I want him back, but he still needs time?

So in a nutshell, I pushed my amazing boyfriend away and he left me in mid-June. I know I treated him poorly and have tried everything possible to get him back since he broke up with me. He has said so many times that he needs time and space, yet we text every 3-4 days...he says he still loves me, but I hurt him and he is still angry and disappointed in me. He tells me over and over to be patient and that in time things will work themselves out. He says he isn't ready to go back to us right now and wants to be alone..he says he can't be in a relationship right now, but when he is ready it will depend on where we stand.

I'm just so confused...do I wait? I feel like since I hurt him then I have to wait for him and stand by him, even if he doesn't come back in the end. I'm just worried that I'm going to keep getting hurt...do you think he has intentions of coming back? do I wait and for how long?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I was told something once that just made a ton of sense, given that I was in a similar situation to you. It went something like: "women love stronger, but men love longer."

    The point is that while women are frantic about getting the relationship back as soon as possible, the men aren't going anywhere.

    Unless of course the girl finally manages to push him away.

    In general, and there's nothing saying this will absolutely be true in your case, but in general, if you let a guy have his space and sort things out, he'll still be in love with you.

    Of course the trick is that by then, most women have decided to move on...

    • I like that quote! Thanks for sharing it!

    • How long is an appropriate time to wait? I'm willing to do whatever it takes, but at what point do you give up?

    • The really tough question: how long to wait.

      First know that I could be wrong: just because I'm giving an answer doesn't mean I'll be right. Drop the contact from 3-4 days to 5-6, then 7-10. Get to where he's contacting you first and more often, than you are him. After a while, say you'd be up for doing something, but make it something that doesn't send a signal you're wanting to get back together, but doesn't rule it out either. Let him initiate the idea of you getting back together.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Leave him alone! Let him think things out, the more you push the more pressure you give him, the less happy he will be.

  • You have to wait. You love him and when he's ready he'll come back to you. When he does don't screw it up.

  • Note to self, lesson learned. Women aren't like they used to be. They want the chase, they want the bad boy, the rush of transforming the jerk. Guy's that are jerks today, stay jerks. Guys don't take things like that lightly. Your gender thinks we just shake things off, go out and get drunk/bang some girls.. but it's not like that. Treating us poorly isn't going to keep us around. I am not saying be a push-over, or anything like that.. just stop doing it to us. I know so many good dudes who have just given up any hope and all efforts of trying to seek out and establish any kinds of relationships. Just ends up with us hurt. You either push us away, or leave us for something better. Just respect his space, let him think about what he wants to do. Flooding him with attention and questions is only going to worsen your chances. If you have some communication, that is better than nothing. If you're worried about continuing to be hurt, why were you hurtful in the first place? Think about these things.


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