marines but he must understand that it is a big sacrifice for you and not every body is ready and is bound to make this sacrifice.

    Or else if he really loves you he shoudl leavethe whole marine thing and stay with you . Why do you have to be the one that sacrifice for him while he is just persuing his goals? A year is a lot. He is expecting you to sit there and never ever kiss or think of a guy for a year!

    This needs to be settled now or else it would be messy if any of you discover stuff while you are apart. Even if you .. on your own .. decide not to be with any body during this period.. at least these isn't the pressure of any of you to be only for each other. You are free and he is free.

    Somebody with such a high drive is hard to control. Even though he is a good guy .. men by nature want to spread their seed. good or bad the same.

    I don't think the marines will change him.. may be will make him more serious but it wil not stop his balls filling with sperm!

    Dont be scared... sex and intimicy are your rights and years on is not normal. If it is HIS dream to join the marines then may be he should have done it while single. You are not married to him and he is not some sort of enlisted officer that has had his history there when you met him. It is an active choice and he is dragging you in it.

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    • Were you ever in the military?

    • No... but I don't think that the Military changes men in that sense. I would say it makes men more horney lol

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Cheating is the worst thing someone can does.

    Even in your case I don't see why you should cheat. Cheating kills every trust in a relationship.

    You described his sex drive as 'insane', well but you also mentioned that this guy loves you and you even talked about marriage and he's sacrifiecing a lot. Shouldn't you think at first that he just use his hands while he's away (to masturbate of course)?

    Well you have just this one guy in your lifetime as your boyfriend.So? Where is the problem?You should be happy. Many girls/guys searching the perfect partner and they need much time to find them and often get hurt.

    So instead of thinking how you can cheat or get more experience you should trust him, believe in a future together because this is actually the reason of a relationship isn't it?

    Just speak with him seriously what's going on in your mind. Let him swear by your life/his life/his penis (because of his sex drive) that he won't cheat.

    In those cases relationshis are tested. Is your relationship strong enough?

    I think so because you two stayed together for four years.

    I wish you good luck and never cheat. There is no apology for cheating.

    btw. If you cheat and get caught by your boyfriend, what would be your peg?

    Especially if he didn't cheat...

    Just think about my words.

    Be loyal.

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    • Wise words... I'll try to trust him. I'm not set back much if he breaks it.

      By the way, what's a peg, and why would I need one?

    • Peg mhhh also 'plea'....means if you try to save yourself with words even though you and he know that you did something wrong. (my dictionary said this to me...:-O I'm not an english nativespeaker)

      You need one because if he didn't cheat you have to explain yourself why you did it.

      I hope you understand me....

      Glad to hear that you'll try it at least. AND if he REALLY cheats, run from him, not just leaving, really RUN. Because then he doesn't deserve you.Not a bit.

      Good luck...

  • You've made the best choice. If you cheated, you'd be putting emphasis on the wrong part of the relationship. If you cheated, there's some question as to your devotion to him and your fidelity to what you have.

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    • My thinking was that he's already unfaithful (or plans to be, and doesn't understand why that should hurt) and it's too unfair for me to just accept that.

      But you're right, and I know better.

  • Ok lets assume that you do premptively cheat and it turns out all along that he had no intention or desire to cheat, who's the bad guy? Why would you put yourself in that position out of an insecurity you have deep within? He's also not the only guy in the world with a raging sex drive. Every guy is different obviously, but its sort of wrong to say that you've seen or heard about OTHER guys doing something similar, and since he's sort of the same type he might do it too.

    Also, he is going to join the Marines. There is not only no time for him to get laid while in basic, but there is no opportunity as well. Men are separate from women, end of story. When he comes back, then leaves again for SOI he's probably still separated from the women. When he is assigned somewhere, then you most likely will go with him. If he is deployed, he'll have more to worry about than cheating on you.

    That's my $0.02

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    • He's already expressed the desire. More than the desire. He wonders why I could possibly have a problem with it since he loves me, I shouldn't be insecure as he has sex with someone else. He's guaranteed to cheat if he gets the opportunity.

    • Well then I'd say the best course isn't to take an eye for an eye, but to think about if he's really as committed and worthwhile as you think. It'll be hard to think about it if you are as close to him as you say, but you need to think about what's best. Do you deserve to be cheated on?

What Girls Said 8

  • Cheating is never acceptable even in this case. I think you either need to make a decision. If you want to stick with him then do so but if you can't handle his ways then it's time to move on. Personally, I would move on. The marines will not change him.

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  • If you can't handle a month how are you going to handle a year or more when he is gone? and just cause he is leaving does not guaranteed he will cheat on you or do anything else with someone else. and what's not fair? that he is leaving to go into the marines and not staying with you... If you don't want to do this then dump him don't cheat, being in the marines is hard enough on a person and you want to make it worse by cheating on him.

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    • What do you mean by "if you can't handle a month"? The problem is that I know I can be faithful. He's cheated once before, but that was three years ago, and the guilt nearly killed him. I'm just 90% sure he won't be for more than a year apart, and he wants me to be OK with that. I would be, but he wants to get started now.

      If he really thinks the marines are what's right for him I'll totally support him, and I don't want to leave him. This is just putting an unnecessary strain on things.

  • honestly the best thing would be to end the relationship. As a marine you can't be his first priority anymore and two people discussing whether they can cheat or not is an unhealthy relationship. both if you should follow your seperate paths for awhile and if your meant to be in a committed relationship then it will happen when your both ready. Save yourselves the guilt, anger and pain.

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  • No, you might love him he might love you but love doesnyt cheat. Think when you join the military ot could be life or death. And what you say or do can upset them when they are already faced with being lonely and afraid and friends dying and disappearing. You can still tlk to him write to him but do not cheat even if he cheats on you sometimes they come home messed up... you do not want to becomes like hiom love does not cheat, insult, disrespect or challenge so leave him your young he's young if he's cheated once he'll cheat again.

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  • trust is the most important thing in a relationship and if you can't trust him yall shouldn't be together...

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  • why be in a relationship if that's what its like. he doesn't love you if he wants other girls, and if you loved him you wouldn't even think about cheating. its like your trying to get payback for something your assuming he will do. don't build a relationship on games. My advice is to break up for the time he's gone, experience what you both want and when he gets back you can talk about if you even want to get back together, but right now this doesn't seem like a very good relationship.

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    • First of all, he's going to do it. He's told me he wants to, and doesn't see why he shouldn't. If he doesn't, it's because he didn't have the opportunity, and that's a pretty hollow reason to be faithful.

      I'm not trying to get payback. I don't want to hurt him, but short of abandoning him right before he's off to risk his life so I can go have sex with other guys, I don't know what I should do. I don't want to be bitter, and I think this might help.

  • your boyfriend sounds like a total asshole. why lower yourself to his level and cheat? at the most you will hurt his ego and pride but it won't like mess him up or anything because most likely he's doing the same thing to you and doesn't really care about you. your best bet is to leave the guy and never look back and act like he isn't worth sh*t to you. you say its not worth losing him but from everything he does, how is this guy worth it? you really sound like you're willing to settle for less. if you think that's all you deserve then go ahead and stay with him, just don't complain when he does something to hurt you because you knew what it was and chose to stay. he points out hot girls and wants to have sex with other women while he's with you but you think he loves you? do you know what real love is because its not that

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    • When I say he's sacrificed a lot, I mean it. I won't go into detail, but he humiliated himself and nearly got himself arrested to prove it. He spends every free moment with me. He saw me through the worst time in my life. I treated him like absolute sh*t, and still he stuck by me and tried to understand what I was going through when all but two friends abandoned me. He nearly lost his job just to spend some extra time with me.

      I think that's what real love is, more so because we're not perfect.

    • Well that is good and I don't want to undermine what he has done, but just because he has done all that doesn't give him the right to treat you that way. you know you don't like it so why should you have to deal with it? relationships are about respect. maybe you should talk to him and see if he will change his behavior. he most likely won't but honestly sometimes love isn't enough. you don't have to be perfect but come on what he is doing is so not acceptable.

  • No! Don't cheat. Are you absolutely sure he's cheated on you? If he has I think that's reason to leave him, not cheat too. That doesn't make sense that he would cheat and expect you to stay devoted. His sex drive isn't an excuse.

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    • It's not that simple. I couldn't see myself marrying anyone else, and the fact that he was horny at one point doesn't negate everything I love about him, and everything he's done to prove he loves me, too. Meh. :\

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    • ...But if we find out we were when it's too late, then what?

    • Well what would make it "too late"? I dunno, you're taking a risk by ending it, but I think it's a risk worth taking and you definitely shouldn't cheat.

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